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Even the Strongest Walls Break

Shaun Hunter

05 Feb, 2015 04:26 AM

First off I have to apologize for any mistakes throughout my story. Typing while crying is really something. Especially with my mind buzzing every second. Nonetheless, I will attempt to share my story. Although I cannot express how I really feel, as there are no words in the human language that can describe my pain, I will share the journey I never once regretted and never will. My purpose of writing this is mainly to get this off my chest although I doubt I will see much of a result. I suppose I should stop stalling and start; It's very painful to recall these memories.

How shall I put this? I'll start off from the very beginning. My name is Shaun. I have lived in many places: Australia, England, the US... so naturally, I must leave friends behind. Why did I move so much? Well, my parents' jobs required us to move to put it simply. I don't know how many people can relate, but I started blocking people off. My friends. My teachers. Anyone who could hurt me. From the numerous schools I endured, one after another I began to feel emotions less and less. I called it my wall. Anyways, the real adventure starts in grade eight. Too young? No, this is where the journey starts; true love is an adventure, not just an event like the Fourth of July.
I had barely moved to the US. I did miss my friends, but to a certain extent. Again, my "wall" was supposedly keeping those feelings away.

I had never really felt alone before. That is until I came to the US. I was never super popular but I always did have that group of friends. To be quite honest, most people would just hang out with me for my slight British accent and "good" looks. After they got to know me more, they'd finally leave. I guess this is none other than my fault for blocking people out and becoming the introverted shut-in I was. The only thing I decided to do was focus on my studies.

Meeting her. I still can picture her today. Thanks to my photographic memory. It really is a curse. Sure I can remember chemistry, calculus, and physics, but I also remember every moment. Every second with her. Every second that I can never get back.
The first sight I saw of her was on the second day of our class trip. Our eighth grade held a class trip to "get along better with each other." Yes, she was pretty. How I hadn't noticed her before was beyond me. We were in different classes but to tell the truth, that shouldn't have been an excuse. Our first interaction was really quite awkward. Merely just a "Hi" to one another and we were off. My wall had blocked those "lovey-dovey" feelings but I guess fate had planned otherwise.

It was at lunch. We were all eating outside, as it was a pleasant day. I still remember the sunrays through the few clouds. I'm not sure if the school just didn't care, or if they were trying to give us "freedom," but on that trip we could practically eat on the edge of a cliff and be fine. Of course, I was sitting alone. Many people had tried to sit with me before the trip but quickly learned that I never really talked. Nobody wants to sit by "that" guy. What was most surprising though, was the girl sitting alone on the bench near some trees. She was in my view, so I couldn't help but stare. She didn't notice me that day, but the more I stared, the warmer I would start to feel.

The next day, or the third day of the trip, after a long night full of chatter from my cabin, I finally awoke to the call from the teachers. I quickly got dressed and ended up sitting in the same spot after obtaining my breakfast. Ahead was the same girl. I found myself staring at that same beauty again. I mean, I have had crushes before. But they were so small it would last only a day before my wall would drown it out. The feeling for this girl felt no different from all those other few times. I really didn't worry too much about it. I was sure it would be drowned out before anything could happen.

But two days passed and the trip was coming to a close. That feeling still persisted.

Back to school. Of course she was on my mind. Why wouldn't she? She was truly the first to defy my wall. With all the courage I had, I went forth to approach her. I had never done this in my life. Maybe it was the empty void created by the lack of friends that I was trying to fill. It was lunch, and I had prepared a whole speech in my head, but of course, when do speeches in the mind ever work out? I practically sat by her on the empty table and stuttered some gibberish, even forgetting to say my name. Before I was to lose all my courage, she had laughed quietly and told me her name. Sophia. A name I cannot and will not forget. Not just the name, but the person is etched into my heart. Our conversation seemed to run smoothly from there. Maybe it was plain miracle, but I didn't stutter or even start mumbling. Maybe it was one of the most normal things I have done in my life.

Naturally we became friends. It was an obvious match if you ask me. We were both lonely, shy, and in need of a friend. I can't explain every memory due to the fact that I have more than I can count, but maybe I will write more another time. For now, I will just continue the story.

Ninth grade. First year of high school. Yes, it was the same school, same people, but with a slight change. We were older. More freedom? Not really but all this was still exciting. I remember a weekend when a good chunk of our year had passed. I had asked if Sophia wanted to go fishing and swim in a lake near my house. She had replied, "I'd love to, but just one sec, I'll ask my parents." Don't forget, we were still freshmen who needed confirmation from our parents. Luckily they had agreed.

