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I Just Really Hate Life.

Bevan

06 Apr, 2012 12:53 AM

I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm so pitiful and no one cares. I guess I just need to vent. yes, this is a true story.

I guess it all starts with no one really caring about me. I was the child who was ignored. The the child who was born for failure. Whatever. I'm over that, but what really pisses me off is that no one really started even looking at me until I got "pretty". I started wearing makeup. people actually talked to me. but they didn't care. I knew they didn't. I just wanted someone to talk to me for once. I went years without anybody even glancing at me and it felt good that people wanted to talk to me..

I started dating this boy who really cared about me.. well I don't know.. maybe he was just going through the motions like everyone else. Either way he took a year out of my life and I was hooked on him. I really loved him. I still care about him even now. He was my first love. He dumped me, three times to be exact. I kept taking him back. I couldn't help myself. He treated my like shit most of the time. All he would do was grab on me. I didn't like it, but I put up with it so I wouldn't be alone again. well, now he has a new girlfriend. When he got her he rubbed it in my face that he was completely done me over the phone. He broke my heart, again. He didn't even care that I was breaking down inside. Before any of this happened, I used to cut. I stopped for him. well, I started again when he broke up with me the first time.

I was hooked first time I did it. It felt so good, like I was releasing my built up emotions. when we started dating again, he treated me like shit. like I was only on this planet so he could use me for any little thing he wanted to do. He broke up with me because I didn't talk enough. I cut even more. When we started dating once again, he was sweet and loving. After a month or so he broke up with me again. I wasn't going to cut. I was going to be strong this time, but then he called me and asked me to come over so we could start again, and I believed him. We did so much that day.. and by so much I mean sexual things. Which I'm sure you realized.. anyway, I went home. Happy to have him back, but then he told me to call him.. he said that things wouldn't work out. he was so calm. he didn't care that I cried for hours that night. I cried for a week even. I hated myself. I still hate myself.

I didn't cut though. not until last night that is. It hurts so much. I had blood all over my stomach (I cut there because its harder to see it then on my wrist).

It just hurts so bad. he knew everything about me. how I was neglected as a child. How not even my mom cared about me enough to take care of me. The nights I was alone at home with my sisters. The men my mom would bring home. How she cheated on my father right in front of us. How no one cared about me until I got "pretty". How no one even cared about when I did get "pretty". How he didn't care about me until I got "pretty".

I just really want to die. I'm not going to lie, I plan on cutting again tonight. suicide will come later I suppose. I just need someone to show they really care about me..

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Sarah says:
16 Oct, 2012 09:28 PM

Plz be strong my friend, dont cut urself, it can make everything worse. Life is so. All of us know it, but most people can go over that. I used to cut my wrist 4 some years since i got depressed but now its 1year that i didnt do so, however im really depressed yet, because it cant solve any problem. Think about my speach and dont hurt urself, plz!!

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anonymous says:
17 Oct, 2012 01:25 AM

It really isn't worth it... and don't hurt yourself. I bet you there is someone out there who feels the same and maybe waiting for someone to care for them and you could possibly be that person so wait, be patient, and hang on there... there is always a good friend out there

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Renate says:
17 Oct, 2012 08:32 PM

Stay strong girl, some day u'll meet a guy that rly care about you, n not about the sex..i know its hard, but just wait for him. u wont regret it! <3

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Sabrina says:
18 Oct, 2012 01:34 AM

i have to admit you went through lot more of things than me. Your story is so sad.. i wished i could bring it back for you and to see a better story. but i guess theres not always fairytales sotries sadly. Please dont think about suicid i did and lost 2 of my friends like this . Theres so many people that could help you. oh well i wish you a very good guy that will treat you as you really deserve it and that will care about you!

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KHAREN says:
18 Oct, 2012 07:59 AM

please don't do that my friend.. keep strong God has its plan for each one of us.. i know he has a good plan for you.. just wait for the right moment.. for now enjoy ur life and be contented of what you have.. be strong.. be happy

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Haley chapman says:
19 Oct, 2012 02:35 AM

Hun you cant let stuff get to you like that or let it bother youu
Im pretty sure your really pretty with or with out make up
You dont need a boy to complete youu!! Dont worrie about
What people think of you!! But jus keep your head they
Will need something from you one day sweetie
And thats wen you make them feel bad snout there self!!!

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kelsey says:
19 Oct, 2012 06:01 PM

Please don't hurt yourself, he isn't worth it! Trust me, you'll find someone one day that will care, threat you right and love you for you. Not just for being pretty, but for you! I'm sorry that that jerk did that too you, he will get what is coming for him. Though, you can be happy too:) you WILL find someone and i'm sorry about your mom. I kinda know how that feels, you kinda remind me of myself I just never cut. If you ever want to talk you can email me:) I'm always here for people, truth is my friend went through the same thing and I was there for her, I helped her.

if you ever want to talk email me

horsegirl8862@yahoo.com

and remember...no guy is worth taking your own life.

