Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional03 Feb, 2011 07:40 PM
Most people have occasional ups and downs in their life. I have that too. What I have is a lot more severe than just the occasional ups and downs. When some unfortunate events occur to me, I feel worthless. Changes occur to me rapidly. I loose appetite, sleep and interest on everything. Eventually, I think of cutting myself or loose hope of being alive. When I am happy, I feel like the happiest person on the earth. I feel like telling the world I am happy. Pretty sure, I have some abnormalities in me. But, am I the only one? I feel that there are other people like me who lives around me with abnormalities more or less.
Cutting is an emotional disorder. I am writing today because I have suffered through it. Cutting is the intentional act of harming on oneself with or without suicidal intend. Even if it is without suicidal intend, later it may develop into one.
I used to cut myself a lot to relieve stress and purify my body. Because I felt worthless and undesirable, it was a way to cope with my negative emotion. I was more into cutting when I was neglected by my loved ones. I would get upset when she considered me stupid. Those visible cuts on my hand and wrist gave me a feeling of being in control. It felt like I was ruling my life, not letting my life to rule me. Cutting was like a drug to me, the more I cut myself, the better I felt. I became stronger, eventually not feeling any pain of my wounds. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism. Those marks are still present in my wrist and hands, however someday they will fade away. But the pain I have in my heart, and every now and then rises up, how will I heal from it? ?