It was beautiful really. The trees were blooming with color, and we were sitting in the shade as the last signs of summer left. I had said, "It's been a strange year so far," to which she replied, "It has." We had already taken many tests, which I found easy without studying for due to my photographic memory and Sophia, being naturally bright, had done just as well. Of course I had kept those secret admirer feelings within me. It may sound cliché, but it is all very true. Falling for your best friend is a painful thing in itself. She finally brought up the idea of swimming when she said, "I feel hot, c'mon let's go swim." This was strange since it was not particularly hot but I didn't argue. Realization struck us as we were at a lake without a single building within sight. I know, I said the lake was near my house, but it was still a hike away. Changing. How were we to do that? Sophia began to blush as she realized this too. I suggested, "Maybe we could go behind some trees?" Seeing no other way, we decided to stick to that plan. Looking back at it now, it was kind of childish but hey, who could blame me? After we had changed we stepped out behind our respective trees after calling out that we were done. Laying our clothes on the ground, we glanced at each other. At first, I froze. Soon, I felt the blush rush to my cheeks as the prettiest girl I have ever seen and will ever see was standing in front of me in her bikini. She just laughed at me and grabbed my hand as she pulled me to the water. The water was cold, and fire colored leaves floated on the surface of the water as if they were floating. I remember the chill of the water shoot up my spine but was quenched by the warmth of our still intertwined fingers. Yes, we were still only friends.

Tenth Grade. Tenth grade was not all that exciting. School felt easy and boring but I always looked forward to Sophia’s bright smile. She was my best friend. My only friend. Even though we were probably closer than most couples, we still were not “official.” I remember during this year, I had just finished a test and walking out of the classroom when I was tackled by a figure, slightly smaller than I. Sophia. She had come to ask about the test but had jumped just a bit too hard. We had both fallen to the ground, her head lying on my stomach. I was dazed for a second before we both burst out laughing. She really was perfect.

Eleventh grade. This was an important year. The decision between colleges grew near. Sophia and I were still just friends, but we were inseparable. We even went to dances together. A girl really means something to you when she is the only thing on your mind. When she is the light of your every day. When she is the only happiness in your life. When she just makes you smile. And when she is the only person you have ever loved. I don't quite remember when I fell in love. It sort of just happened. But this year. This year I would finally show my feelings. It felt like I would overload otherwise. No, she did not reject me. That is not the pain I hold. If it were merely that, I may have felt the pain and buried it deep inside. But no. The pain I hold, even I cannot hide.
She had frozen when I told her that I felt something more than friends. At first I thought it was a mistake. Like everything I had worked for was gone. I even had a speech planned out, but I guess I didn't learn from my first experience with planning speeches. But to my surprise, she just hugged me and whispered in my ear that she felt the same way.

First kiss. A magical moment. It really is. We were in the park. It was one of our favorite hangouts. Sometimes we would just walk hand in hand, talking about everything from school, to our favorite movies. Sometimes, we would have a picnic and lie on the ground, Sophia in my arms, and just stare at the clouds. But our first kiss. Our first kiss was a special day. It was a warm day, and I stopped while we were walking, our fingers intertwined. At first I had seen a small squirrel in a tree. But when I didn’t find it, I turned around finding something even better. My Sophia was just staring at me. The smile on her face was priceless. It seemed like there was nothing else in the world she would rather do. I just moved in. I didn’t even think. Our lips had just crashed together and my vision blacked as my eyes shut. My first kiss was with an angel.

Days. We spent so many days together. It was something I looked forward to each night. I would wake up every Friday and my heart would pump with excitement. What I loved the most, however, was waking up with an angel beside me. Sophia secretly had a key to my house and sometimes snuck in without anyone noticing. Not even me. My surprise when I found her next to me always made my heart leap. We would then laugh and begin our day. The days full of sunshine and pure bliss. The days that are of the past and will never return.

"I love you." Those three words. I had said them on a winter day. She was lying on my chest as if I were a bed. It was a beautiful day and the snow was glistening around us. We had just finished our snowball fight and we lay down in the white fluff. I couldn't help it really. She just looked so perfect. When she flipped over so she was now facing me, hands to the left and right of my head, I remember that perfect smile. I can even see now, her honey blonde hair flowing around our faces, separating us from the outside world. I can see her shiny blue eyes staring deep into my green ones. That was when the words came. I had to. Her only response was, "I love you too,” before our lips crashed together.

Twelfth grade. Senior year. We were a perfect couple. Something of fairy tales. Something of dreams. Dare I say, we loved each other more than anyone in the world combined? That's how we felt. And true enough, that's how it was. I know I should have remembered prom more, but I was so tired that night. We had danced our hearts out and poured all our love into that night. We had fallen asleep together but we knew of the coming year. Deep down, we both knew it would come no matter how many times we denied it. College.

