I Love You, Daddy


29 Jun, 2014 03:16 AM
I love you, Daddy.
And I'm sorry for making you cry.
I never meant to make you so sad.
Even though,
You may have been a little sad before.
I know you had a rough life.
And a rough childhood.
I know your Mama was never kind to you.
I know you and your brother
only had each other.
Like my brother and I, but different.

You try to compare your life to mine,
And it makes me feel bad- 
guilty, even-
Because I want to understand.
But I can't.
And I won't ever be able to. 
I'm a little girl. Your little girl.
Because of your life,
Because of your sadness,
You weren't always able to be the father you wanted to be.
And you tried, I know you did,
I know you do.

Even when you used to make my Mama cry.
And even when you still make me cry.
And when you would ask me, 
When I was just ten,
Why I was leaving you.
And staying with Mama.
And why,
I didn't love you anymore.
And I didn't understand. 
I couldn't understand.
I was a little girl. Your little girl.
A child.

And so I threw my phone. And I cried.
Because I did love you, Daddy.
I didn't understand why my father-
How any father-
could've thought
His little baby girl
Didn't love him. 

You made me scream, and cry, and hate myself.
You made me into the young lady I am today.
Tired, and scared;
Hating the world;
Wanting to be alone;
Anxious, angry.

Mama says I've got your temper. 
I lash out, scream at my friends.
Like you used to scream at me.
At some points, you've made me want to die.
I thought I was a failure. A disappointment to you, and to Mama.
I thought, maybe,
You didn't love me anymore.
But I know it's not true.
I know you love me. 

Please don't cry anymore, Daddy.
Please stop looking so sad.
Please stop looking down on me.
I promise I'll be better.
I promise I won't make the same mistakes you did.
I'm sorry.
I never meant to make you so sad.
I never meant for this to happen.
I love you, Daddy.
I always have.
Tags: Dad, Father, Hurt
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