Living a Death
Walker18 Sep, 2011 08:13 PM
Well, it was the time of Christmas holidays, and I was in 4th standard.
It was just a normal morning for me. And for the rest as well. But I guess, not for someone.. As it was first day for her at new school.. New city..
I still remember the moment, when I saw her for the very first time. Sweet innocent face with mixed feeling of excitement and a little fear, pink cheeks, soft red lips, dark hairs.. I was kinda hypnotized. She was the most beautiful gal I ever saw.. I was so fallen in love with her, at the moment.
Luckily, we had same taxi that'd escort us to the school. I was so glad to have her there with me. God had completed my universe.. Had granted me MY ANGEL.
Soon, we became friends. We'd spend lot of time together.. playing, building sand castles, studying..
Days passed. My love for her grew more and more. But couldn't dare to let her know what I really felt! I was just so afraid to lose her, that I didn't want to take any risk.
One day, we were coming back from school. That was the day I had decided to let her know about my feelings.. That how badly it would hurt me, when she wouldn't be around!
That time, my heart was beating fast. Head was numb, with strange heaviness. My life was in her hands. I'd really die, if she just thought of me, as a friend.
When I told her that I Love Her more than she ever thought, her cheeks had gone more pink.. Nose, a little red..
OMG.. She was blushing! I never saw her that beautiful! She didnt say a word. Just came near to me with smile, kissed my cheeks and ran home.
I was just frozen at the moment! Felt like it was just a dream. Yeah, it was.. Beautiful like heaven.
That day, we couldn't spend time together, but she was running inside my head all the time.. As she always did. But I was damn happy to have her for real now.
Next day, I went to her. But, BINGO! Her home was locked. I dint see her at school also.
Later, I came to know that her dad was transferred. And she had to leave so suddenly.
I was kinda paralyzed. My love was somewhere lost inside the world. And I was so young, that I couldn't go to look for it.
All I did that time, was just that I cried. Silent moans with tears in my eyes, conveyed a lot to me. I just came to know how it felt when we miss our beloved.
I found it so hard to overcome my loss. What I thought about us, and what had happened. But, I just had to let go.
And life went on. I lived each day, with a hope, that someday I might see her again.
Three years had passed. I had my image formed in school.. The Guy With Gifted Brilliance..
*SIGH* It wasn't a single second though, that I let myself out of her love. All the places, held the same scent I always felt she had.. All that time, my memories hurt me the same way they did, when she left me.
During the course, I dreamed of her death. She died in an accident, in that dream. I was so worried since the incident. Something did go wrong since then. I lived in little frustration from the time.
One day, I suddenly saw her aunt in the city. After a formal chat with her, I came to know that she was settled in the city few days ago. When I was about to leave, she asked me to come with her to her house. I first hesitated, but when she told me it was about my beloved sweet-heart, I went with her.
I thought MY ANGEL was there to meet me. How happy I was! After whole three years, I was gonna see her. I had so much in my mind.. Wanted to talk to her.
I entered the house. And there she was! Holding the same heavenly smile, she always did.. But lying as JUST a portrait now. While I was looking at her picture, her aunt told me that she died two years ago. My heart skipped beating. She was describing how she died.. Suddenly something clicked in my mind. Strange! It was the same way I saw in my dreams.
I don't know what happened that time, but darkness surrounded my head and when I woke up, I found myself at bed, with high fever. I tried to convince my poor heart, that what I heard was just a dream.. And she still lives. But nothing's worked since then. I still can't stop my weak heart from bleeding.
They say time heals everything. But it's been 6 years since I came to know about her death. And nothing's changed at all. Except that I keep myself bleeding. My friends call me as EMO now. But I don't care. I just don't want to forget her.
I know, that I'm walking towards darkness. But it's impossible to live without her. I'm just waiting for death to get me.
May be I was a child for rest of the world, when all this happened, may be still I am, cause I'm just 17. But I wish to bring happiness in others' lives, until I take my last breathe.
I know she's watching from me above. That's why, I want to spend these few left heartbeats of mine, in bringing smiles on people's face, to bring back the goodness in their hearts.. To spread love..
cause I have no will to leave. May be I breathe, but my life died years ago.
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CommentsPost a Comment
08 Jan, 2012 10:21 PM
my eyes jus started tearin up..:(well,all i can tel yu is lyf jus goes on...evn i ve faced all such situations..but i neve lost hopes... sme o d other day hopefully by gods grace yu vil surely cme out of ha...meditate it helps a lot..der vil b a gal hu ll surely ressemble ha in yo lyf.. if not luv yo mom as much as yu love ha..
with best wishes.
yo well wisher..
10 Jan, 2012 02:04 AM
She is watching you from somewhere, don\'t hurt her by doing like this...try to be happy for her sake.
