My pain is forever.01 Nov, 2014 01:34 AM
Jake. That's his name. Jake. He was my first kiss and I thought he would never hurt me. I'm not going to say our love last forever because I knew that wasn't going to happen. I did think he wasn't going to hurt me. He told me and I quote "I'll always be right here for you."
A few weeks later, he broke up with me in a note. He left it on my door like a pathetic person. I was crushed. I acted so strong but when I got home I cried myself to bed. After that, he dated a few other girls and I dated some other guys but I was never really over him. He was my first love after all. Come to now. He's been in and out of my life. He comes around ever time he wants sex and I sadly give it to him which means he was my first time.
I know I sound like a stupid girl but I'm not. I know I should just leave him alone and get over it but It's hard because I see him everyday and he was my first time, first love, and first kiss. He says all these amazing things before we get together then he'll be a dick and disappear on me then months later come back.
I miss everything about him his touch, his smell, his laugh, and his smile.
I am a hopelessly romantic person and I have these dreams that one day he'll see what's right in front of him but I know he won't. He even told people I was his biggest mistake.
I've dated the best people I ever could and they really loved me but I just can't get over him as much as I want to.I'm just his booty-call and I sick of it but he's like a drug to me.
I want to break this habit though. All he's ever done is build me up and then break me done. He leaves me heartbroken and he can walk alway without a scratch. It's like he feels no pain. He feels nothing for anyone but himself. I just want him so bad yet I don't. I want real love and he will never give it to me.
He will never actually tell me "I love you and I want to be with you again." I know him as well as I know myself.I need the real thing. Love. He will never love anyone but himself. He's called girls hot. When I see him around my heart aches but then I see he never even loved me.