Forget me not....04 Nov, 2017 07:29 AM
"Hi dear, how are you Melanie I can't deliver everything that we talked I can't make this work. I try not getting any better. I am not want to waste more of your time. You are a wonderful person Sofia. you will find a better person than myself I know and also I am sick. I wish good luck. You will be in my heart always. "
How will you answer a letter like this? How will you suppose to answer of something you feel that it's not him but its his depression talking.
I met Joe in one of the paid dating app. The dating app was exclusively for Catholic people who wants to meet their love one with same religion. I met him in time that I was not looking for love. Silly saying, but I lift all to God and wait for what he want to give me. I was brokenhearted for many times and been through a lot. All these I keep to myself and few people only knows. since it was a paid app, I need to pay the registration fee before I can send a message and wait 1 week before I read I can read a message from someone who mailed me, all I can only do is to send icons and emoticons to show that I am interested. I see Joe profile and send a smiley the first time I sign up. He looks very silent and he looks very different. I got interested in him. I don't know what is in him why I got interested. After few days he replied me a letter but I cannot read it and have to wait for 1 week before I can open. We go on like that for a month, I am still unsure if I will sign up and pay for the membership or not until one day he send another message saying that ' I can't stop thinking about you, here is my email address.....' OH my gosh, I feel like this is destiny. So I just waited a little more time and then I write him on email. It was a good start. We start communicating through messenger and messaging applications. We are living miles away and he decided to met me in person. We start communicating in November and by February he booked a ticket and met me in person.
I can't contain my feelings while I'm at the airport waiting for him. What if he did not come? What if he doesn't like me? so many what if's and I am so nervous. After few minutes someone call me on my cellphone, its the airport personnel saying that JOe is there, asking him to call me to say he was there. I got more nervous. It feels like theres a lot of butterfly in my stomach. Another call from someone and there he is standing few meters away from me. I was stun. I don't know what I should do , then I have to come to him and say hello. He replied me back with a kiss at my cheek. It was totally overwhelmed and I cannot contain my feelings. My friends came and we break the ice , we tried to be casual since we are always chatting and video calling. He stay at my country for 2 weeks , met my family and friends and we decided to get married at his country. We are very happy and so in-love. I made him happy I know that, we are very happy and its very sad when he is about to live my country. He even said that if he can only put me in his luggage he will do it and make me invisible to bring me to where he will go. It was very sweet. It was a tearful separation for us since we used to be with each other for 2 weeks. I am very blessed knowing him especially after he gave me the prayer book that her mother gave him before he visits me. I almost cried, I remember what I asked with GOd. "Send me the one who is destined to be my forever love. the one that you want me to have, just remind me something if He is the one If he can give me something that will symbolize you oh Lord" this is the exact prayer that I have said with GOd and so I was totally shock when he gave me the prayer book. I love him more after I found out that he is the one that God sent me.
He goes back to his country and back to his daily life. HE is living with his mother since he was young and his mother started to get jealous at me. Joe was very excited to see me everyday, talk to me and he did not realize that he is ignoring his mother most of the time. His mother started to be mad at me and get worst day by day. She tried to look for problems to break our relationship. We are struggling to get her approval. Joe loves his mother very much and he never want to hurt her feelings. She even emotionally blackmailed her son and locked all the devices he is using to communicate with me. We tried to be patient and understand her. We lessen the communication, from Chats and Videocall , we communicate in emails. We do this for months , until Joe used to it. He communicate rarely, from 2 days, to weeks. until totally he never communicate for months. His mother has his tablet and read all our messages. She tried to make a problems for us to break and even tell me that I am not good for her son. I understand her and tried to be patient but then sometimes she is telling me a lot of things which I cannot accept so I have to defend myself. Most of the time I am talking with Joe's mother and not Joe. He stop to communicate. He used to it. He just said that he is very sad. He is in deep depression. He feels that he will die soon. Like that. It was very painful thinking how beautiful our love story at the beginning and what we have now. He never told me what is happening, he keeps it to himself and never want to share a problem with me. He opens facebook and get jealous . He started to think negatively. He seems to be not interested anymore. He said he was sick, until I found out that maybe he has depression. He is very silent and never talked about his problems. It was very hard. I need to be strong for him , for our relationship. I want to save our relationship because I know in my heart that he is the only one I want to be in my life. I still believe that he is the one that GOd has sent me. I'm trying to be strong and pathetically still communicating to him even he is not replying to my message. I don't know what will happen to us. All I want to do right now is to fight for our love and don't accept the break up. He still love me but have to break up with me because he said he can't work it out. This is a very sad story. I really tried to be strong and pretend that everything is okay but still when I am alone I started to be lonely and think negatively. But I have to do it.