At least we had the summer, but it was not nearly enough. When the time came, nothing could hold back our tears. We could feel all the eyes gazing upon us as we hugged our hearts out. My wall was shattered. There was no wall there to save me. No. Someone had broken that. We agreed to call each day but still the tears came. Imagine living in the most perfect place with the most perfect partner and anything you wanted would come true. Now imagine it all being gone the next day. That is how I felt on that plane ride. Thinking back on it, the person I sat next to must have been really confused, as I had cried like a little boy who had lost his mother. I don't remember much though, just the blurry movies I attempted to watch, drowned out by my tears.

College. Wake up, eat, sleep, repeat. Wake up, eat, sleep, repeat. That was my life. The first few days went well enough. I would always look forward to her bright smile. Even on a webcam she looked like a goddess. Her voice, although not as clear, echoed like music to my ears. Then it happened. The calls just stopped. No goodbye. No message. The last thing I had heard was the musical words of: “I love you.” My Sophia. I left a message each day hoping for something to happen. I kept fooling myself into thinking that she had lost her phone and had no way of contacting me. But she knew my number by heart. And we could still Skype. I thought, maybe she was just too hurt. Either way. I cried. Every night. I didn't even respond to the girl beside me giving me winky faces or the girl ahead of me turning around to talk to me. I had closed, just like how I was before. But this was not it. This is just a fraction of the pain I feel. What I didn't know was the truth. The real reason she didn't respond. Or call.

A call. No. Not from her. Not from my Sophia, but from her parents. They told me that something bad happened to Sophia. Frozen. I couldn't believe a word I heard. I wouldn't. My mind just wouldn't. I would do anything for my Sophia but I felt so helpless.

The plane ticket back was rather cheap. It didn't matter if it was a million dollars. I would walk across the planet to see her.

The bed. A hospital bed. Why did it have to be a hospital bed? There she lay. There were tubes everywhere. There is only one word to answer the million questions in my head: cancer. Cancer? Since when did she have cancer? Supposedly it was one of those things that just appears out of nowhere. It didn’t matter how many science textbooks I memorized, I didn't know a thing about cancer, just that it was taking my Sophia away. The doctor said there was nothing he could do. Nothing he could do...

"I love you." Those were the last words I heard from her. I had said that everything would be all right. I even tried studying and solving cancer myself. But there is a reason it has not yet been solved. I had told her that my love would protect her. It was a lie. No love could have protected her from this world. Not even mine.

Funeral. Tears. Blur. More tears. Pain. There was nothing I could do. I could just cry and cry some more. It had just happened so quickly. Too quickly. I wish I had died instead. The pain I hold is a million times worse than death. My Sophia…

I am crying now thinking back. To be honest, I have cried so much during this piece.
I can't write anymore. I just can't. My Sophia, no matter how many more days I live, my days with you were my golden days. The days I could really live life. It has been two years now. No therapy can stop my bleeding. My pain will last forever and I've become the boy I was before we met. The Introverted shut-in I was meant to be. But you were worth it. You still are. If I could change anything, I wouldn't do a thing differently except to hold you tighter than ever before.

I love you Sophia. Forever.

Tags: Love, Death, Pain
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Kayla says:
09 Feb, 2015 02:03 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds like an absolutely beautiful person.

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Bella says:
11 Feb, 2015 08:38 AM

I am very sorry. I'm sure she is watching you now with loving eyes. God bless both of you.

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Tracy says:
13 Feb, 2015 04:36 PM

I very sorry

????

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Eddie says:
14 Feb, 2015 05:06 AM

Wow. I'm sorry for your loss. That hit me right in the feels, watery eyes and lump in my throat. I can't imagine losing what you had. Don't give up though, man. Life is to valuable.

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Max says:
14 Feb, 2015 10:37 PM

I'm sorry you had to go through this but I'm sure wherever she is now in sure she will always be by your side...never lose faith

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Helen says:
15 Feb, 2015 07:54 AM

I feel so sorry for you, when i lost my boyfriend when he moved to another school i was crying everything i thought of him ;-;

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Charlie says:
17 Feb, 2015 04:33 AM

I'm so sorry. ;-; It sounds like you two had great times. Please live on just like your memories, life is so precious.

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Robyn says:
17 Feb, 2015 07:35 AM

I feel terribly sorry for your loss. Your pain is a pain that can never be expressed and never will extinguish, like an everlasting flame. Love is an adventure that sometimes can come to an abrupt halt, like a bullet straight through your heart. No one can feel how you feel but we can try to understand. I hope that soon you can be at peace or be at a whole again with your dearest Sophia. You have my greatest sympathy and hopes, I will pray that god watches over you. I hope you can read this comment yourself sincerely, Robyn
Age 14

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Subhamoy says:
18 Feb, 2015 03:18 PM

Luvliest story...pls Dn't gve up anyway,she is in u..

