Vote +41

Death is the Only Escape


19 Oct, 2010 12:45 PM

Everything happens for a purpose. We all experience fortunate accidents. These are not accidents though, these are predestined.

I was in first year high school when I admitted to myself that I am a bisexual human being. Yes, i get attracted to the same sex. I was 12 years old when I prayed to God that, before I will have a boyfriend I want to have a girlfriend first, then have a boyfriend then. It is a very deep secret to hide my true color. Nobody knows my secret but only God. I hide from the closet but nothing can be hidden. Everything will go out no matter how hard you try to hide it. I don't have a boyfriend nor a girlfriend when I was in high school until five years after that when I reached second year college.
I met this girl named Sai. She's my classmate. We didn't feel anything special for each other at first. We became good friends because of alcohol. After having some drinks, we kissed and that's how we became close. It was September 5, 2009, we were with our drinking friends when we just feel like doing a game. And so our relationship begun. But three days after she broke up with me because she didn't want to hurt me and his ex-boyfriend who wanted her again. I accepted it but I never thought I'll become affected when my classmate asked me what's wrong. I've noticed that I was acting odd, I'm floating like my thought is flying. I know it was just out of trip. Of course, our relationship was just really out of trip. She courted me in the jeepney and I said yes in the restroom. Who's in normal thinking would think it was serious, huh? But I was trapped. I feel loved so much by this woman. I'm in love with her. For the sake, she didn't want to hurt people because she was once hurt and it really hurts. And so, she tried to love me. We bring our relationship back. We had unforgettable moments. It was just a secret relationship. Only few of our friends knew about it. Some have gossiped about us even our families have doubts but still our love grows. I can't live without her. My day is incomplete whenever I can't see her. We always hang together. Have some weekend sleepover at her house. She talks a lot and makes me laugh like no other. She comforts me when I'm sad because of some family matters. We really like each other but fights are normal. We have some silent modes. July 2010 is in. This month is the saddest. We started fighting unlike the normal fights we had. Every fights get serious. I get jealous as well as she does. July 17 was the last fight. I didn't talk to her for a stupid reason. She didn't helped me in getting something. I know it's stupid. But, yeah, I didn't talk to her for that. She went to my boarding house to be okay with but still i ignore her. I should have swallowed my pride. I just let her go home without saying a word. We text so dryly the day after. And then, I text her I have a fever. I wonder why she didn't reply to my text. I was a bit angry because she didn't reply. She didn't care if I'm sick. I'm trying to text her but there's no reply after all. I get some rest because I really feel ill that time. Then, at 3am I received a call from her childhood friend, Cassy. She told me not to be shock. She told me that Sai was in the hospital she was comatose. I was so shocked that there was no word out. I can't believed it. I took a bath even I feel sick and rushed to the hospital. I saw her mom in tears. I can't comfort her because I was really shocked. My thoughts are floating in the air. I really can't believe it. It crushed my heart like a bulldozer running over a stone. My school uniform was burned when I was pressing it. I'm out of my mind. Sai was confined in the hospital and still comatose. She was suffering from AVM (arteriovenous malformation). It was our exam week and I can't really concentrate. She was in the hospital for five days and God took her. My world fall apart. I don't know what to do. I wanna die with her. I can't eat. I can't take good care of myself. I don't take a bath. I don't sleep. I break into tears whenever I'm alone and whenever i remember her. I almost cry every minute. My world was torn apart. I don't know what to do.
I have suicidal thoughts but I didn't attempt even once because I remember she told me to never to attempt suicide because life is so beautiful if you just know how to appreciate it. Even though I really want to commit suicide but I can't. I never did. I failed my exams. I cried every now and then. I really can't believe she'd died. She'd promised me that she'll never leave me..

Tags: Death, Love, Missing
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vee says:
29 Oct, 2010 01:16 AM

hey buddy...pls be ur galfren is so beautifull dear...i realy can understand ur pain and feelings...but u have to come over it u know somethg...sure she is watching you from up there...she will be so hurt and sad...if she see u crying, didnt take care of urself...didnt eat well...didnt sleep u want her to besad buddy...pls think dear...even u cant see her...but she is always wth u...and her memories wth u dear...cheer up...u still have to move on dear...if u feel wanna share anythg wth me...u can mail to me..this is my

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Vinny says:
01 Nov, 2010 06:26 PM

Hey man "jeepney" is a pinoy thing and im pinoy.

