Vote +37

A twist in my story

Tina Adams

28 Jul, 2011 03:04 AM

So im not really sure where to begin but before i start I'd like for you all to know the reaosn why I'm telling my story, its not because i wish for anyone to pity me or anything of the sort, more or so to get some type of closure, to finally break free of my past and start living a new life. And so here my confusing and long story begins...

So my story begins my senior year of high school, to many of my friends im known as a trust worthy friend who just cant let friendships break no matter whats happened. Ive always pushed them to fix things or at least make them somewhat better, because to me losing a friend is like losing a piece of your heart. Well anyways my best friend since grade school AJ was having problems with one of her good friends jack. See the problem was jack fell in love with AJ but she didn't feel the same, she never led him on nor provoked him in anyway to think she felt the same but i guess he just hoped she magically would, once he told her his feelings. So like basically after a month of her knowing the truth, jack wasn't able to face her anymore and he wanted to end there friendship but she just couldn't bear losing such a close friend and she came to me crying asking me to help, so i talked to jack making him realize it wasn't worth losing a friend, that if he really loved her, he shouldn't be so persistent on letting her go and ending all ties with her. So after that they were fine but than a few weeks later the same thing happened, and I was always brought in by either Aj or jack. And because of this me and jack had gotten a lot closer, we were friends he had helped me with a four year on and off relationship. But now we were a lot closer, always going to each other for things or when we just wanted to talk. By homecoming i had started to develop feelings for him, we were always hanging out and there was a certain group of friends that could see what was going on, he admitted to liking me to a friend, when he was lying on my lap and my friend trish texted him asking him if he liked me he showed me his reply which was a yes and than what she'd asked. By than my feelings were getting stronger so i decided to text him and tell him how i felt. And his reply was to put it bluntly i feel the same way about you as Aj felt about me and i was crushed, we didn't text for a few days than he texted me, and he revealed his actual feelings that he did like me but he wasn't ready to be in a relationship because he had never been in one, he hadn't even had his first kiss. In the beginning it hurt to know he felt the same yet he didn't want to be with me and i kept a distance but than i realized i wasn't willing to lose him because of some dumb feelings so we went back to normal and my feelings were pushed to the back of my heart. We started hanging out more than usual, he went shopping with me even if it was just to go to wal-mart to grab dog food, and than spring break hit and things became intense. We met everyday day that break each time our physical relationship going to lengths id never expected. On the Tuesday of break i became his first kiss and he became my first on my different levels, i remained a virgin yet had given so much to this one guy. Which wasn't like me, to me a kiss is more than just two lips touching its something more deeper and meaningful, I never would have imagined going so far with a boy who i had no actual title too who i couldn't call my husband or my boyfriend. It tore me apart every time i thought of yet for some reason when i was with jack none of it matter. Because there was a moment that made it all worth it, that moment when we just lay there me with my head upon his chest and him just staring down at me, that silence that moment when he kissed my forehead made me forget of all the consequences. I had forgotten reality and was stuck on this imaginary road where he was my prince charming and he was but my fairy tale had its twist though he was everything i wanted, i wasn't his Cinderella, AJ was. He still loved her and yet he liked me, there was only a few of whom knew about me and him and he himself never knew they knew nor would he ever find out. And yet there were those who could see that something between us when we were in a room together. Soon reality began hitting me i guess you could say it began when we started to constantly be on the phone with each other everything would be perfect, he'd tell me a bed time story to help me sleep, it'd be perfect everything i wanted, but than his tone would change and he'd become some depressed male mourning over a girl he would never get, telling me of dreams he had about Aj, and saying how much he loved her and wished she'd felt the same. Those words were like knives to my heart. We'd see each other day after day and it'd be about me and jack than at night it was as though i was just a friend, as though we had done nothing, he'd go on and on about the girl he loved while i covered the microphone so he couldn't hear me sobbing. Than jack and i began to fight over small things and I, the girl who was so dead set on never ending a friendship, told him that was what i wanted, we cried, screamed, yelled, and yet he never let me go, i didn't know who to go to, Aj though she was my best friend just like a sister didn't know everything me and jack had done, all she could see was the pain i was in and she felt as though it was her fault because she was the reason he wasn't mine so after awhile i acted as though everything was fine. One day me and jack were just sitting in my car and i looked at him and i said this is the last time jack, and he argued jokingly saying no its not we both know it, and i looked up at him with tears pouring down my face and i said yes jack it is you can do this with someone you actually love, his facial expression changed and he said i do love you tina and i said i know as a friend, and maybe that's when he realized, how much i was hurting, he took me into his arms and said okay. we just sat there me trying to stop those stupid tears from coming and him spelling some in the foggy windows of my car i looked up so see our initials, and he was about to create a heart and i pulled his hand down and said it was time to go, pushing him out of the back seat and quickly getting out trying to dry my wet face, he came over and hugged me than lowered his lips to mine but i moved my face away and he got closer and whispered the last time right, and he gently kissed my lips. I asked him if he would read a letter id write for him and he said yes, now I've written that letter for him but he hasn't received it yet, Why? because I'm waiting til i leave for school so i don't have to face him, so i don't have to feel his sympathy towards me because i don't need that. I don't want anyone to think I'm weak. yet i sit here crying myself to sleep every night just wishing he was here, wishing i could have just one more kiss and just wishing i were dead so i wouldn't have to feel this dam pain anymore because it doesn't get any better only worse, i have no safe place to call my own anymore because hes been everywhere with me i have so many memories i wish i could push aside. But i cant. He hasn't texted me, called me, or had any contact with me for two weeks, does he not care? do i not mean anything to him? I loved him, loved him more than my own life, ready to give it up just so he could be happy, but i guess he doesn't see that, i only have a few more weeks here, than ill be gone, he'll get my letter and ill be ready to start a new chapter in my life. Though this first love has brought so much pain and heartache upon my heart and sole i wouldn't change a thing, wont give up that first kiss, the first touch, or the first goodbye. He will always be in my heart, he was my first love. Though i cry I'm still willing to go through the whole thing over, knowing he'll never love me the same way he loves Aj. I ask myself why everyday and yet i don't really have an answer...

