Your Dad Will Never Love You...21 Sep, 2017 01:22 AM
I use to see my dad when I was younger, for some reason whenever I grew up I would see him less and less. I was on my bike and I got ran over by a motorcycle. We went to the doctors and we had to get my dad information but we didn't have it so we had to call him and the last thing he said to me was that he loved me...
Couple years later and I haven't seen my dad since that accident. Christmas 2015 I was at my grandmas and my whole dads side of the family was in so we were gonna get family pictures. The day before family pictures my cousin said "I'm not suppose to tell you this but I heard your dad might be coming and I thought you should know." I was stunned and I just said thanks for telling me and I texted my mom about it telling her I didn't know how I felt about it. She told me to just keep it together and so I did.
The day of family pictures my cousin and I were eating and pictures were suppose to be at 11 but then they texted my cousin and told us they had to move it back to 12. We arrived at 12 and there was no sign of my dad, I couldn't help but to feel relieved because I wasn't sure I was quite ready to see him yet. The photographer had us get into groups of family so parents and children and I just stood there not knowing what to do but feeling a little upset. My dad wasn't there so I couldn't get a picture with him and that's when my aunt and uncle said I was in their picture and that made me so happy they did that but I was already upset and I never had to fake being happy so bad in my entire life.
After pictures my aunt and uncle took me to another room to explain to me that my dad had been at the pictures but when he found out I was gonna be there he bolted and it made my aunt really upset so that's why we had to push it back to 12. I held back tears because they have never seen me cry before and I hate to cry in front of people. I didn't say anything but they hugged me and we carried on.
The next day my grandpa was talking to me about my dad and how my dad would never love me. Hearing that come from his own fathers mouth just broke me but I didn't cry I held it together and my other aunt arrived to pick me up to bring me home and once I got in the car I lost it. It finally hit me everything that happened and I was so broken it was Christmas and I couldn't even pretend to be happy I wanted to stay home but my mom made me go hangout with family.
2015 Christmas was an unforgettable one and I have never felt so broken in my entire life. I'll probably never know why my dad treats me the way he does or why he doesn't actually love me. I always thought he didn't love me but hearing it is a totally different thing because I think i was still just denying it hoping it wasn't true. I have done nothing but always try to win my dad's approval to be the best I can be so that maybe one day my dad will see what he missed. I've finally gotten to the point where I don't cry as much but it still hurts