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Deep depression

John L.

22 Jan, 2018 02:52 PM

Since the last story I wrote I have went back into a state of depression. I have been here once before but this time is different. Instead of feeling sadness all the time I feel anger. I prefer to be alone but when i'm not I get mad and snap easily. I know what started it back up but I don't understand why I am so angry. Let me tell you everything that has happened recently.

My step dad was caught cheating on my mom.. again. They finally split up and life was getting good. Then she started sneaking around with him and eventually told me she wanted to get back with him. I just turned 18 and this set me off. I left walking so I could calm down and not snap on her. She followed me in the truck and cussed me out telling me to get in. We got into a full screaming match. Cussing each other and telling how we felt.

She decided then to take him back. I packed my things and left walking. I didn't know where I was going but I wasn't going to stay there. My grandpa picked me up and let me stay with him (which is where I am currently staying) At the time this all took place I was in a relationship that I had been in for 6 months.

I met her parents, they liked me, I liked them, She was the only thing keeping me from getting where I am. About a week ago she left me without a reason. She just said I deserved better. I told her I wanted her and there wasn't anyone better in my eyes. That didn't help.

I shut myself away for a few days trying to get over her. Then I noticed she was talking to someone new and avoided me. I decided I have nothing left here. I am graduating in a few months so I am staying here until then. After that I am heading up North with my step mom and her family. I don't talk to my mom anymore, my girlfriend left me for another guy, I don't have a permanent place to stay, I can barely sleep at night, I have started drinking to ease the pain, and it helps but the more I drink the less I feel like myself. I'm so lost and I have no one. I am alone and on the edge.

I have been shutting myself out from everyone for a few days now and it's just getting worse as the days pass. I feel like snapping but I am trying to control myself because I know if I snap i'm going to hurt someone. Either someone else or myself. I really don't know what to do right now.

I need something to help me. Something to bring me out of this hole. Any advice? Any words of wisdom? Anything?

Tags: Depression, Help
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Tasu says:
11 Feb, 2018 12:33 AM

Let them go..
In this world its not necessary that everyones loves you.. Just move on might be destiny wrote something better than your ex..
But dnt left your loved ones for the left one..
I hope my wordz make some sounds

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Leonard Yur says:
21 Feb, 2018 02:58 AM

When I'm down, I listen to music (personally, I like classical music; search "Rach 2" or "Rach symphony 2" or maybe some Chopin nocturnes or something), and it helps me realize that people before me have gone through a lot of pain and sorrow, but still fight through it and get to live to the fullest. I hope music can soothe your pain, at least a little.

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Hannah says:
24 Feb, 2018 12:03 AM

Hey! I was depressed also.
.I cut myself and I felt like no one loves me or care for me but it was all in my thoughts it was like I was drowned with my thoughts in my mind. You should try to change like you should stop drinking cause it wouldn't hep you anything in your life but give you more problems. Forget your ex you can find someone better than her. Think positively because every problem has a solution and if you want to control yourself maybe you can listen to relaxing music or music that you like when you are mad.

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Kimberly says:
11 Mar, 2018 10:12 PM

Hey. I hope that you get through your rough time in life, and whatever you end up doing i'll support it. What really helps me relieve stress and get over things is to listen to music. I listen to a wide variety, and i've found that listening to music i've heard before helped the most. You know the lyrics, and your brain this of that as a calm. So, whatever you end up doing, i'll end up supporting you to the very end. I hope you get to read this, and until then, good luck. Find someone who deserves _you_.

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