Tags: Love, Tears, Pain
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ShaKari says:
01 Sep, 2011 08:03 PM

I'm so sorry that he couldn't find it in his heart to love you the same way you loved him. Towards the end of your story I just wanted to start bursting out in tears. You are very strong.

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Angie Coronado says:
02 Sep, 2011 07:51 PM

I promise you that one day you will wake up and not think of him, he won't run threw your mind before you go to sleep, he won't appear in your dreams he won't linger in the corners of your mind. One day he just.. won't.
There is so many more guys out there.. and i know you've probably heard that but it's defiantly true. You just have to keep your head up, keep positive thoughts in your head and live for TODAY.
Because you are worth it.
you're story was very touching.. thank you for the read.

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csay says:
03 Sep, 2011 06:58 AM

omg dis s exactly wad hapened 2 me i know how u feel and am sorry... a cudnt stop crying cause the guys move on and the girls are just left 2 suffer 4 it.. am still trying 2 move on plzz do d same

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Okk says:
22 Oct, 2011 06:10 AM

I read all of this at least 3 times i tryed so hard to understand (im dyslexic)but stay strong and forget the past

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nicky says:
22 Nov, 2011 11:25 AM

i find this so sad. like i just dont understand guys now...

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maya says:
04 Jul, 2012 12:53 PM

i went through the same experience once, but i'm okay now...we have alot in common, even in terms of character and personality, you'll be okay, too.

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liz maya says:
05 Jul, 2012 06:15 AM

honestly, when i started reading your story, the first impression i got was that maybe i posted my own story and forgot that I did, that's how much we have in common. the way you describe yourself is exactly the way i would describe myself, and the way you relate with your friends is exactly the way i relate with myself. when things got tough for me, i also let him go and blocked him out of my life completely out of my life. I just want you to know that after everything, I have learnt that in this life, horrible things happen. people do terrible things, sometimes intentionally. there are times when everything just hurts, when there's no reason to fight anymore, when there is no reason to live...however, the truth is, at the end of the day, anyone can survive anything, and anyone can live without anyone, especially the people you just meet along the way. you'll be okay.

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Sarah says:
30 Jul, 2012 01:41 AM

Id experience ur feeling, the same story... Be sure,u will forget him soon. Try to think that he wasnt a suitable case 4 u and u will find ur actual love (instead of him). Dont think about a guy who is in love with another girl and even hes also depressed... I wish best days 4u. Good luck ;)

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Emily says:
09 Aug, 2012 06:00 PM

Wow! It hurts it really does but honestly if u really and truly loved him then you may never get over him trust me... I been with my bf for 3 years I mean I have strong feelings for him but honestly I dont love him only because I still love one of my exs and it hurts thinking about it. That is one of those things in life that will or may never get over. But we have to stand up and be strong and not sit there and let it get the best of us and beat us!

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EpicAngy says:
22 Aug, 2012 10:37 PM

Omg a twist in my story <3 listen to that sng by second hand serenade <3
Music always helps me feel better,look that guy did not deserve you,if he did,then
Fate would grant your wish.Dont look back in the past,move on,because you are special,you know that :3
"don't cry about it,smile because it happened"-Dr.Seuss. Look,at least you broke up with him,because
It's fate :3 you know u sound like a stellar person to me :3
He may mean nothing to you,but come on its only one guy,I care for you,
All these readers care for you,consider me your friend :3 your best friend...<3

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liz maya says:
23 Aug, 2012 09:54 AM

i love secondhand seranade

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Lavender Lavvy says:
10 Dec, 2013 02:42 PM

EpicAngy is right. Every single word. Hon, stay strong. You might be an adult already! Stay strong, best loves from all of us and we love u

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Jake says:
12 Dec, 2013 07:34 PM

Its not wrong to love somebody it juz wrong to love somebody not deserving

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julie gomes says:
16 Apr, 2014 04:16 AM

m feeling sad abut u n u r too neva mind as u luved him bt he dint hd d same feelngs tats means u need sum1 bettr.....

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ace says:
24 May, 2014 08:12 AM

wow! same experience here...

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Manahil Aftab says:
28 Jun, 2014 10:27 AM

I'm so sorry

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mia yanez says:
07 Sep, 2014 03:47 AM

this is so touching. this should be a book. :)

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Emily Kohler says:
18 Jan, 2015 09:38 PM

That is so sad!????????. One day you will wake up and forget all of it!!!????????????. Be happy!

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carol says:
06 Nov, 2015 09:18 PM

Omg! Dis z so sad! But the sadness of ur nyts..I did feel dem... bt im tellingthere sumthng best out there wwaiting for you. so smile and keep waiting coz the worst id done:) and THE BEST IS YET TO COME....

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carol says:
06 Nov, 2015 09:20 PM

I can see u posted this in the year 2011 I just wanted to know how ur life is going on now:)

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