Vote +69

I Thought People Cared

Alex

26 Sep, 2012 05:18 AM

Life isn't too easy when the people you’re so used to having around, the people who you think cared about you, the people who you could trust no longer has your back. I know many have felt this way too so this is my story. Regina and Bert are not their real names. Gabe and Cat are real names in this story.
Everything started in 8th grade. I had friends who I thought had my back for a long time. Friends that of course I could invite to parties and sleepovers. I had a liking for a new guy named Gabe. He was on TV once and that was to come to where I lived in 7th grade. I didn’t even notice him until 8th grade when certain people went to a DC trip. I was reading Maximum Ride at the time and like many other fan girls, I was a fan girl over Fang. Gabe looked exactly like him. But how to talk to him? Since he was hardly around. Sometimes I told him about his roommates for the DC trip. I could go into detail about what happened but I didn’t wanna make this to long so I’ll just say that I missed my chance to dance and talk to him…..a lot. I figured that I had fallen for him harder than I imagined.

I still had my friends when it was 9th grade. Same old people who I thought I could share my moments with. It’s a nice winter break for me and so I wanted to give my friends some gifts. I only had two close guy friends and heck of a lot of girl friends. I was innocent. But that all came to an end to soon by the next year in my birth month. One of my best guy friends asked me out in December over break. I didn’t like him but I didn’t want to be mean so I said yes. Stupid aren’t I? I went out with him for 3 months not even knowing it was 3 months. I loved Gabe at the same time. What is wrong with me? I still don’t know why but I hated one of my friends because of my best friend. I should just use code names now. Cat is my best friend. Regina can be the person I hate. So I really hated Regina for a reason…I guess cause she’s one of those popular types and that she’s spoiled. For Valentine’s day, the guy I went out with codename Bert, wanted to go with me to the cafeteria to get me a rose. I didn’t want to because I had to do other things. Then he said this “Fine, I’ll just get one for Regina” Right there and then I was just mad. I was just super mad that he would use the person I hated the most. He’s my friend but why can’t he use someone else. The next 2 weeks I broke up with him. I could say how much girls he dated since 6th grade. He dated about 8 girls including me. With a cherry on top, he lost his virginity to a 7th grader when he was in 8th grade. Disgusting. Now that girl became a bi not that I have anything wrong with that but the fact that he is such a player makes me wonder why I went out with him. I hate him so much now.

As the year passed by I grew away from my other friends. I’ve lost friends to friends. I’ve became a third wheel by the end of 9th grade. I was always alone. The only people that talk to me are people who go different schools. It sucks when you’re alone but at the same time its peaceful to think to yourself. I ate by myself. I studied by myself. My family wasn’t much of a help because if I told my mom that I had no friends, she would question what I have done to drive them away. She would always yell at me for whatever is happening to me. My dad wasn’t much of a help either. My brother is too busy to deal with me. I had no one to talk to. My counselors wouldn’t do anything about any problems at school. So I kept everything to myself. I am the type of person who only wanted to see other people happy. But what happens a lot is that the people who make others happy are the loneliest of all. I can’t even stand to see people die in front of my face. I became suicidal. I felt people didn’t want me anymore so I stared cutting myself with sharp copper wires. We had a lot hanging around the house because my dad is an electrician. The most cuts I’ve ever had were at least 10 on my arms and legs. I wanted to die if I’m just a waste.

At the end of 9th grade, I was sure I had no friends. On the last day of school, I had to get my flash drive from my teachers so I went in to my G building class and guess what I saw… my best friend with my ex. I got my flash drive and ran out of there and into the other building. I punched the wall hard for the first time. I saw my other “friends” and asked if they were together, and so they were. When I was gonna be picked up or waiting for my brother, for the first time in my life, I cried at school. Pathetic me. The only person that noticed me was Cat. She comforted me but guess who didn’t notice me crying my eyes out. My “friend” who is going out with my ex. At least tell me instead of making me hid in the dark. So I became lonelier. Every night I cried thinking how I was alone. Thinking that no one cared for me. And guess what? I still do till this day.

