My Curse and Blessing
It's a curse and a blessing My mind which keeps addressing The flaws I see within myself I ponder them, I study them Crucially I examine And a fix is still not revealed. Do I subject myself to interrogation By some apathetic, crocodile tears performing person? Do I then gratefully accept the rainbow hues of my medication? That may mayhap change me for the better But which will change the person standing, staring in the mirror. Should I instead risk the chance of slicing and dicing Just to feel alive? Death is not what I wish but how can I love life If I never know the struggle to survive, Risk the chance that I could be discovered and sentenced To a sterile prison where my sanity may be revived I think not, for either choice isn't really an option I want to stay me, without attracting more pity And imprisonment or a new personality adoption Is still not a fix. I need a receipt like those you get on Christmas or your birthday Just in case the clothes don't fit, I need it bad I need it now So I can return and get the me that that will be me But me as I am or was without these flaws; It's a curse and a blessing to know they're there At least I'm aware and trying to repair Because so many just surrender, and dwell Sinking deeper into the cracks Where happiness and enjoyment of pleasures are repelled, I'm trying to be fixed but the worry that plagues me Is that I might become Theseus's ship. Is there a way to rid these flaws from my person Before they cause the mechanics of who I am to worsen Or shall I be forever hoping they do not hamper things For they are not the kind you would be searching for in diamonds To set within a golden ring.