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glidel says:
19 Feb, 2015 12:41 AM

Oh
What a wonderful story
I'm sorry though
your a brave man that I'd ever encountered
God be with you and to your love sophia

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Fallon says:
20 Feb, 2015 05:49 PM

Really sorry for you.

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srijita says:
20 Feb, 2015 09:20 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Roger says:
23 Feb, 2015 01:33 AM

Um...I really don't know what to say. I feel like saying "I'm so sorry" is really clichè. I don't even know who you are... but I do know that you shouldn't stop writing. I really loved your story. I could feel your pain and love, for they really do go hand in hand. This may be selfish, but please keep loving. I want to say more, I really do. But I'm not sure what to say...please help me figure it out as I read more of your works.

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ivy says:
23 Feb, 2015 02:43 PM

Can't help myself cry when I read this• I'm so sorry for your loss• I know someday things will get better :(

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Wathy says:
26 Feb, 2015 03:47 AM

Its really make me sad...really sorry about....but sure everything will fine one day..and she was with you always...true love always win...otherwise its fake...one..tc.

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msangocc3 says:
28 Feb, 2015 08:35 PM

ohoo ! My brother very very sorry for sad ur sad stories . But one things is that the one who create happy is the one who create pain is God . So if is God .he have the power for recover ur heart pain . Stay in Jesus. Joshua 1:1-8

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Rhymewright says:
02 Mar, 2015 03:14 PM

Every tear you shed will be turned into gladness.

Flip this situation on its head, Shaun. Would you have been better off never having gotten to know Sophia? Or has her presence in your life, despite its tragic turn, been for nothing? Reading how tenderly you remember her, I can tell you right away that it hasn't been for nothing, and that you're much more than the poor, self-enclosed boy you were before.

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Destany King says:
10 Mar, 2015 12:25 AM

Love this story....
Sorry that, that happened to you but good comes out of bad or terrible so keep your head up. And never give up on wat you love. Like me I'll NEVER give up on my boyfriend he's my world.

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regine says:
13 Mar, 2015 05:02 AM

i feel so sorry upon hearing your story shaun..And I really can feel the sadness that you feel right now.I just hope that everything will be okay.Lets keep on praying Shaun that someday all the pain that you fell now will turn into happiness. God is with you :) Everything has a reason and amazing things do really happen. Just Believe in Him .It will. In time

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Adam says:
02 Apr, 2015 06:19 AM

This is really sad, I feel so bad, she must be really beautiful and pretty. very sorry :'(

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Jason says:
13 May, 2015 08:22 PM

the end is not at hand, my friend. Your story reminds me of my own but yours is much more painful. don't give up.

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millancy says:
14 Sep, 2015 02:49 PM

am xrying and speechless its too much for u

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Rachel says:
08 Nov, 2015 08:53 PM

im so sorry that you lost her, losing someone is a terrible thing, you will always remember her, she is probably looking down on you right now. you miss her i know. things will get better, they did for me, i still miss him and i will always remember him but eventually the pain decreases, but there will be those days that the pain hits you out of nowhere and all you can do is cry, it sucks but it will get better. im so sorry you lost her, hope you feel better

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silvia Amsugut says:
18 Dec, 2015 12:59 PM

sobbing...dont even have a rough idea of what i should tell you,its painful but its sad that sometimes we have to move on with life no matter what.thats why sometimes we sit and think and sometimes we just sit,but if you truly love her keep her memory alive in you and that might be your breakthrough am sure she wants the best for u..

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anjali says:
21 Dec, 2015 04:14 PM

I can understand ur pain .....i also have lost my true lv but in my story the guy i lv has cheated on me .....i always think that why i lv him i must hate him but every time i think about him my lv became more .....in front of my eyes he is always with his gf but i m hlpless.....now i m happy that he is happy ...

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matteyos says:
02 Jan, 2016 09:18 AM

sad story.really sad i feel like crying but thats life it can not be changed am very sorry

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mulkey says:
16 Nov, 2016 09:26 PM

am very sorry bro

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Vishnu says:
13 Jan, 2017 07:07 PM

I'm am deeply sorry for your loss....ur Sophia is a dream for any true and a gentle soul....her loss is unforgettable memory....I was absolute tears about her death....even thought there maybe no one like her...someone may just surprise you....good luck..good life !

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LONER says:
04 Feb, 2017 06:05 PM

I can't say it's okay because it's not. But now, it's been a year since you wrote this story. How are you?

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Ruth. says:
05 Jul, 2018 10:49 AM

Hold on to that deep love in your heart.
Be grateful for the precious gift she gave you

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