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The Story...

Anonymous

03 Jun, 2018 11:18 PM

The story you will now read is completely true, with zero amounts of fiction to it. I understand that many people are into creating fabricated stories to share with others, however, this story isn’t one of those kind, unfortunately. This story will be very detailed and fairly extensive, simply to provide better context, as if you experienced the story yourself. To keep things anonymous, I will change the names of characters in the story for certain reasons. This story is true, as it relates to me, and I feel it’s necessary for me to simply empty out what has been piling up inside me. I’m hoping this will make letting go of certain things much easier…

I was a junior in high school at the age of 16 and then 17 the next semester in March. I’m currently 19 and in college as I write this. I remember my first day of junior year getting to school fairly early in case I would need to double-check my classes and schedule, and I was also wearing brand new clothing bought during the last summer, so I was well dressed like many other guys at the time. My best friend who I met during my second week of high school, or, ever since the start of high school, met up with me and we both found out that we had the same 1st-period class and some other ones as well, even though we checked schedules but never realized the match. Let’s call him Ken. I instantly felt ecstatic and confident that I would have someone with me to take on the first class of the year. Even now, me and Ken are constantly in touch and can go to limitless extents for the sake of each other. After the two of us waited for the class door to open, we were able to get a look into the classroom: it had anywhere from 35 to 40 desks which were formed into two groups, about half and half on both sides as they faced each other. Meaning that if you were to step into the room, you’d be parallel to the right wall by a few inches and directly ahead towards you would be the teacher’s desk facing you. If you were to walk straight half-way, a path about 3 feet wide would be found that would separate the two groups of desks facing each other. In other words, you could imagine the desk as the two sides of a volleyball court, and the empty walking area as the net. The two of us sat in the group of desks closest to the door and to the left, meaning that we were a row away from being against the wall. This unknowingly let us get a look at not just everyone sitting in our group of rows, but also the other side that faced us, and I remember it being a comfortable and nostalgic area in the classroom.

Just minutes later, a girl walked in and sat behind Ken, meaning that she took a seat by the wall. We’ll call her Caitlyn. I had recognized her, although I had never talked to her before. I had seen her around campus my sophomore year and knew very slightly about her. She instantly begins talking to Ken, and it turns out the two know each other fairly well and turned out to be friends. And just like that, in a matter of days me and Caitlyn became extremely close friends. What I wouldn’t know at the time was that Caitlyn would only be here for junior year and that she would move the very next year. It still makes me wonder how in such a short time span me and Caitlyn became such close friends, from knowing nothing about each other to practically everything soon after we met. The three of us would help each through the class and felt the attachment grow within the first two months of the year.

A few weeks into the school year, the plot of this story develops. Being so lost in wanting success in school and enjoying my days with Ken and Caitlyn, I didn’t realize I was someone else’s point of attention. During a casual day into the new school year, Ken and Caitlyn tell me a girl directly across from the room in the opposite group of desks would constantly stare at me. I turned side to side subtly to check who they were talking about. Sure enough, she was in my same row across the room facing me and she was blocked by about three seats in front of her from the walking path, as was I in my group of desks. That day and a few other days I actually began to think why she would constantly look at me. What my friends said was true: She would simply look at me without a facial expression, but I remember seeing a spec of curiosity in her eyes. At first, I would really care less that she was just some girl staring me down, if not awkward. After a matter of a few weeks with the same look in her eyes, I thought more and more about her. Ken and Caitlyn would tell me that she most likely has a thing for me, yet I never took them seriously.

We’ll call this girl Dee. Constantly thinking about Dee, I felt a kind of attachment that I didn’t get at first when I noticed her. She really was just something else, just a bit shorter than me (I was about 5’ 9’’ at the time), dark black hair, a light brown complexion, and dark brownish eyes. I trusted Ken and Caitlyn with everything that had to do with me, and so I told them how I felt. One day outside of class, Caitlyn talked to Dee and asked if she already had a boyfriend and Caitlyn told me about the whole conversation. I felt like she didn’t really have to ask around for me and just bring me up, but I never really said so. Somehow, an app in my phone automatically recommended Dee as a contact, and as hesitant as I was, I added her, and we began to chat, yet it was only a handful of times we talked outside of class until we later added each other on Instagram a few months later. Once for her birthday, I sent her a message to just congratulate her, and that text would barely mark my 4th or 5th conversation with her. Just like that, junior year would end, and senior year approached everyone.

Senior year, I, unfortunately, didn’t have any classes with Dee and we would mostly see each other around campus. Ken and Caitlyn also changed schools this year, and it was this year we began chatting more and were basically friends, although when we would meet each other during school there would be a strange sense of awkwardness for the both of us, but definitely by me the most. I remember bringing her food one time before class and had her hang out with the rest of my friends who she knew fairly well about. She began to open up to me about her life, and I felt good about this, as it helped boost my confidence around her. She came for a good family, but they weren’t the most financially stable, and she quickly understood my family background and she most likely saw us as wealthy, hardworking individuals, even though she never even saw any of my family.

Over text, she would tell me about her work and how her ex-boyfriend would be stuck at work together. The problem was that he was obsessed to a dangerous extent over her (I could see why), and she would block his number only to get his texts and calls over and over again. Dee never wanted to get back with him and she still hasn’t to this day. We would meet during lunch and she would show me their conversations. Me being a helpful person always tried to lighten her mood and get over him. Through things like these, I felt closer to her than before, and I just went where the flow would take me.