God Bless You!
10 Jan, 2012 11:21 AM
OMG !! :\"(
This is THE SADDEST STORY I have ever read in my whole life.
Shes definetly watching you from up ! Shes maybe not in this universe but her soul is definetly in your heart.
God Bless you!
12 Jan, 2012 02:03 PM
I can't possibly imagine how is to feel that. But you're very strong; I couldn't resist such a long time. So, keep living on, because she is up there, watching you. Show her you can be happy for her sake. And one day, you will meet her again. Just wait patiently for that day, while living at your best. And it's not enough to make other people happy if you aren't ^^ I hope you'll be happy too. Sincerely, Dante
12 Jan, 2012 10:55 PM
OMG gave me the shivers
you will meet again one day...
13 Jan, 2012 07:17 PM
Hey! Your story was sad, but one day you will see her again! Just stop being dead to the world I bet that there are many people that miss seeing the brilliant person you once were!
13 Jan, 2012 07:21 PM
Hey! You will see her again someday! Just stop being dead to the world I bet there are many people who miss seeing the brilliant person you once were!
16 Jan, 2012 02:17 AM
sorry on that but keep moving
16 Jan, 2012 05:20 AM
it was a sad story..........bt in this world there is no love....if sum 1 have bt it does not survive for long
17 Jan, 2012 10:43 AM
ur story really touched me i knw its not a story dis z ur lyf bt i m sure she'll be very happie watching u making people happie
18 Jan, 2012 06:12 PM
I'm sorry about your loss but she's probably sad that u are so sad. Try to be happy for her. I know how it is to have your heart broken by someone u love but not that much. I like this guy at school but the day I got the nerve to talk to him he asked my friend out.
18 Jan, 2012 06:13 PM
Sorry try to move on and find another girl. U can't go forced with no love.
19 Jan, 2012 12:38 AM
20 Jan, 2012 05:17 PM
:O how sad....I'm so sorry' I'm all sad now...I don't even know what to say -.-
21 Jan, 2012 04:58 AM
Hye i have read ur story and from my bottom of my heart i respect ur love.
21 Jan, 2012 12:30 PM
Love is slow possion
22 Jan, 2012 11:10 AM
So sad! She is watching you from above. Always remember she loves you. Thats why she blushed and kissed your cheeks. God bless you. -Nataly
23 Jan, 2012 06:17 AM
The same was happend with me also and at dat
tym i was also there in 4th standard and
after the same thing was happend.
23 Jan, 2012 09:44 AM
:( really..it really touched ma heart..
23 Jan, 2012 04:32 PM
I m really so hrted abt ds story:-(...
Bt i cnt do ds...:-(
May god bless u 4 all lovers ...
24 Jan, 2012 06:22 AM
OMG! OMG! This is like the most saddest story ever! This made me create tears! :'(
Dont Worry! You'll be fine! Just let go! :)
I feel sorry for u! :(
But now go on and live ur life! :')
24 Jan, 2012 08:51 AM
Nice story. Padte he aankhen ro pade
24 Jan, 2012 12:47 PM
Dude...i feel yo pain...as tough as it is 2 move..u shuld consida it...its dificult 2 expres myself.bt i feel great pain 4 u.al th best
24 Jan, 2012 02:52 PM
That's really sad.Happen to me too. Feeling like the world is crashing and no reason to live , just to wait for dead..
24 Jan, 2012 04:54 PM
I teared up almost instantly. This is such a sad story.
28 Jan, 2012 12:39 PM
Bro, I was quite bored so I decided to look up sad stories, then i saw this...
I cried man. This is some sad stuff...I can't say I know how you feel, but I've liked the same girl for 2 years now, and I've had some good moments, and the thought of her dying just brings tears to my eyes. Man this sucks :(, She probably is watching up from above :')!
Stay strong buddy, It's ganna be fine :')
28 Jan, 2012 10:02 PM
That was brilliant...I just wish I wasn't stuck chasing a dream that I can never have :/
31 Jan, 2012 02:45 AM
I am crying after reading your story.Death of your true lover will cause you so much pain.
02 Feb, 2012 09:51 PM
Usually i wouldnt comment on one of these stories nor would i read them but for some reason this caught my eye... in life everyone has their own battles and hardships but everything happens for a reason, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger, but if you just sit around and let it get the best of you, you wont become a stronger or happier person, im sure if she loved and cared for you the same you did her she wouldnt want you to be living a miserable life because of her death, i can only imagine how much you must be hurting but if you allow yourself to find happiness i promise you your life will get so much better, sometimes it takes losing someone to realize how precious life is, how little time you may have etc surround yourself with family and friends who will bring you up and im sure you will become a great person
15 Feb, 2012 01:29 PM
True love for u maybe just wasn't meant to be. I am sorry. that is all I can say. Goodluck bro.
