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Why?

Kenley

15 Feb, 2018 02:50 AM

I had a crush. It happen this year. I'm in 6th grade-aka first year in middle school. His name Michael. I called him Kevin because that was his middle name. We are in the same class.
I beat up boys. He was the most common one. I beat up most of them because I was stronger than them.
One day for some reason I started having feelings for him. I don't know why. My friends would make fun of me. Nobody liked him because he had bags under his eyes. But it all changed when he got glasses. He looked a lot cuter. Or my friends called him A Dad.
One day after school everyone was waiting for their bus to be called. My friends started to talk about how I liked him. He was their too. I told them I didn't. They thought I did. They talked about me in high school asking him out. Then the worst thing happen. He told me straight up in my face he didn't like me. I tore apart.

I wanted to run to the bathroom and cry my heart out but I didn't . We ride the same bus. The next couple of weeks I didn't talk to him. I felt dead.

One day our teacher was trying to get Anna kicked out of our class. She always talked. Kevin liked her. He told me.
That hurt worst. She blamed herself talking on him. She was embarrassed of her ADHD. Who would do that.
Still today we're in 6th grade. He calls me bad names like fagget, fat, slut and a man.
But I have one question. Why? Why do I still like him? Anna blamed it on him? How does he like her still?
I promise myself to stand up for him. I don't know why. I'll never know. Will he ever love me? Probably not. Because I'm fat. No boy will understand the pain he caused me.
I never wanted to get married or have children when I got older. They would ruin my career.

My brother told me not to get a boyfriend. I see why. I started feeling depressed. I started listening to sad music. It made me cry. My stomach would hurt. It wouldn't stop either. Today I'm better and still like him. But he doesn't like me. Why? Why not? Where's my true love? Will I have one. -kenley

Tags: Hurt
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Stephanie says:
29 Mar, 2018 01:23 PM

Kenley. It's ok. You will be ok. I know now it seems as you're world is falling apart and you feel so down on yourself. You need to embrace yourself first. Find joy in yourself. Focus on something positive. Try something new. Help someone. Find beauty in your mistakes and yourself. You are surely a wonderful girl. One day. Never sell yourself short and you have a whole many years ahead (teens and twenties)You have many wonderful years ahead and I know it's not easy in school being young and having a crush reject you.

I was in 5th grade and wrote a note asking a boy out(20 years ago). He was popular and cute and I was skinny and awkward with big ugly glasses and I was a bookworm. I mustered up my courage and asked him in a note. I was shy but not afraid to take a chance. Happened to be that he tried to keep the note private and let me down nicely. But his friend who was a mean girl, took it and laughed and made a mockery of me in school. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I had no choice but to face it. It was so uncomfortable. My stomach hurt my head hurt. Girls and boys were laughing. And teasing me. It lasted a while. Yet finally it ended. I hated myself and didn't understand why nobody liked me. I wished that I would just disappear. How come everyone made fun of me And liked her. She was mean not attractive (still not to this day), parents had lots of money, she was always making fun of me and my friends-just always had the nicer things. Well now I'm all grown up and I'm happy. I love myself. I feel beautiful. Please be positive. I wish I had known that back then. To try to love myself. And to always take chances. Sometimes it's going to hurt. But now if I were you (not any professional advice). I would focus on a hobby, something. Positive, helping others. Finding a positive outlet. Writing in a journal. Keep it safe tucked away at home. I wish you the best of luck in your school years and hope you find that beauty (you know it's there) in yourself and accept it!

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lyndsey says:
01 Apr, 2018 07:17 AM

ik how you feel and its get better if he can see how you are on the inside he not worth it i dont know you but you deserve better

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Fiona Louis says:
12 Apr, 2018 03:22 PM

I know how you feel Kenley, I’m in 9 th grade and I have just been dumped by the guy who I thought would finally help all the hurt in my life. But then I found out that everything we had been through was fake.... he ... dumped me for this chick he has apparently “ loved “ since they we in like 2nd grade and I am already broken. I thought if I gave him the little bit of my heart I had left,he would stay... but no he watched my face as he shattered it to pieces..... I texted my mom and she said it was probably for the best but ..... it still hurts

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