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Because of him

destiny peavy

23 Aug, 2017 12:03 AM

I know no one will probably read what I have to say because it’s a lot.. But, I just had to get this out of me I can't take it in anymore. Alright here it goes. It happened on February 11, 2014. We were shy we didn't talk much I know but we would look up and smile at each other no matter how wrong our day went. We were in love. I could tell by the way we looked at each other.

To this day I still feel bad that I did it that I didn't tell or show or be honest with you why I did it I guess I was just too afraid to see how you would react. You told me you were afraid of losing me and I was afraid of losing you. Later on in our relationship we had started to drift away I got depressed and didn't know what to do how to tell you. So I just took faith in a blade that would end all my worries and sadness I never wanted to tell you! I never wanted to hurt you! But, it wasn't my fault you saw I tried my best to hide it from you.

He saw my arm and started to cry it was bleeding still and the cuts were barely healing. I'm sorry I was depressed I had cut. I still remember when you finished crying you had wiped your tears away and kissed my scars it felt good that you had cared.

But, where had that gone now I stopped for you. Then, you left me and said I can't be with someone like you. Someone who self harmed.... That made me feel worse I cried and did it more this time deeper than before I wanted to die because what you had said behind my back. Your friends told me what you really thought of me that hurt me more I could feel my heart sink into my chest and I could hear it thumping in my ears and I just felt cold and empty after all that I had heard.

So I had felt terrible I don't know what came over me but I couldn't eat or sleep I couldn't breath my heart beated so fast I thought it would explode I went to the hospital I was there for a while. Did you care? Did you know I was there? I think not .

I had finally received and went back to school. Where this boy came up to me and said he loved me and asked me out I gladly said yes and couple of weeks later he called me and said I'm sorry but I don't even like you .

It was a dare a bet to get with you just because your ex said I wouldn't do it. I cried myself to sleep every night cause I felt worthless no one cared nor noticed . It hasn't gotten better ever since you left I don't know what to do anymore just lay down and cry myself to sleep every night. I miss you but you don't miss me. All I can do is ask myself Why me.? I didn't mean to harm myself I just felt you didn't care anymore so I wanted to disappear. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm done with love and life I want to kill myself.

Tags: Unloved, Crying
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Celicity says:
17 Oct, 2017 03:41 AM

Never ever! I'm not one to say I believe cutting is good, or correct in any manner! But I believe every single person! Every soul should have a chance to love! Love. Keeps you going. And yes! It is VERY hard. And it drives you crazy. But the fact that you have anyone. Even one person that loves you and respects you should keep you going. No matter what don't kill your self. Don't hurt like that. Please..

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David watson says:
18 Oct, 2017 04:09 AM

We have all been through heartbreaks, and it hurts. The thing is love is not source of happiness. Love is finding a team mate who can help you to grow in life. Love can never and will never be a source of happiness as they show in movies.....

Life will be good. Don't depend on someone for love, love yourself and your life.... And stop caring about what others think..

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