It wasn't love, It was an attachment
21 Nov, 2018 04:58 AM
It started with a tinder swipe. Who would've thought I'd actually fall in love and share life with a tinder match.
We spent 5 months talking before we decided to finally meet. And he was great, he seemed like a very kind and caring guy. Once we met we started our relationship.
It started out great. A month into our relationship we decided to live together. I moved in to his apartment and we made it a home together. It was fun, amazing and was never lonely. I was so in love with him and I knew I was. He was the first to say the whole "I love you" and I had goosebumps. We seemed so happy together but I was wrong.
About 5-6 months after living together he started getting abusive. Nights started to turn into those nights full of tears. Wondering if he loved me, wondering if he was being loyal to me. He started emotionally and physically abusing me. But I loved him. I couldn't imagine my life without this guy. I was attached.
One night we were drinking and he had signed into all his social media on my phone and had left his self logged in being too drunk to even sit up. So I stormed to the bathroom to see for myself if this guy was loyal to me.
My heart was racing and I was full of anger and hurt hoping not to find anything that would hurt me. What do you know. He was telling other girls he loved them. That he will see them soon and what not. There would be saved nudes from some of those girls and I sat there and broke down. I went to him to confront him. Put the nude in his face and asked "what the fuck is this". He got so mad at me, and him being drunk he beat me for looking through his things. I didn't want to leave. I couldn't imagine anyone else having him. I just slept in a different bed that night. When we got up the next day he acted like nothing even happened. He was kissing me and asking me why I didn't sleep with him. I just sat there in silence so very hurt by it all.
I found out in those few months he was messing around on me and I still didn't want to leave him.
Few more months went by and I finally messaged one of the girls he's been talking to and she asked me to call her. She told me everything that went on between them and I guess he cheated. I confronted him about it and he lied right to my face. I just put it behind me and believed him.
Days would go by and our relationship still went down hill and I knew it wasn't going anywhere.
One day I had a bunch of comments on my fb statuses from him telling me to go kill myself. Or else he would threaten to kill me.
One day I was so very hurt that I left him without saying a word. I had many messages from him asking if I was okay and he was checking on me and some how he lured me in with the words he was saying. I fell for everything he said. I went back to him and after sleeping with him he went right back to being an asshole towards me. And I was right back to where I started. I stayed with him for awhile longer and he was still contacting that same girl that I had called. She would send me screen shots of the things he says and it was truly heart breaking. I would still confront him about it but he would start denying everything and saying he doesn't love her or else call her very bad names. But he would still go talk to her.
I was hurt.I stayed distant and he blamed me for our relationship being shitty.
It finally got to the point where I didn't care who he would message. I wasn't afraid to leave him. So I finally left him. I put myself first. I was going to do everything I wasn't able to do while I was with him.
It's so hard leaving someone who you felt so much for. Spending so much time with them and then suddenly it's all over. But losing that interest in them is the most best feeling.
Nov. 20th 2018 he finally went to court for 3 charges that I laid down. I couldn't do it anymore.
I've never felt more alive and honestly it took so long for me to leave but I finally just put my foot down and left.