I can't believe I let this happen.14 Mar, 2013 07:42 PM
So, it was some 9 years ago, when I went abroad. I was only 10. It was for a family wedding, my relatives lived there. I made really good friends with my dads distant cousin. She was so nice, and we always had a laugh! One day we were out, and her older brother walked past, he was 2 years older than me. I talked to him and after that we became such good friends, he always made me laugh, bearing in mind we were only young, he'd accompany me in the weirdest of adventures! The holiday lasted for 2 months, but in that short time, I felt a attraction to this boy, without actually knowing it. It didn't occur to me that in some distant way he was related to my dad. We were such good friends, but the time came when I had to come back to England.
In 2009, I was 15, me and my mum went abroad for a few weeks in the summer. I saw him and I instantly felt this weird attraction to him, like he was long lost or something. I had forgotten about him, I mean it was only just a crush. I was at my Nana's house he came with his mum to visit, we ended up sitting and catching up, we layed the dinner table together and even managed to squeeze in a mini water fight! It was good! I came back to England, having though nothing of it. I forgot about him. It wasn't that meaningful at the time. In 2010, my aunty who gets on well with his family, told me that, he had feelings for me, once upon a time. It felt weird, because in some twisted long-ass way, we were related.
2012, saw me going back abroad, for my uncles wedding. The thought of this guy didn't even occur to me. I didn't stop to think he'd be there. But this time it was different... I saw him on the first day of the wedding, we were just scanning the room and our gazes met. It was surreal. He just stopped and looked at me. I felt really nervous, butterflies in my tummy, the works! I quickly looked away. When I turned to look at him again he was already staring at me. He looked so beautiful, perfect. I didn't see him for a few days, and every one of those days had me wishing that if I had see him. On day 2 of the wedding, it was the same, as were day 4 and the last day of the wedding. He would constantly be looking at me, towards the end I couldn't help it, I wanted to look at him too. My eyes would distinctly look for him. The wedding ended.
I saw him a few times after that and all we could do was stare at each other.
On the morning of the day I was to return to England, we went to their house, he was asleep, (it was early morning)! My heart sank. Somewhere inside of me knew that I wouldn't see him again, and if I did, he'd have his own family. Married. We were both older now, which meant we were bound to get married to different people.
Once returning to England I realized... that I had fallen in complete love with this guy. I met him as a boy, returned to see him as a lad, and know when he was a man, I'd somehow managed to fall in love with him... We couldn't even talk this time, never had the chance, just by those special gazes and looking at each other flirtatiously, I managed to fall in love with him. I miss him now more than ever, I can't believe I've fallen for him. We have no way to talk, no contact details, he doesn't have facebook. Our families have their differences now, none of my relatives like their family anymore. But me, I love him. 2 worlds colliding. We can never be..
But all I want is him. I want to marry him, I cant think of being with anybody else. But our worlds are different, our families dislike one another, we live thousands of miles away apart, and he doesn't even know how I feel. Those few special moments, and the tremendous years have joined and added up to love.
A love that can never be.