You became a stranger to me20 Nov, 2017 11:34 AM
It was a rainy day and I was in school. I wanted to give up on everything. People would see me as a popular kind of girl. But to be true I had no one to call my friend. There were nights where I wanted to drift into a never ending sleep. I had no one.
I was walking down the stairs and saw a guy. He had brown hair, tall and had grey eyes. But there was this sparkle in his grey eyes. It wasn't full of life but it didn't seem dead. I wanted to know what he was thinking. There was something about him that made me so curious. So I talked to him. He understood me.
He stopped my thoughts of dying. He made me feel needed, loved and happy. So I wanted to be honest. I told him about my therapy sessions. I told him that my father left me, I told him about everyone that left me. And he accepted me with open arms. I was so happy. I was looking at the sunrise and thought about him. It made me so happy. I felt the tears in my eyes. And for the first time in a long time I felt it again.
I felt this warmth flowing through my chest. The coldness in me was gone. And everyday I smiled more and more. I started trusting people. I started being confident. He would hold me close and everything would be okay. The whole world will stop and for a moment I could forget everything. Everyone noticed how my eyes were being filled with life.
But suddenly I felt him distancing himself from me. A single "goodmorning" made my day. And I feel so stupid. How could I depend on him? I can't go through a day without talking to him. He was the little light in my darkness. He stopped talking to me. Maybe to him it is a small deal but for me it isn't. He promised me that he would stay.. That he would be there to wipe my tears away and kiss my pain away.
This is for you Tyler...
With every kiss you slowly let the insecurity in me fade away. With every smile you made me realize that for the first time I was good enough. You made me believe that the world was a beautiful place. You made me believe that maybe things would work out.. Maybe things would get better. Maybe things would be easier. Maybe I could be fixed.
You promised me the world.
It hurts seeing the blankets we laid under, the movies we used to watch, the songs we used to sang, the smiles we used to give. It hurts knowing that I cannot go back to that moment.
But in such a short time you had enough of me. I don't know what I have done for you to leave me. Please tell me so I could change... Cause everyday it is getting harder to stay strong. But maybe it was just because I wasn't good enough for you.
Did you just wanted to use me? You knew how others used, humiliated and left me. You said you wouldn't let me feel like them.. You said you were there to be the good thing in my life. How could you forget how weak I am? How could you forget how easily I get attached to people? I told you honestly that I was attached to you. You told me you wanted me to get attached to you cause you wouldn't leave or hurt me. But still... You did this.
I can fake a smile, I can pretend to be okay, I can do it all. But please don't expect me to be perfect.. Cause I am only human.
I still see you everyday. The only difference is that we are strangers now...