10th grade started not too long ago. Maybe a month or two ago and as usual, no one came up to me and hugged me like before. I went straight to my class and read for SSR (silent sustained reading). Bert was on my team again but not in the same classroom. I hated him so much I could just punch him. But I was too nice. People took advantage of me because of that. They made me do their HW. They made me get things for them. I was way too nice. I get good grades and if someone asked me to do their HW I just say that I’m busy or do it themselves. This weekend I just came back from a short 3 day trip for a wedding. I was fun because I got to see my cousins. We got to go to the beach but…. I can’t swim. They are all younger than me but I can’t swim at all. When we went to a spot that we could jump off from, I was the only one who didn’t. I felt out of place…again. So I stood there doing nothing but just watch them have fun. I told my aunt that I can’t swim because I wasn’t allowed to take lessons in a pool. I was allergic to chlorine water. So I stayed back at the school for 1 straight week. Alone in the classroom. When I got back home, my mom figured that I had told them that I didn’t take lessons because of her. So she got mad at me because she always said I’m blaming things on her. But it’s me! I’m allergic to chlorine water so its ME! I was not blaming her. Also, when I got home, I had homework and it’s MY fault that I never do it (but it wasn’t due the next day) and she’s getting mad that she thinks I blamed it on her.

Currently I’m writing this to this point at which she’s mad at me. When I went to give her one of my papers to sign, she said “ I don’t want this, give this to your dad since he’s like you. I’m not doing or buying anything for you. I don’t care if you fail school. You deserve it. I’ll only take care of your brother now since he appreciates what I do for him.” I will still keep up my grades to show her up. But the fact that she said that made me…wonder. Am I really just trash in this house? Am I the punching bag? Am I the object to take out anger on? I wonder if people really cared for me at all… I guess I was so used to being around people who took advantage of me. I want to be with others who are alone. I want to talk with them. I want to know what it feels like to talk again. To have a real friendship and relationship with family and a good friend.

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Adrian says:
29 Sep, 2012 06:25 AM

its alright i deal with almost all the same stuff you do, i got no real friends, im a stranger to my family and the only thing i got is a guitar and my words. I have attempted suicide before but i gave up on all of that after listening to some Linkin Park songs. They gave me an answer and now i smile every day not because im happy but because i know that in the end im gonna be just fine. ill start out fresh in a new place and just see what happens. But try listening to somewhere i belong, numb and some other linkin park songs from their first two albums i listen to them every time im depressed

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Zoe says:
29 Sep, 2012 06:44 AM

Yeah, you should defiantly listen to Linkin Park, when I'm upset I like to listen to them and I like to sing alone to the raps. I wasn't very happy last year cos I liked this boy and I thought he liked me but them he told someone else they liked them. Keep up the skating and I hope you see your love soon xxx

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Adrian says:
29 Sep, 2012 07:30 AM

just hold on till the moment you can break away from everything thats been hurting you

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victoria says:
01 Oct, 2012 12:38 AM

thats like my life

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Adrian says:
01 Oct, 2012 03:53 AM

one thing is that life is a f**kin dick and things way worse will come in the future so kinda learn for this like i did and dont let people come close to you even if you truly trust them. Ever since my life broke into pieces when i was in 6th grade i never let anyone close to me. Ive never been hurt since then but ive also never been happy either but to me it was a price i was willing to pay. right now im in my softmore year at school and life hasnt changed much but life isnt as crappy either.

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Mia says:
01 Oct, 2012 05:05 AM

hey i go through the same thing every day and trust me it will get better i promise :) if you ever want to talk i am here my email is wallacem48@gmail.com

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Adrian says:
02 Oct, 2012 01:10 AM

well i guess mia is right, eventually life will get better so just keep on moving on even if you have to crawl. I cant promise ill be here to talk to you too often but my email is silverpain27@gmail.com

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Priya says:
04 Oct, 2012 03:11 AM

Hey, i guess everyone is right here, im an indian and i can tell you i hv been thru worse...this is nothin doll, just hang in there, and tell you what? suicide is NOT an option. Only cowards attempt suicide, be brave, i hv been thru such a stage when i also attempted suicide, no1 is perfect and at that time i thot that was the best thing to do, but now when i look back, im glad i didnt, my experiences hav taught me alot and so today i am able to encourage you.

You know everthing happens in life for a reason, this is a test and its purpose is to make u grow into a confident & brave woman in future who doesnt hv to have ppl around in order to njoy life, u just do what u like best and njoy it to the fullest, everyone will get attracted to you bcz u are confident in yourself otherwise they will kip a distance thinkin ur a freak and cant do anything without someone by your side.

Im with you and my prayers will b wid u always, if anyone of u nids to tok or share ur probs, im just an email away.... priyasami0@gmail.com.

God Bless

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ema says:
04 Oct, 2012 04:06 AM

hey, there. i suppose it's normal what you're feeling. i get that all the time when i was about your age. i was always grounded, blamed for things that are not my fault. i cried a lot & i hated my mum for not listening to me. singing helped me express my feelings. music saved me. getting through this ain't easy & i promise to help you as much as i can. ema_luv_cena@yahoo.com
thats my e-mail. feel free to drop by and talk to me.

