Lesson learnt03 Aug, 2016 11:00 AM
A lesson learnt-
It was a very nice afternoon. We all were on a picnic and enjoying. Suddenly a couple joined us with their 2 year old son and a newly born girl. I was stunned. It was love at first sight. The lady, Neha, was mesmerizing. I fell in love with her that moment. I still remember even after 5 years that she had a red top. It was not that she was beautiful. In fact she was not even close to be beautiful. But there was something about her which just made me be in the moment and loose the moment at the same time.
Few days went by. Though I could not take her off my mind, I thought it just will pass off.
Turned out to be not so.
A common friend invited both of our families at party. That couldn't be a coincidence! They became family friends. Things moved on. I felt attracted to Neha.
We didn't used to talk. It was mostly a welcome and good bye. One day Neha messaged me. Something casual. That was the start. Casual messages went to long chats. And one day I told her that I have fallen for her. She was not surprised. Chats changed to calls. Long calls. Expectations were built. I wanted to see her. She was not keen initially. She said - "wait".
One afternoon, received a message- "going to Indian store". I don't know why but I just told excused my wife to go to Indian store. I saw her there, smiling. After checking out, we went to her car and sat there, just talking. We held hands. I could still feel her. When she said she had to go, I went close to her and kissed her. She smiled. That was another Begining.
Her husband and I used to play tennis. When he to came to play she messaged to if I can swing by. I was waiting too. I grabbed the moment. I excused from the tennis and went to see her. I knocked on the door. She was all alone expecting me. I stepped in not knowing what I am doing here. I looked at her. She looked beautiful. A smiling face. I smiled back and stood there. I guess I had never been into that situation. She came close and held my hand. I couldn't hold on to myself and hugged her. We both were too deeply into each other. She turned around. I held her from the back. Smelling and feeling her hair. My hands around her waist, and moving up on top. I kissed her neck. She felt it and held my hands. My kisses went on and her face moved towards me giving me access to her lips. I kissed them. We held on that moment. My hands went up her breasts and explored them. Her grip was getting tighter. In minutes we were on her sofa exploring each other. I was loving kissing her lips, eyes, neck and above all having her so close. It all broke with a call from her husband. I had to leave.
We chatted a lot that night. Chats turned into sex chats and about love making. We both used to go to bed by early mornings.
Sometime in the week she came over to the apartment community we used to stay in. I had just came back from office. Her daughter came to me. I loved her daughter and felt her to be mine too. Her daughter wanted to go with me. I took her along to my apartment and gave her fruits in living room while changing myself in bedroom. I was about to leave apartment with her just when Neha arrived. I opened the door. She was smiling. I was surprised. She came in and said she was not sure if I will be able to handle her daughter. But that was an excuse. She looked at me and smiled. Next moment we were hugging. Kisses. Hands all over her. I didn't want her daughter to see anything so took Neha to bedroom. We were into each other. Lust and love were on peak. Just them her daughter called. We all went back to playground.
Every time all of us family friends used to meet, Neha and I used to get closer. We were talking with eyes. I was affectionate towards her. People had to notice that. One of her friends even raised this with her and was sure that something fishy is between me and Neha. Neha flatly denied that to her friend and even convinced her husband . I should have taken a hint that time of what is coming along.
I was in love. I was emotional. I was attached. She was too. Probably More than I was. All this went on, we used to meet wherever we could. Train parking, library, parks, home , grocery stores. Every where.
you can love people but cannot live two lives long. I loved my wife more. I was cheating her. I wanted to tell her about all this. But Neha stopped my. I am still not sure today if I would have had the courage to tell my wife but I wanted to. It was already late.
I was getting crushed between Nehas expectations and my wishes. I had to make a choice. Since I didn't, life made one decision for me.
My betrayal came back to me. Neha and I didn't speak for a month when I was away in India. When I came back Neha was changed. I went to depression. I couldn't work, think l, drive, study, talk. I felt lifeless. She was also helpless. She said she does not feel anything for me. I was unable to take that.
I tried to hold myself but was unable. The more I tried to get to her the further she went away. I had to go through that time. I was all broken. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I still respected and loved her.
She went on with her life. Better than before. I was happy for that. I wanted all of us to be friends still. But that was not to happen. She couldn't get along with my wife. May be it was me. I tried harder. That made things worse. I had to make the call. And I decided to leave Neha with her friends.
But again, my pain was not so easy to go away. Neha got closer to one of my earlier friends. I suspected something because I knew Neha. Everyday I knew something was wrong. Neha never told me. Eventually I got to know that Neha got pregnant with that person. That broke me. I was paying heavily for my mistake. That was the end of everything. I told my wife everything. If I has to die I wanted her to know everything I did bad to her. I never told my wife but I loved her most.
Neha was great and she taught me many things in life. Love, care, friendships. But she will be in my past now, remembered as a lesson. Choose your friends wisely and stick to them as friends. There is no better relation than friendship. Commit to be faithful to yourself and whoever looks upto you.
I wish I could change that one thing in my life and get back her as friend. But life is not so. I am sure there will be many more people I will meet in life who will make good friends
Thank you life.