Living a Death18 Sep, 2011 08:13 PM
Well, it was the time of Christmas holidays, and I was in 4th standard.
It was just a normal morning for me. And for the rest as well. But I guess, not for someone.. As it was first day for her at new school.. New city..
I still remember the moment, when I saw her for the very first time. Sweet innocent face with mixed feeling of excitement and a little fear, pink cheeks, soft red lips, dark hairs.. I was kinda hypnotized. She was the most beautiful gal I ever saw.. I was so fallen in love with her, at the moment.
Luckily, we had same taxi that'd escort us to the school. I was so glad to have her there with me. God had completed my universe.. Had granted me MY ANGEL.
Soon, we became friends. We'd spend lot of time together.. playing, building sand castles, studying..
Days passed. My love for her grew more and more. But couldn't dare to let her know what I really felt! I was just so afraid to lose her, that I didn't want to take any risk.
One day, we were coming back from school. That was the day I had decided to let her know about my feelings.. That how badly it would hurt me, when she wouldn't be around!
That time, my heart was beating fast. Head was numb, with strange heaviness. My life was in her hands. I'd really die, if she just thought of me, as a friend.
When I told her that I Love Her more than she ever thought, her cheeks had gone more pink.. Nose, a little red..
OMG.. She was blushing! I never saw her that beautiful! She didnt say a word. Just came near to me with smile, kissed my cheeks and ran home.
I was just frozen at the moment! Felt like it was just a dream. Yeah, it was.. Beautiful like heaven.
That day, we couldn't spend time together, but she was running inside my head all the time.. As she always did. But I was damn happy to have her for real now.
Next day, I went to her. But, BINGO! Her home was locked. I dint see her at school also.
Later, I came to know that her dad was transferred. And she had to leave so suddenly.
I was kinda paralyzed. My love was somewhere lost inside the world. And I was so young, that I couldn't go to look for it.
All I did that time, was just that I cried. Silent moans with tears in my eyes, conveyed a lot to me. I just came to know how it felt when we miss our beloved.
I found it so hard to overcome my loss. What I thought about us, and what had happened. But, I just had to let go.
And life went on. I lived each day, with a hope, that someday I might see her again.
Three years had passed. I had my image formed in school.. The Guy With Gifted Brilliance..
*SIGH* It wasn't a single second though, that I let myself out of her love. All the places, held the same scent I always felt she had.. All that time, my memories hurt me the same way they did, when she left me.
During the course, I dreamed of her death. She died in an accident, in that dream. I was so worried since the incident. Something did go wrong since then. I lived in little frustration from the time.
One day, I suddenly saw her aunt in the city. After a formal chat with her, I came to know that she was settled in the city few days ago. When I was about to leave, she asked me to come with her to her house. I first hesitated, but when she told me it was about my beloved sweet-heart, I went with her.
I thought MY ANGEL was there to meet me. How happy I was! After whole three years, I was gonna see her. I had so much in my mind.. Wanted to talk to her.
I entered the house. And there she was! Holding the same heavenly smile, she always did.. But lying as JUST a portrait now. While I was looking at her picture, her aunt told me that she died two years ago. My heart skipped beating. She was describing how she died.. Suddenly something clicked in my mind. Strange! It was the same way I saw in my dreams.
I don't know what happened that time, but darkness surrounded my head and when I woke up, I found myself at bed, with high fever. I tried to convince my poor heart, that what I heard was just a dream.. And she still lives. But nothing's worked since then. I still can't stop my weak heart from bleeding.
They say time heals everything. But it's been 6 years since I came to know about her death. And nothing's changed at all. Except that I keep myself bleeding. My friends call me as EMO now. But I don't care. I just don't want to forget her.
I know, that I'm walking towards darkness. But it's impossible to live without her. I'm just waiting for death to get me.
May be I was a child for rest of the world, when all this happened, may be still I am, cause I'm just 17. But I wish to bring happiness in others' lives, until I take my last breathe.
I know she's watching from me above. That's why, I want to spend these few left heartbeats of mine, in bringing smiles on people's face, to bring back the goodness in their hearts.. To spread love..
cause I have no will to leave. May be I breathe, but my life died years ago.