Around March that school year, prom came and I never felt an urge to go. If I did want to go to prom, it would be with Dee, but I was too scared to ask and I was almost certain she already had someone to go with. I remember spending prom away from the event with a good friend as we went out to eat. He knew prom had been going on, and I knew Dee would be going. He asked if I wanted to just drive by and get a peek at the event, but I denied, and so we enjoyed the day together, while my mind was still on Dee. A few days later, me and Dee ended up chatting on the topic of prom, and to my surprise, she told she didn’t have anyone to go with that day. I felt slightly horrible inside, and that maybe if I had the courage to ask her, she wouldn’t have been alone. And so I told her that I would’ve chosen to go with her, and she said I was too nice for saying that.

By June, we would graduate together and we both looked our best. She was with her friends and me with mine. I walked the stage with my name being called and she also went up. Once we got the chance to get our diplomas, the entire area was flooded with guests and family. I saw Dee at a distance and in hopes to meet with her on last time, I yelled her name, but she never heard me. I didn’t have enough time to meet everyone because my whole family had plans that night, but I was pushed to meet her, and unfortunately what I wished for never happened, and we all left.

A few days after graduation, we talked again over text and she told me she practically yelled for me when I walked the stage, and we just casually talked about the entire thing and how we were finally done with high school. Before school actually ended, me and her were on a streak in Snapchat, meaning that every day we texted each other, and this went until July the following summer. I went on a trip with my whole family as a vacation, and in July it almost felt as if she was losing interest in me. To save our streak, I often texted her just about anything and I found myself struggling to keep the streak going. Now that I think about it, the streak pretty much represented our feelings for each other: mine strong as ever but hers slowly dying out. Our streak ended at about 62 or 63 in the middle of July.

In September I started my first semester of college and from that point until now, after I’m done with my second semester, her way of talking to me is nothing like it was when we first used to talk in high school. As a matter of fact, she never talked to me and I would always initiate the conversation. My first semester ended in December, and the next January she already had a photo with someone else and his name written everywhere her Instagram and bio. It had been confirmed she was with someone else. I didn’t know how I particularly felt, but what hit me the most was the guy she was with. With the pathetic luck I realized I had by now, the guy she was with was a good friend of mine in middle school and we went our separate ways in high school. Me and him would constantly mess around and have a good time in middle school, only to realize the two got together, and I had to come to terms that the only girl I ever liked ended up together with my best friend from middle school.

As I’m writing this, I’m finished with my second semester at college and it’s been exactly a year since me and Dee graduated. We have only had the most minor conversations which most like never lasted 5 messages each, and all the conversation were scattered by at least a few weeks each. I ended up realizing that Dee herself NEVER texted me first and that it was always me. It wasn’t that I constantly annoyed her, it was always once in a while. I had to accept she was with someone else, and it would just be best that I stayed away from her, and to other guys out there, I’m sure you know difficult this step is. I had to realize she probably wasn’t into me, and that she loved the guy I least thought was worth her time. I don’t hate her, I never did. It’s unsettling to see pictures of the two together with hearts and kisses everywhere, I felt that place was supposed to be mine.

From being the mysterious girl who would stare at me in class in high school to the same girl who relatively played with me and left me with her poisonous memories in my head, it still amazes me how strange, unique, and complicated this story really has been. The last conversation between us reads as 7 weeks ago, and I’m doing my best to let go, I feel it’s what she would want, and what I feel I need. It’s been hard, and she doesn’t even check my snaps anymore, and I don’t open her snaps, with her boyfriend, together. Some things I wonder are whether I did something wrong, or if I destroyed something myself which was slowly growing. I truly feel that love is both magical and dangerous, it makes you see illusions, things that are never there. A quick moment of awe and amazement, only to be led by pain and lead you to be broken. I truly felt like she was the one, the only one, the first one. I’m planning on never talking to her again unless, she somehow ends of messaging me, though extremely unlikely. I’m curious to see how long her relationship lasts, and as of now, it’s probably have lasted about 5-7 months now. I don’t expect to ever remember me, and I don’t expect myself to fall for her again, only to put myself into that dangerous game once again.

It’s to the point where I love and I hate her, and I wish I could somehow erase every memory I have of her, but I know it’ll never happen, and the side effects of her love will continue to haunt me. How long? I don’t know, but I'm praying it’ll be over soon.

Like someone once said, it’s best to completely stay away from someone like this, and I’m also trying my best. Instead, I’m focusing more on myself. I have always been a bright student, and my college transcript looks phenomenal. I’m focusing on my family, personal improvements, and constantly making myself better in every way possible, like I always have but now even more strengthened. I apologize if this story of mine has been too long, but I thank anyone who will take their time to read this. I now realize that love is a drug, it will only do more harm than the good you may think it could bring with it. I want to thank everyone involved in this experience I’ve had, as I try to forget everything about her. Maybe one day we’ll meet again, although I don’t look forward to it, I'm sure as hell it’ll be an interesting moment...Thank you.

Tags: Broken, Sad, Hope, Hate, Love
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