That's my Dan !
Ashna Anne Philip18 Oct, 2012 05:54 AM
That night he was here, that man who knew and understood me and yeah – loved me for who exactly I am ..Holding me tight , afraid that there was someone out in the dark waiting to take me away from him .. his lips were steady as he said "baby .. no matter what, I am always there for you , you know that?"
"uh-uh" I replied confused. "And do you know that I have loved you so much more than what you’d ever imagined love is, and that it can neither be measured nor weighed?"
"yes – I do know"
I looked into his eyes, his eyes never leaving mine .. I knew there was something he wanted me know .. just my ears he did not want it to travel from my nerves to brain and ask him cross-questions .. I wanted to say him it was all right .. and whatever was his problem we both could conquer it down .. but I decided that I would never dodge him to say it to me .. I wanted him-self to say it to me - at least when he thought he could trust me on it .
His eyes were weary and tired .. I felt that nothing of him was the same .. although he was the same old Dan .. there was something missing in him ---- the way he touched me said it all , every day after the day’s work he’d come on in and sit on the couch , removing his formal shirt and flexing his muscles he’d say ..
"Ash ..I need a women like oxygen" saying this he’d fall on me and kiss me.. the type of kiss that could heal pain away and turn sorrow into joy . He was all but everything an ideal women would have ever dreamed off ..and I've always considered myself lucky for having seen the best laugh in the world .
Today was another day and holding me tight was another Dan , at least not the man I've loved for years.
I waited patiently for his lips to activate and at last he blurted out partially dropping tears and said something I’d never wanted to hear from his lips , he asked for a BREAK UP . I swallowed some oxygen and asked "A what Dan?" hoping that he’d never said that.
"Oh please Ash don’t make me say that again .. I know you have heard me and that’s all I want for the moment " he said facing down, I felt that I were shot right through my chest .. The word he said pierced into my heart making a hole visible inside my mind. I felt the world’s one complete revolution taking place in that moment . I wanted him to say that he was just lying about It, instead looking elsewhere he said "I’d found my dream girl .. she is beautiful , she loves me and I love her .. Sorry Ash , but am totally into her." His voice was shaky and I were totally numb the blood flow inside my body had stopped, I didn't feel anything because I had lost my feelings .. my senses, right then I were a something that could breathe but had no emotions .. no life . I lifted my hands and kept’em on his cheeks .. it was cold , and I said, "Tell me you don’t mean it Dan , I know this ain't you .. not the one I've loved , please kiss and tell me that everything before five seconds was just an illusion" .. he shut his lashes down and began to cry , he pressed his lips on not wanting to cry more .
"please" I said "I’d go out of your life but please don’t cry , I can never withstand that." He looked at me, tears swelling in his eyes .. I said , "Although you can lie to me now , I know that you can and will always love me , or let me take it that way .. and my house is just few lanes from yours , the door wouldn't close at your face .. It is always open , just wanted you to remember that" not wanting to see his tears , I walked straight to my car and went home.
six months later , after my final semester I’d got this letter from Dan ,
To mine in Earth ,
Dear Ashlyn .. Hope you ain't mad at me , although I am mad at no one but myself. Do you remember that I had loved you before? well I just wanted you to know that I still love you and that I would continue the same love in future too .. That day was nothing but a play in which we both had played the main roles .. I had to lie to you because I wanted you to forget me , because my live days could only be predicted by god .. it was in the hands of my doctors,. in glucose and hospital beds I lived .. my hair has been shaved off .. my muscles have all died inside myself .. my blood has been infected with various macromolecules that cuts down by bodily systems .. I've lost my weight .. my attitude and everything through which anyone could judge me from the outside .. but there is one thing that grew the entire time .. one thing the virus couldn't take away from me .. one thing I pleaded not to be taken from me .. my love for you , that is the only thing that grew even through my chemo and radiation sections. Now I just wanted you to know that you have been the perfect girl of my dreams, the one that had given me the colors of my life when the entire world was dark .. whenever you do feel lonely shut your lashes down and I’d be there in front of you .. holding you tight like your guardian angel .. till you find your perfect man .. There is nothing to worry because time heals pain and you’ll surely get on with your life .