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Adrian says:
06 Oct, 2012 03:24 AM

mainly i read this story a lot cause i went and am still going through the same problems you have. The way i choose to solve my problems was by waiting till I'm 18 and i can leave this place. I still have to wait a pretty long time till that can happen but i want to ask you one question, how are you gonna deal with your problems? Everyone says to just live with it and suck it up but exactly what do you want to do? If you were truly alone and had no help, how would you deal with your problems and suicide doesn't count as an answer.

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katie says:
07 Oct, 2012 04:14 AM

well i through that evryday at home with my family i fell like they dont love me they just fake it thats what i feel my mom doesnt understand me my brother screams at me tells me messd up thing i just cuss back at him but i dont something tells me not to commit suicide cuz i know its not an answer to a better life i just cry or waste my time with my sister which i know she loves me i know that my life is going to be better but i'm tired of keeping my problems inside myself it just gets worse bu i dont give up an you shouldnt either i try to smile and be happy which i try to do consantly and me too i just want to turn 18 an d get out of dis place start my life cause this isnt my life i dont want it to be so just cheer up like i will =)

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Adrian Miranda says:
08 Oct, 2012 03:52 AM

nice answer Katie but the thing is even if you say it isn't your life, it still is a part of you and you cant forget it because even the worst parts in someones life like being abused or bullied everyday when they were young is still a part of them. I will be leaving my home when i turn 18( sadly still 15) but i will be back to visit my brothers, cousins, and friends that were a part of my life. Also people that say violence isn't the are terribly wrong. I managed to take down all my bullies and just people i hated who would mess with me and now they don't bother me. So why not try to sucker punch your brother were it hurts then run like crazy to safety.

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Adrian says:
08 Oct, 2012 03:54 AM

my bad i meant to say people who say violence isn't the answer are terribly wrong

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Alex says:
09 Oct, 2012 03:22 AM

Thanks to everyone for the kind words of comfort and great advice! I'll be sure to use it! Also, I have given up on suicide long ago because I figured I don't wanna stop doing the things that I love. Thanks to everyone again! You are the best people in the world! <3

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Cat says:
12 Oct, 2012 02:34 AM

Oh Alex. Thank you for showing me this story. Then again I was reading half of it when I was sitting next to you and the other half while I an now texting you. I'm always here for you and hey you know that. To be honest I'm glad to know that I'm probably one of the only friends out of our little circle who understand you and the way you think about things. When I'm sad I seriously love your logic and humor that makes me feel better. In return and always I will continue to be by your side and helping you and being there when you need it. I'm glad I understand you because it shows how well I know you. I wish sometimes they would see and understand you like I do. ..... I felt like I wrote the same thing over again.....
Haha Alex you are like my sister and to me out of all of my friends you are the one that baraley changed, you will always be my friend.
Cat :3
P.S. Thanks to everyone on this site for being here for her too!

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Adrian says:
13 Oct, 2012 06:13 PM

Wait a sec so your cat from here story, it actually took me a while to notice now i feel stupid -_-

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Adrian says:
13 Oct, 2012 06:13 PM

Wait a sec so your cat from here story, it actually took me a while to notice now i feel stupid -_-

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Sumpi says:
23 Oct, 2012 10:50 AM

be brave, and try to make new frens and just forget about ur old fren. don't have pity on others

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Angel says:
25 Oct, 2012 07:47 PM

Alex isn't it?
I know how it is to be alone.
My life was like yours, miserable, horror, pathetic...
but life can change, like mine did.
My old life was just a bad dream.
My teacher hated me, me and all the boys.
She said it in my face, my mum said
I was over average, but the teacher said
" I find that hard to believe. "
Now that hurt. So my teacher wasn't a good help.
I'd sit alone at lunch and brakes.
I was never apart of anything, never invited to a birthday
party except my best friends.
Well she didn't help much.
I always had the feeling I was hated and unloved.
I was bullied. So i started to get aggressive.
And bevore I knew it, people where scared of me.
I felt like dying. I even tried to kill myself.
At the age of 11.
I tried to jump of a bridge.
That bridge was popular, because loads of people
who wanted to die would jump of it.
Then..... My life was better.
I changed to another school.
And now I have a better life.
But I hope everything will go well for you.
I wish you all the luck there is.
Love Angel

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Shaina says:
30 Oct, 2012 06:30 PM

I understand what your have written, your feeling scream to the reader. Life is so hard and being alone, even when the room your in has people is the most awful. Being alone though can also be a magic of its own, you'll see things in a different light. Don't give up no matter what, keep going on.

