is this depression?
My mom says "just be happy! i had it worse than you" My sister says "you don't have depression! stop lying!" My niece says "i've never seen you cry, how can you have depression if you don't cry all the time?!" My response is always "I don't know!" or "That's not how depression works!" People tell me "You're gaining weight... " People tell me "You're stupid" People tell me "Wow your life is easy!" I tell myself "I DON'T HAVE DEPRESSION!" I tell myself "I'M FINE! STOP LYING TO YOURSELF!" I tell myself "EVERYONE HATES YOU! YOU'RE THE REASON DAD LEFT!" I tell myself "YOU HAVE NO REAL FRIENDS! NO ONE KNOWS YOU!" No i don't tell myself, i shout to the darkness The darkness that i consider depression The depression people say is just sadness Crying myself to sleep, questioning everything Questioning if i should have jumped, jumped off that bridge Wishing i had never survived my own birth Wishing i would have just starved to death as a baby Hoping i'll get a sign, anything to prove i'm worht this oxydent Hoping someone will help or say something else than "it's not real" Hoping my mom will see, see i need help not just talks about happyness Hoping my boyfriend will break up with me so he can find someone better Hoping i can stay at home for eternity My boyfriend, so loyal yet he dosen't know how i feel My mom, so helpfull yet she hasn't helped me yet My sister, so misunderstood yet she can't see that she dosen't understand anything My niece, so innocent yet she hurt me more than my mother or sister My father, so mean yet i used to consider him my father My bullies, so ignorant yet they can't seem to ignore me My friends, so sweet yet they don't listen when i tell them When i tell them, everyone just closes their ears They shut me out, they leave me, they abandon me I don't talk about it anymore and now it only comes at night and hurts me Makes me scared to sleep and be alone Is this depression? are they right that this is just a phase? Am i lying to myself? Am i alone forever ? Do they hate me? Questions so many questions, i can't answer a single one of them