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meme says:
02 Nov, 2010 01:53 PM

awwww...i know the pain ur going through..but u gotta eat and you gotta be better..and live ur life...she is up there watching over you..i think she be wanting u to smile not cry,but to not die,but to live..u gotta live ur life..or she will be up there,thinking it part of her fault..get ur act together..try to live the life..that she want u too..and that u should be doing

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Linda says:
02 Nov, 2010 02:25 PM

heyy ! i know how hurt you are, and i know how it feels ive been there done that but thats not lifes gona bee..bro im telln you, shes in a better place she watchn over you evry secs evry minutes of your life, God took kea of her, shes gone with happiness , i feel for you broo.. but you have to be bold and believe that God will always be with youu , your not alone, your with her evrtime your alone and i mean you can prove to hur and make hur happy IF you put a SMILE on you face.i went thru the same situation i tottaly lost it but then i realise that nothing will make that person more happier if your not happy sori for your lost bro..Remember , if she sees you happy she will jump with joy in her heart..have a good day bro..
( just mail me if youu want to talk k )
God Blessed

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Terry says:
03 Nov, 2010 11:47 AM

Sweety its gonna be okay don't give up..not just yet, Everything happens for a reason just be grateful that u met her n u got to experience an intense and very beautiful kind of love..some of us r not that lucky.

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Lillian says:
03 Nov, 2010 06:45 PM

Awww. This coming from some heartless bitch but...She did keep promise. She never left you as long as she is still in you're heart...

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october says:
04 Nov, 2010 12:47 PM

that was sad

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kendrick says:
05 Nov, 2010 12:58 AM

how sad...
just pray for her.
life is really beautiful.

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bangs says:
05 Nov, 2010 03:53 AM

for you my friend, i know its difficult to accept it but i think it was really predestined to happen.... move on..dont let the soul of your gf loittering around because hindi pa xia handang iwan ka. she saw you crying,abusing yourself, so wat happened nxt...wala d bang mangayayari f u continue on blaming yourself about wat happened... let her go...go...go..

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radhey says:
06 Nov, 2010 02:39 AM

just believe in your self.u Hv to fight.Be practical,life is so long........

dont give up,u have to live for her...

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Bryles says:
07 Nov, 2010 06:51 PM

I know its hard Pal. Ive lost someone special to me as well. But remeber she wants you to still live life to its fullest and you will see again when the time comes ok. Just be strong and dont lose hope.

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unknown says:
08 Nov, 2010 11:04 AM

i know how that feels its happened to me about every time the perosn says theyll never leave me....

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willowelizabeth126 says:
17 Apr, 2011 11:32 AM

listen, Pal, I'm sure this was published a long time ago, but after reading this I had to talk to you. This very thing is currently happening to me right now. I was in a relationship with the best person in the entire world. We were never apart. Every day we had to see eacother, or one of us would go mad! He loved me, I loved him. Then, one day, he had to move. To Canada. I live quite a way away from there. We used to talk for hours when he left, then we just stopped. He stopped. I never heard from him. I paniced, I called his sister, Samantha, and she let me talk to him. In a drunk rage, he told me it was over. Done. Me and him were no longer "Jake+Willow" but were Jake......and Willow. Then, when he and friends were driving home from a party, a drunk driver hit his car. It killed his friends, and now he is in a coma his sister says he will never wake up from. I want to die. I feel as though death is all I have left. I have tried, but I cant. Dont do it. All it will bring is pain to Sai in heaven, seeing u die, unless that is what u wish, dont do it. Though everyone says move on, i'm sure that u and i know that that is much harder to do than it sounds. Dont push yourself to it. Spend time alone for a few years if it makes u feel better. But if u find someone new, dont tell urself u only love Sai, because everyone deserves a second chance. Good luck to you out there. Know that i know how u feel, and u r never alone.

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Sarah says:
30 Jul, 2012 08:18 PM

So sad,it made me cry... But, try to be calm,because of ur gf. If u want her glad,dont think about suicide. Live ur life. Good luck.

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abs says:
17 Nov, 2012 10:42 PM

never give into suicide x if u love her then keep fighting to live beacuse that would be what she waned to see the person she loved happy

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Rebecca says:
12 Jul, 2013 02:10 PM

Hey. Im so sorry ): i hope your doing well, but life is a gift, and you shouldnt take it for granted, you should live for her. Goodluck <3

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Lotzhel says:
04 Apr, 2015 04:49 AM

I have read this story and this really hurts so much and I'm sorry of what had happened. I hope and pray that you will be able to find someone who will love you and will never leave you even in the darkest days of your life.How I wish I could hug you and tell you that it will be okay and time will help you heal the pain.

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Dave says:
02 Sep, 2015 09:49 AM

I think this aint a guy.

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pepe says:
06 Jan, 2016 06:32 AM

sweaty balls

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