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Keran says:
02 Nov, 2012 09:28 AM

hi, i cried after reading your story i have a bf i dont know whats wrong with him alwyas fights with me . my mom she always thinks something else & does something else. i do not know weather i am mad or every one is making me mad . i had many friens when i was working in night shifts now i am working in day shift i do not hve any friends i am very alone

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Elena says:
21 Nov, 2012 11:59 PM

You remind me of myself, it seemed like in elementary school life seemed perfect. But then when I started 6th grade, everybody just lost interest in real friendship, and guess what, I am also a good student, and everybody just tries to use me, like do their homework or other stuff...but I know that I am who I am and I am proud of me, I feel like I have gone crazy, but what I know for sure that the world has gone crazy. People treat you Pike that because they can feel that you are special, and they want to be like you. So from now o. I be strong, don't listen to what others tell you. Now, I also have no friends,.I sit alone at lunch, and I nearly talk to others. But I know that they are loosing a chance for a good friend. If my mom wouldn't be so supportive to me, I think I would of committed suicide a long time ago. So if you want to talk to someone just email me at kuzneelena@yahoo.com

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aizy says:
19 Dec, 2012 08:18 AM

hi there, your sis much the same as mine. . the only different is i know how to swim and it never happened that my ex is with my best friend. . but actually the loneliness im feeling now brought me here, its my first time to read stories online. . and the reason of that is im very very sad now, :( i hope it will end.

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Meli says:
28 Feb, 2013 10:04 PM

I cried after read your story. Yeah, everyone definitely can't stand loneliness actually. They need to be understood. Human have feelings, and they will eventually feel that kind of feelings: disappointed, hatred, malice, guilty, anger, pissed, sadness, warmth, awkward, anxious, love, broken heart, etc.. It's only about different cases and measurements. No matter how harder someone else's life, we tend to think that nobody cares and they can't understand us completely. I went through things too, just like others. I get dumped, I feel lonely, I don't like my ignorant and judging family, I always have fights with my bro, I get bullied at school because of my kindness. But I keep on going anyway, searching for friends? for real friends? even myself? they keep coming and going so in my heart remains scars. somehow, Im sick of it, this sickening life. I can't stand if it's about others life..but mine? I dont think that I'm even living in this world. But yea, I've never tried to cut my wrist and suicide, and never will, because it would be a cowardly step of me as a human. If I die, would it be such a waste of a borne? cause there are people out there who wanted to life more longer. If only I could give my life to them so it wouldn't be such a waste of life. But nevertheless, I think it's now my turn to take a choice to move on and see that a great future awaits me too, just like you too guys, I believe. Even the world may breaks my heart with its fragility, I still can move on all by myself. I create, the one who can create myself is me, the one who create my surroundings and my feelings is me, build up myself, picking up those broken pieces of my heart come back and united again, don't care how many times it will. who can ever do that if everyone's leaving all by themselves? But still, I would accept love, care from everyone, and give them as much as I can even strangers, because I do believe that there aren't really any useless existence in this world.

Sorry for the super long comment,
I just passed by and touched by your story,
I've read that you are feeling better,
and that makes me relieved :)
keep on having a better life, Alex~

if you feel lonely--my Physics teacher said--just think that there are so many bacteria and particles around us, they are there to keep ourselves cheer up!

and btw, Im a 10th grader too
:D

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Redspeed3 says:
30 Aug, 2013 10:11 PM

I am an outcast in my school too.Though I don't talk a lot and I got no real friends.I hope you find people who are alone and show them that you care for them. I care for you by reading this story.

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Kimberly says:
16 Dec, 2013 11:33 PM

:( this made me cry because its like my life but a bit different

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Kristina glasscock says:
18 Dec, 2013 08:09 PM

I know what you mean i trie to make everyone i know happy and i just cant say no. I have only a small group of friends and that includes my two sisters, but if my friends leave me it would be fine because im a triplet and would still have my sisters. My mom doesnt do that to me but though but my step mom does. Shes always putting my little sister on a freaking pedastool fhat cant be knocked down. I want you to know though is that by haring your story your givng people the chance to care for you and im one of those people and im also in tenth grade :).