19 Feb, 2012 02:59 PM
I hope you do find peace, happiness and hopefully a happy future awaits you in your next turn in life.....
21 Feb, 2012 07:09 PM
this touched my heart greatly. <3.
you are so kind. god bless you.
20 May, 2012 01:50 AM
that is really sad..... i hope that someday soon he will be able to join her and be happy again
12 Nov, 2012 10:24 PM
i just cnt sy anyding speechless it was soooooooooo sad
08 Feb, 2014 02:38 PM
heeeeeeeey it may hurt toooo much dat nthng said or done kan help but the energy u usd to write dis is the same u kan slowly use to try n slowly move on u hav a whole lyf ahead of u.i blv u kan mek it
30 Nov, 2014 06:26 PM
love never dies it remain in our heart and their memories with us..... I am also a lover and wating for her.
02 Jan, 2015 05:32 AM
as a real love never die still memories are aliving in you...... definetly you will meet in next birth because love watis till earth ends. very emotional storyyyy
26 Feb, 2015 11:29 PM
Such a sad and personal story. I've felt what you have felt, pain, frustration and sorrow. Loss of a loved one is a big thing. Don't worry mate, you'll get through this. 8/10
22 Jan, 2016 04:06 PM
she's always there for u and she wants u to move on with your life don't desepoint her by doing things like this make her proud of you and i wish you'll meet her in heaven GOD BLESS U
02 Jan, 2017 08:23 PM
So super sad I cried a little
03 Jun, 2017 02:16 PM
You are someone special i knew it from your love to that girl bcz you didnt replace her you kept her love in your heart and that is the speacial thing about you.im continuing my life as well but deeply i want to die bcz i need someone who loves me a girl who will share her love with me but sadlly no one likes me. Wich you the best just be happy do it for her.
30 Sep, 2017 03:10 AM
I had a similar thing happen to me too.... I used to live in California, and I loved this guy. I didn't know it but he liked me too. We became friends, we had a crazy ton in common, and we started to love each other. We started going on dates and we planned things. Still didn't kiss though, our families had high standards. Lately he had some family issues, like suicides and accidents and even some of his family being MURDERED. He was falling apart, and I was helping him. Then my parents told me that we were moving away to Washington. I live there now. SO I told him, and he acted indifferent. Little did I know that he was hurting more than was humanly possible. I tried to hold off the move for when I finished the school year, I almost did too. but then my parents HAD to move for jobs. So I had to leave. The last day I ran away from home, and hid at his house. I just laid in his arms and cried. For hours actually, he counted the time. *sad smile* talk about committed... anyways my parents had to literally drag me away from him, and his older brother had to hold him back too. We had packed our things in advance, and when my parents brought me home, the moving truck was already there. So then, against my will, they pushed me in the car with my younger siblings, and we drove away. I looked behind me, and saw my "boyfriend" running after us. I cried so much, he ran and ran unable to catch up. I stayed up in Washington for a few weeks to get settled in, but I was lifeless. So my parents, albeit regretfully, took me back to California for a little. But when I got there and looked for my "boyfriend" I found his phone under a bench at our usual meeting place. I knew his password and typed it in, and I found a draft email. I read it, and It told me about how his older brother had finally lost it, being the one who had to make money, and overdosed with drugs. It also said about how he missed me, and all these bad things were happening to him. He killed himself, I walked over to his house and looked in his backyard. He hanged himself, I saw his body swinging from the tree. I called 911, and they took his body away. I cried for actual days. My parents forced water down my throat so I wouldn't be dehydrated. It's been about 3 months since then......and I'm seriously thinking about ending it. what do you think I should do?
12 Oct, 2017 04:35 PM
No honey. You don’t end your life because the one you loved isn’t there anymore. I’m the guy who from the story. And let me tell you this, ‘You hold on gal. You hold on just because you can. You hold on for the love of your parents and you hold on for the love of your friends. But most of all, you hold on for the person cz all they want is for you to live.’
I know it’s hard, and there’s no will to live on. But life has strange way of working things out. I was 17 when I wrote this. I’m almost 24 now. To tell you the truth, it was goddamn hard. Just breathing I mean. I lost my parents along the way (who helped in more ways than I could imagine in moving on), that was unbearable as well, but when you hold on enough, you live on. There comes a time when you can’t just hold on any longer, and that’s when you must. Life has a beautiful way of making it work. The pain, the hardships, the sufferings, it all makes us human. Let this pain guide you and drive you. There are so many surprises along the way, just bear through this. Who knows, love might find you all over again just like I did. :)