Deep depression22 Jan, 2018 02:52 PM
Since the last story I wrote I have went back into a state of depression. I have been here once before but this time is different. Instead of feeling sadness all the time I feel anger. I prefer to be alone but when i'm not I get mad and snap easily. I know what started it back up but I don't understand why I am so angry. Let me tell you everything that has happened recently.
My step dad was caught cheating on my mom.. again. They finally split up and life was getting good. Then she started sneaking around with him and eventually told me she wanted to get back with him. I just turned 18 and this set me off. I left walking so I could calm down and not snap on her. She followed me in the truck and cussed me out telling me to get in. We got into a full screaming match. Cussing each other and telling how we felt.
She decided then to take him back. I packed my things and left walking. I didn't know where I was going but I wasn't going to stay there. My grandpa picked me up and let me stay with him (which is where I am currently staying) At the time this all took place I was in a relationship that I had been in for 6 months.
I met her parents, they liked me, I liked them, She was the only thing keeping me from getting where I am. About a week ago she left me without a reason. She just said I deserved better. I told her I wanted her and there wasn't anyone better in my eyes. That didn't help.
I shut myself away for a few days trying to get over her. Then I noticed she was talking to someone new and avoided me. I decided I have nothing left here. I am graduating in a few months so I am staying here until then. After that I am heading up North with my step mom and her family. I don't talk to my mom anymore, my girlfriend left me for another guy, I don't have a permanent place to stay, I can barely sleep at night, I have started drinking to ease the pain, and it helps but the more I drink the less I feel like myself. I'm so lost and I have no one. I am alone and on the edge.
I have been shutting myself out from everyone for a few days now and it's just getting worse as the days pass. I feel like snapping but I am trying to control myself because I know if I snap i'm going to hurt someone. Either someone else or myself. I really don't know what to do right now.
I need something to help me. Something to bring me out of this hole. Any advice? Any words of wisdom? Anything?