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ihavenoname. says:
19 Dec, 2013 03:48 AM

It's really sad.. and I'm so sorry you've been through all this.. nd I kinda am like you.. I cut and stuff.. im really lonely.. I hear my friends talking a bout me when I'm eating alone.. but I just ignore it. it sometimes helps me.. you all should try this. just eat. listen to music. and try to have fun. just smile c: don't ever ever and ever be sad. :D

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Noline says:
24 Dec, 2013 01:13 AM

I know how terrible it feels 2b rejected.. Keep in mind that there r people like me with greater problems than urz n besides, u dont own all the bullshit in this world! Stay strong i love u

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sarah says:
24 Dec, 2013 01:24 AM

ur not the only one who feels this way.i might be still young but i feel alone[always aloe]im not stupid but i feel like i am my friend dont even realize im there im just a kid who is lost in the shadows with nothing and no one

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sarah says:
25 Dec, 2013 12:21 AM

sometimes it wont get better but maybe it will.
who knows what the future holds
it is a mystery

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Victim says:
02 Jan, 2014 09:09 PM

Omg I am so sorry, I am going through most the things that you are, I hate my life most of the time, I always think, "do i belong in this world at all?" I just play online games to meet new friends but all I get is alot of hate for just being myself, I have never cut myself though, i consider it alot. I always get bullied at school and online. I feel like nobody is there for me. I was always the happy kid in K-3, but now i am almost the saddest kid ever. Bullying does hurt both the victim and the bully. It breaks their spirit. I know most people just say that their getting bullied by somebody just bullying them for 1 day then they are nice the next but that's not the case. If your getting bullied everyday like me then you would actully realize that is does hurt. -From a victim

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Emi says:
27 Jan, 2014 07:14 PM

I care about you. You sound so much like me. And I don't know you but I love you. If you look as good as you write, you are gorgeous. Show them we are better than they are. My dad is a drunk. My mom has anger issues and so do I. They call me psycho and crazy. But we aren't. We just want to be loved.

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Darma Isherwood says:
14 Aug, 2014 12:14 PM

Sweet heart I know that you have no idea who I am but, if you call me I will always try ny hardest to make you feel better.
Omg u setiously do have aloy of f***ed up b''''es at yout school. So please call mr I am here for you and I will listen to you

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Mark says:
24 Sep, 2014 04:39 PM

i am exactly like you! but i really handled everything in my life!

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Mark says:
24 Sep, 2014 04:43 PM

but those a**holes in your school you can teach them a lesson and you don't have to be evil just believe in yourself if none of them is your friend none of them deserves you trust me in this just believe in yourself you have a life you have your options you have so many way to live this life happy it's just needs one thing from you and it's patience ! :) just smile no matter what and add me on facebook (markus qudimat) if you need a friend online or someone who listens

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Emma says:
23 Oct, 2014 03:08 PM

This sound like me life no joke

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Anon says:
08 Nov, 2014 02:06 AM

This is alot like My life except for the swimming part. ):

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Nepeta says:
16 Nov, 2014 08:41 AM

:3 loved. This. Story!!!!! :D

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whitelicorice22 says:
29 Apr, 2015 05:14 PM

wow .. i've been there .. it sucks to be alone .. we can be friends! follow me on twitter (@whitelicorice22) :) i'm sure we'll be close somehow:)

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Jennifer says:
31 Oct, 2015 01:39 PM

If people don't love you for who you are that their issue. They pretend like they care. Eventually you'll find good enough people for yourself. Suicide is NEVER the answer.

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vaishali says:
11 Dec, 2015 03:13 PM

very hart touching

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Kera says:
14 Feb, 2016 05:37 AM

I feel you. My mom is the same with me, always yelling at me for no reason. My brother is the spoiled and loved one. Yet really I'm the good child. All he does is abuse me and swear at me. I am not loved in this world. All my friends ditch me, I'm alone. I don't trust people because they always backstab me.

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michaelsims says:
16 Feb, 2016 04:49 PM

hey i am so sorry i went through much of the same stuff so much in fact that cps relocated me if you need to talk shot me a email at

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michaelsims says:
16 Feb, 2016 04:50 PM

assassinkinght19 @ gmail .com

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Tarana Arora says:
08 Nov, 2016 08:19 AM

Dear Girl,
No one in this universe is a Trash. Everybody is a creation of God and respecting the statement we could say that God doesn't create waste. Whatever has happended, try to forget it and move on. Try to interact with loads of people. Stop yourself for helping people and taking you for granted. Enjoy life as it comes only once .:-) Contact me .

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Kari says:
28 Apr, 2017 04:42 PM

This is..wow.I feel like i wrote this, like almost everything in this story happened to me, in the same freaking order! (Except the cutting & parent thing)

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Grace says:
18 May, 2018 03:49 PM

I Cant Do This Anymore

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