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Adrian says:
20 Oct, 2012 01:49 AM

well i cant say much since i dont know you but you can choose to be smart and just take the pain like i have done (dont get me wrong, i have attempted suicide and every once in a while still do but just quit on it and just live my life) and just forget about him and next time he asks you out say yes and give him a nice hard punch in the face. and if you want i can beat the crap out of him

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Roslyn says:
20 Oct, 2012 07:58 PM

One thing i want you to get straight is NO ONE IS A FAILURE!!! thats what i want you to know everyone is born because god chose them to be born yea many people say oh i wish i wasnt born oh why did i have to be born oh my life sucks yea it might be awful(for a while) but doesnt mean you werent supposed to be born or your a failure. But sooner or later it'll get better it will everyone goes through suffering at one point of thier lives but doesnt mean you have to hurt yourself or be messed up to yourself it really doesnt if he played with you he'll get it back someone's gonna play with him an he's gonna be thinking of what he did to you he has no right to play with anybody he doesnt own you dont let him play with you dont if he askes you out again say no dosent matter if you still live him cuz thats not love. you cant love someone that hurts you you cant. someone better is gonna come in to your life later on i promise you that be strong keep your head upand not down dont let anybody make you feel like your nothing nobody not your mom sister friends dad no one thats all i can say and i hope you turn out to be really happy =) plz be strong you can get through this you can <3

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Chelsey says:
20 Oct, 2012 10:49 PM

Stay strong dont let people get you down!! I bet you are BEAUTIFUL without the makeup. Ill be here for you if you need someone to talk to.

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Nagma says:
23 Oct, 2012 10:31 AM

OH MY GOD u have the same story as me.These r the same thing which had happend with me.I will really love to chat with u pls if u get time reply me....And be strong

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Ave says:
25 Oct, 2012 09:09 AM

Hey Gal... U knw Wat? u can be better.. Show hm ur Strong Without HIM... Since he knows that Ur Neglctd Maybe he's tryn 2 tke advantge Bt ComOn ur Nt His commodity 2 be taken Away anytme He wants..!! Dis Guy's Nt WORTH 2 Be Loved by u..!
Dn't evr think of Takin away ur LiFE.. Its so PreciouS..! Live n be An Example 2 gals wo r Undergoin a Probs Lke urS..
"REMEMBER UR WORTH" *SmilE-nw dats Better*

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Ave says:
25 Oct, 2012 09:09 AM

Hey Gal... U knw Wat? u can be better.. Show hm ur Strong Without HIM... Since he knows that Ur Neglctd Maybe he's tryn 2 tke advantge Bt ComOn ur Nt His commodity 2 be taken Away anytme He wants..!! Dis Guy's Nt WORTH 2 Be Loved by u..!
Dn't evr think of Takin away ur LiFE.. Its so PreciouS..! Live n be An Example 2 gals wo r Undergoin a Probs Lke urS..
"REMEMBER UR WORTH" *SmilE-nw dats Better*

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Poonam says:
25 Oct, 2012 09:24 AM

i do not think you need to cut your hand & all for this kind of people
he is happy in his life so i think you need to start your new life with new begnining god has given you very nice life so enjoy it .you had given your best to be with him but he does not deserve it so better forget him . dnt play with your life for this kind of shit people

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gladys says:
27 Oct, 2012 09:13 AM

I know how you feel...im just like you..except for the part o.f being abandoned,sex and being pretty
Im fat and ugly..everyone hates me even my family..it sucks when everyone pretends they know who i am but refuses to see me as a person..i cut just like you..it does feel good..it feels like im releasing some of my sadness..people who comment hddere w whants to help you..but do they understand what it feels like?i suggest seeing a psychologist.no they are not only for those who looses thwre minds they can be great listeners too

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Anonymous says:
29 Oct, 2012 10:20 PM

Dont hurt yourself. That guy didn't deserve you. I KNOW that people are going through some things similar to you. Someone is out there for you waiting to treat you like a million bucks. You weren't put on this planet for failure. You're here for a reason. And if you're here for a reason then don't committ suicide, its pointless. Things turn out well in the end, and if they dont, then its not the end. So you just wait. Dont kill yourself or cut. Just remember you mean something to people and not a bad something.

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Anonymous says:
29 Oct, 2012 10:24 PM

Let's just hope you didn't committ suicide because that was 6 months ago and you said soon. And if you didnt, dont.

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YunLoveYoseob says:
30 Oct, 2012 10:19 AM

Hey, dun cut yourself, this is your life, live it happily, cutting doesn't help. I'm 12 years old and I do cut myself, but I realized it doesnt solve anything, so I stopped, and you should too. Live life well! ^^

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Ashley says:
31 Oct, 2012 05:27 AM

It's ok. But BUT STOP HURTING YOUR SELF please!!! I'm 14 and I get you but stop hurting yourself! I've never cut myself but I live with someone who used to. It doesn't solv anything. Oh my god you can kill your self so stop please.

