Leukemia ruins Lives15 Nov, 2012 01:28 AM
So this is my story it is 100% true and I hope you guys read it through. Sorry if it is a little long!
So January of 2011 I was in 8th grade and I wanted to get on the soccer team in high school so I started playing club soccer so I could get on the team in high school. Soon I was on Laguna Nigel soccer club at the time I never would have guess what this team would do to me and how it would change me live forever. So the first few months were good I got to know the girls and I thought they were all really nice and really good at soccer, we did ok in the first season I think we got 2nd in it. So I started to become best friends with all of the girls they became like my second family we told each other everything, the girls I trusted the most on my team were Sarah, Kristen, and Bri. I started getting really close to Bri and we realized that we were so alike and soon became the best of friends and I couldn't live without her. I got really attached to her and we were always talking and acting like sisters more than just best friends.
So around when I started my freshman year we were all doing well nothing was wrong on our team and all of my friends. Around this time I found out my best friend Bri started cutting again, I was also cutting around this time because I had done it so long that by now it was just a habit so I really couldn't stop. But I told her that she really needed to stop because she was killing herself and I would die if anything really bad would happen to her. So I made a deal with her that if she stopped it would too because for the longest time she had try to get me to stop but I just couldn't because I had done it for so long. But she just wouldn't stop and she almost killed herself about 3 times and it was slowly killing her and I could see it in her eyes that she was slowly fading and I started getting really worried about her so me and our closest friends finally got her to stop but after that she was never the same and we started to fall out as friends and I couldn't let that happen.
Around that time one of my other best friends that I had known almost all of my life killed herself and it really killed me inside and I was never the same after that. I started really cutting myself again and my life went downhill for about a month. My team was almost done for that year and I wasn't sure if I was still going to play because my parents didn't like how my life was going and didn't want to pay for it if I really didn't want to play and just wanted to stay on the team for the friends I had made. We soon had our end of the year party and that night changed my life forever. So that night we went out to pizza and had our team party and the coach said something about each of us then we just had fun with each other and just hung out till like 9 ish. Then a group of us only about 7 went over to my friend Cheyenne's house and had our last soccer sleepover. So we all went to her house and went into her hot tub and just talked. Me and Bri got out early and went inside and just talk about love life and some very deep stuff and then like all of a sudden I realized I loved her and wanted more than anything was to be with her and to make her happy. Soon everyone came in and we were watching a movie called crazy, stupid, love. I soon realized that Bri was laying next to me and she was cuddling up next to me so I put my arm around her and then she did something I thought she would never do she started holding my hand and put her head on my chest. At this moment I was totally freaking out inside but soon the movie was almost over and Bri got up and asked if we could talk for a minute in the guest room so I was like "sure".
We went into the guest room and she closed the room and I was like what’s up, what you want to talk about. She was like umm I just wanted to get out of there for a while, I thought this was very strange but I was like "ok". We were in there for like a half an hour and she asked if she could see my phone for a second so I gave it to her and I noticed she was typing something on it and when she gave it back to me it said “I didn’t know how to tell you this but I really like you and want to be more than friends but I know you don’t like me like that so I don’t know what to do”. After I was done reading it I looked up and she was in tears and I looked into her eyes and said you were wrong I like you like that too and then I started crying too. We stayed in that room talking till like 3 in the morning and the whole time we were holding hand and talking about our future together and how we were going to tell our parents. I really wanted to kiss her that night but I didn’t know if it would change anything between us so I chose not to because I thought I would see her again. But she had school the next day so we went back out into the room with all the other people and by this time they were all asleep so Bri took the couch and I laid on the ground and then I felt her hand on my back so I flip around and held her hand and when I woke up an hour later we were still holding hands. I watched her sleeping for like 5 minutes thinking how could I get so lucky to have her, she looked so peaceful and I felt bad that I had to wake her up but she had to go to school.
Soon she had to go and she was already late so she rushed out of the door and forgot to say goodbye to me but that was ok because I thought I would see her again soon. So that night we talked non-stop by texting and talking on the phone. We didn’t tell anyone on the team about us yet because we didn’t know how they would react. But we didn’t get the chance to have a future and really see what this thing we had could do because my parents found out and we are really strong Christians and they thought it was against our faith if I was like this with a girl so they banned me from seeing her or talking to her and they took away my phone. I still had my iPod so we still talked non-stop and I would use my friends phones at school and we would talk all through lunch and sometimes I would be late to class because it really didn’t matter I just wanted to talk to her. We did this for like 2 months but I knew we would never be able to do this much longer and soon our time together was slowing down. One day her mom showed up at my school and they called me down to office and I was wondering why she was there. I went into another room with her and then she told me something that changed my life forever, she told me that Bri was about to die because she had Leukemia and they found it too late and she only has a few hours left. She also told me that Bri told her that all she wanted was to see me one last time then she could die peacefully. So she asked if I could leave early and go see her for the last time and they said I could. I went upstairs and got all of my stuff and by the time I got into Bri’s moms car I was balling my eyes out because I was about to lose the one person that meant the whole world to me. When we got the hospital I wasn’t sure if I could go in and see her but then her mom said that all she wanted was to see me and I wanted the love of my life to be happy in her last hours. So I told myself to stop crying and then I walked into her room, when I saw her she looked so scared and sick. But I walked up to her and said she looked beautiful and I will be here till the end with her. I was crying so hard because I didn’t want to lose her forever, soon the time came when it was her time to go. Right before she was about to die she gave me something and I looked and it was an engraved necklace with our initials on it and a note. I leaned over and kissed her and hugged her for the last time and when I came back up she was gone forever.
I started crying like I had never cried before and I just curled up into a ball next to her and refused to move for the rest of the night, they had to drag me away from the room because I wouldn't leave the love of my life. The months after her death were horrible and I don’t really remember them, I started cutting and drinking again and was just a mess. I was failing all of my classes and was about to get kicked out of my private Christian school. I was up late one night cutting and drinking when I should have been studying for my finals I had the next day, all of a sudden I heard someone say my name so I turned around and saw Bri standing there. I was so happy to see her but she didn't look very happy, she then said this is not what I wanted to happen to your life what happened to all of the dreams you had of going to college and making something out of your life. I said I can’t live without you, you were the reason I lived and I don’t know what to do anymore. She then said I am not proud of what you have become and you need to change, please change for me I am worried about you, show everyone that you are strong enough to get through this and still have time to make something of your life, and always remember I will always be there looking out for you and I love you with everything I have. But I will leave you if you keep acting like this you are so much stronger than this and somewhere deep down you know I am right so goodbye from now. Then all of a sudden she was gone and I got up and threw out all of my razors and beer and alcohol. I had and starting studying for my all of test. I walked into school the next day a new person and aced all of my tests. Everyone was like what happened and I said I have someone looking out for me and I want to make them proud of what I will become and I will not let the past define me anymore I am not going to forget about it but I will push past and become stronger because of it. I will never forget what Bri did for me and who she was and what she did with my life but it is time to move on and finally make her proud of who I am and who I will become. I live for her now and I will do everything she wanted to do and become who she wanted me to become and who she wanted to be in her life. I am done feeling bad for myself so this is the last time I will tell my story but it does feel good to have someone read it and I hope you guys can learn from me and I hope you have someone you can live for too it really helps if you are not just living for you but for someone that is not allowed to live there life how they wanted to or didn’t get the chance to. Please leave comments