P.S I will always love you , till the last breath of this universe.
From yours in heaven.
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CommentsPost a Comment
22 Jan, 2013 04:36 PM
I am crying,seriously crying.In public even.Your story has touched me in ways you couldnt imagine.I thought of me and my boyfriend as i read it,how he has left me.If you need to talk please respond to this comment and i can leave you my email.
24 Jan, 2013 07:10 AM
A very touching story.. tears cnt stop falling!
24 Jan, 2013 08:37 AM
was greatly moved by yo story.quite strange to find such great love.
Im realy sry Ash
27 Jan, 2013 10:25 AM
i´m crying... never saw so much love before...
I´m very sorry Ash, my best wishes for you.
28 Jan, 2013 03:12 PM
i felt so ugh while reading your story and it totally broke my heart!
31 Jan, 2013 07:37 AM
:(( i really love the story , although i didn't cry but the sad emotion inside me ran through my viens ..
02 Feb, 2013 08:34 AM
O.M.G it was so sad ...i can't stop my tears 2 go out..
04 Feb, 2013 02:04 PM
Very sad I would be Sadie my bf ever did that to me
05 Feb, 2013 01:09 AM
so sad.but that's life,everything happens for a reason.
be strong ash....
06 Feb, 2013 04:20 AM
.Whaaaaaat... Your story is so touchy Ash,be strong for him and for your self
10 Feb, 2013 08:26 AM
so sad be stong ash be stong :( ilove this story
12 Feb, 2013 03:07 AM
OMG this story really touched my heart that poor girl is so heart broken i hope they fine eachother again...btw beautiful story im in tears<3
12 Feb, 2013 06:53 PM
Its realy painfuly 2 lose someone u love the most. . .but Ash b strong. .
13 Feb, 2013 07:54 PM
really sad. so sweet even. cancer has ruined many lives but has bought people together aswell. i get very emotional with these stories and stress over them. love this story. sad.
14 Feb, 2013 12:16 PM
I wish i had someone who loved me that much atleast i'd die knowing i had sumone love m lyk tht even if it was 4 a second
14 Feb, 2013 10:23 PM
WoW this story was stupid even though the guy loved her he left her wow, who would do that?
15 Feb, 2013 04:52 AM
aaw this is so sad!!
16 Feb, 2013 02:44 AM
Don't worry your perfect Dan is in heaven. Like he says he will always be with you. Thank God for perfect love. You are so lucky for having experienced such love.
16 Feb, 2013 04:42 AM
such a true love..!!
wish each of uz has tat spirit in uz..!!
love neva end..!!
16 Feb, 2013 08:20 PM
I hope that you read my message: this is probably the hardest moment in your life, probably you will never recover from this story, hopefully because this shows that you loved this man, but never give up in your life and always believe in yourself, always remember this man that you have loved so much.
18 Mar, 2013 07:22 AM
im crying..shit cant believe im crying.. very sad..i hope you get well n really sorry
23 Mar, 2013 03:30 AM
Thanks for all the Love and care, I appreciate that
All though it took me nearly 3 yrs to get over with Dan's death, time eventually played its role and am partially getting over with it.
@Lilith Thanks for the concern
@Ree day by day am getting strong
@Bad Commentator Dan would do that
@Sino You will get someone who loves you , for just the way you are
@Archibald and @Melyn Yes I know
and again to all thanks for all your concern.
It meant a lot to me.
26 Mar, 2013 10:24 AM
That was Indeed sad, hope you better soon ;)
16 Oct, 2013 04:56 AM
Thanks Miles :)
23 Mar, 2014 01:09 PM
very heartbreaking ;-(
01 May, 2014 11:34 PM
Just be strong ash and he did the best for the both of you and he will always take care of you
29 Oct, 2015 06:06 PM
i remember when i loved someone and they broke my heart but i am in tears right now glad that i don't have to go thro what your dealing with.
27 Apr, 2017 06:50 PM
First i wanted to say this was very sad,and lastly though it has nothing to do with your story i wanted to say...i like your name,i find it very pretty.
29 Sep, 2017 10:13 AM
I love it. You are beautiful.