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Shadow says:
01 Nov, 2012 03:22 PM

hey 1st of all stop hearting urself 4 others mistake..show sum self confidence!!
dnt think like no one care 4 u or u r nt pretty!! fck(sorry 4 ma d slang) those who dnt care about u and use u!! there will be sum1 special waiting 4 u...:)

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mz navigator says:
04 Nov, 2012 09:36 PM

Dont give up ive bn through alot myself mive lost a dear brother n 2daughters n.homeless with kids u NE

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Anonymous says:
09 Nov, 2012 09:42 AM

I Know how feel. Just please Don't cut. I know its late ... But atleast i can speak my words. Look.. I feel the same way.. Pretty much. Just remember.. You are not alone!

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vincent says:
13 Nov, 2012 09:44 AM

do u think dieng is a only way to escape pain......mistake was done by u......y punishing urself for that......and the truth is the boy did not loved u....then y wasting ur life for that wastage boy.......

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fff says:
15 Nov, 2012 08:00 PM

Stop cutting please!
He don`t deserves it!

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Ivy says:
16 Nov, 2012 07:31 AM

Pls stop hurting yourself,let him go..

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asami says:
28 Nov, 2012 08:16 PM

I don't think he's that worthed so you hate yourself because of him, my advice is just love yourself the way you are and care only about you, you don't need anyone to do that for you; I mean at the end you're the only one who can love you for who you are :)

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gary says:
07 Dec, 2012 10:30 PM

I truely wish You the best of luck. I am truly touched and I wish I was there now so that we could talk one on one. I do try my best to be happy so plzz think of that what makes you happy.

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kailey says:
12 Dec, 2012 04:52 PM

hey we've all been there... we have heart breaks , but u just have to move on and think hey theres other fish in the sea.. please dont cut urself because of a boy or anything..

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yumi-chan says:
13 Dec, 2012 11:49 AM

please your life is important you need to live this is just an quest, all quest of god, trying us if we can survive, and when this quest of our life, you could get the happy and worthy life of yours. be patient. i was been cut on my wrist by acciddent and i wanted to punch that guy! but you needed to be happy you are made to be happy, to be loved by the guy you wanted, and please god made you. plz dont kill your self! and remember all that comment and other people loved you and care about you so you need to live ok?

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shoel says:
16 Jan, 2013 01:08 PM

i realy knw hw u all guys feel, yes it hurts nd it hurts bad failing in love, i too tried cutting myslf, ppl thnk dat its showing off but dnt knw it jst gives a bit of releaf.....i dnt wnt to luv or fall in luv again

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olivia says:
22 Jan, 2013 01:26 PM

hey, there.
you have the same story with me (my life). i also felt what you feel now, sort of. your story with your bf, it was the same thing with me. 2010 until 2012 i was like i am a slave of my boyfriend. he treated me like a bitch. he used me whenever he wanted to, then he threw me away when he didn't want to. i was hurting myself like i didn't want to eat, didn't want to sleep, cut myself (just like you). and for the result, i was hospitalized so many times. but there was a strange feeling at that moment, i enjoyed it. i wanted to get an attention from my bf. i cried a lot, but still he didn't care. he broke me up again and again, but i beg him until i forgot how much precious myself. i don't want to lose him, because just like you, i feel so lonely, i'm feeling empty. i loved him so much.

but then i realized it can't be like that forever. i need to take back my life. now i'm still with him but i don't want to give a fuck if he didn't care, and i don't want to be that bitch anymore. i always refused him when he want "it". in fact, i really want to break up with him because i know when i'm with him it makes my days getting worse. i regret with what i've done to my life before. i feel so dumb when i remember the moment i'm hurting myself. in fact, i laughed at myself (remember how stupid i am.)

i know your feeling. what others say, you know, wise word or anything can't help you (i know that). time is the only answer to change you to be a better person. good luck for your life, buddy. see, you're not alone at all :)

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kandy jackson says:
10 Mar, 2013 11:36 PM

when i was reading your story tears came to my eyes.. i know what you have been through was tuff but you can fight it and be better and stronger...you cant let persons hold you down or let them feel that they have authority of running your life...you own your life so go make the best of it and im pretty much sure that some day god will send the man who truly deserve you just pray and keep focus

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samantha says:
16 Apr, 2014 09:52 PM

you will get through this trust me the same thing happened to me and I almost killed myself but someone came into my life and turned my life around and I am thankful now that I didn't kill my self.....any wayzzz please don't hurt your self over guys they are not worth it trust me!!

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Kitty says:
20 Dec, 2017 06:46 AM

Hey I know this is old but I'm a cutter too and I know it's hard to stop but please trust me it will get better <3

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