I still care.30 Sep, 2011 06:06 PM
I miss you.
It started out in 6th grade. We were 11. It was Christmas break and you had asked out probably 4 girls. And, yes, i was your last destination. You told your friend, who told my friend, who told me, that you liked me. I still remember it to this day.
I got your number, and we started texting. We started talking in December, and i liked you and you liked me, but i didn't want a boyfriend. We became very close. We were an awkward little duo.
We told each other EVERYTHING over text. But nothing in person. We didn't speak once. Finally, after 2 months of "talking" you asked me out. I said yes. We still didn't speak in person, but we texted each other from 6:00 am, until late, late at night. At school we would save spots for each other at lunch, and in the gym. It was a cute little relationship.
I was still 11 at the time, and i had no idea what it meant to "love".
Over the summer, i went to a camp for children with diabetes. I met a kid, and i thought he was so cute and funny. I felt the slightest attraction to him. I had to tell "Joe" (cover up name), who was still my boyfriend at the time, because i felt terrible.
He then told me that he didn't like that, and so we broke up. I cried at camp, i cried at school, i cried at home. all night. every day. i really believe i loved him. 7th grade came along, and we had still been talking over the summer and stuff. He would tell me he liked me, and then tell me he liked another girl. And i would cry some more. And he just played me. Over and over.
I finally just asked him to tell me the straight up truth, and he told me that "he only liked me because he felt bad". I was crushed. I didn't talk to anyone. This was in 7th grade, and i was 12ish.
Now I am in 8th grade, almost in high school, and over the summer he would like me and then not like me for a day. I mean, he wasn't a terrible person. He was SUPER smart, athletic, and nice. And he wasn't afraid to hide his emotions towards me. Our parents knew each other and we all still talk to this day.
But its not the same. Now he doesn't like me. But, i still like him. I have ever since Christmas break of 6th grade. And i.. i think i just love him? I'm turning 14 in the next month. And i know everyone reading this is going to blow it off and think I'm being dramatic.. But i really, really like this kid.. and unfortunately, i have a feeling i always will. Every time he smiles, i smile. I look at him and feel butterflies. STILL. I don't know what to do.. and its been this way for about 3 years. He knows everything about me, i know everything about him. And so now i don't know what to do. I told all my friends, including him, that i don't like him anymore. But the only person who knows its a lie, is me. And i always will like him.. Always.