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My life

DarkMoon

07 Jun, 2017 07:12 AM

Okay! I'm here to tell all the truth about my life cause yeah why not sometimes we just have to say what we feel, expressing our emotions. Some people do it with music,others rite in they're notebooks,or there is lucky people who talk to they're best friend and get help and support, but people like me.. or probably you dear reader. People like us who doesn't show what they feel and sometimes go into selfharming.. But tell to yourself that even these lucky people with a good friend,when they tell a story they always change some points to make it better.. Anyway I choose this way to express myself.

Let's beginning by the fact that I got a bad relation with my dad,even if I was young I understood that he just wanted to play but I wasn't enjoying his game and at the and of every game I was crying and he was screaming at me because of this,is it right or wrong to be mad against someone crying because of you cause you hurt this someone?

Anyway,I was 7 or 8 years old when I start getting bullied,I clearly remember one day,the birthday of a girl who was one of the people who was bullying me,she convinced everyone to stop talking to me and do not be my friend.. what about a cute and nice girl. But it did not bother me, I wasn't care cause I was fine alone or with friends,and she clearly see it so she came with everyone,I was drawing ,and she took the paper laughed at it,tore it and threw it at me.. and it didn't stop for 7years or my life I get bullyied. I get into depression but not to much it wasn't so bad..not yet.

I moved to another city and another school,I got some friends and I wasn't so depressed I got some health problems for a time I was often taken to the emergency because of my suicide attempt my parents never knew that I was so sick because of all those pills that I took. After this period I was fine a friend,let's call him Dan cause he will reappear after,He often took me to the movies,he was a really good friend, after a good period, cames the bad one.. Some people began to spread false rumors about me Very quickly I became a target of mockery and insults. But I Was Fine. Then our dear Dan reappeared and tell me that it will helps me to go out and he took me to the movie..in the room There were not many people,during the film he took my hand,then he start just came closer and stay by my side I thought it was to comfort me.. but I was Totally Wrong! I start crying because the film makes me think about the shit that happens in the last days,so he just took my face and he kissed me,I was confused I didn't understand why? But I did not have the strength to push him away, but then he put one of his hands on my thigh then I started to realize what was happening he start touching my chest and I was totally afraid I was telling him to stop while trying to defend me, but I wasn't strong enough he directed his hand between my legs and I was crying and trying,then I don't know why he just stopped by himself and tells me that he was sorry I was so afraid I took my stuff and left the room,entre in the bathroom and at this moment start crying so hard I did my first <<crisis>>,I perfectly remember all the scene and how I throw my green back pack,I came back home never tell this again to no one else. So let me tell you what's the <<crisis>> basically is like.. it starts when I start crying for no reason and start saying to myself that I don't want to stay alive.. that I wish I never get born, Then I start remembering the people who were bullying me and how they treat me I start remembering how my father treat me and start thinking a bout the movie.. and it get worst and that's what make me start selfharming.. I get really into depression and past a soo bad year.. One day I felt ready to end it all I filled a bath and enter with all my clothes,I was into a <<crisis>> I took a little blade and I was ready really but I start crying so hard and I just did 2 cuts..after that depression was so present in my life.In the same period I lost my bestfriend.. then I moved again and changed school..but in the new school exept have met really good friends I met someone who changed my life He helped me overcome my depression and my problems, were now together and even if sometimes depression reaper she doesn't stay too long and disappear just like she reappeared, I don't know if that's just a really really good period or not, but I hope it will stay.cause.. I Am Fine.

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No one says:
27 Jul, 2017 03:21 AM

I know this is pretty basic but I am sorry you went throuhh this. You obviously seem like a great person who doesn't deserve this. I would tell you to keep having home but I won't because hope is for people who aren't strong enough but you are. Look you went through this but you are still alive. Remember depression isn't like a common cold, you can't treat it quickly but you can hold on. I went through something similar and I am still alive and even though I don't know you I read your story and it would hurt to know someone like you becomes a lost one. My friend died recently please don't be another number to add up to the suicide rates because trust me from experience suicide is a coward move. I liked your story and I know everything will be better.

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Nafea says:
03 Aug, 2017 11:16 AM

your story make me feel the old days I lived , it was bad days make me suffering in my home , my school , and even in my personality I t make me weak , it make me think about kill myself more and more per day even I tried so many times to suicide so many times but I stop at last moment , it make me heat my live so much , I become depressed , anxious , panic all the time , until I reached one point that change my live for ever and that point is : don't care , just ignore everything around u don't give a shit about anything , I stayed in this case about 2 year , I changed to much in my personality and my live become better not (all the time) but my life become more better even I don't have a lot of friends I convinced in what I do .
when I hear ur story , my eyes suddenly full of tears + my heart become faster and my mood change from normal to bad mood , I remember all bad things that happen to me and I don't anyone to lived like that so cuz that I tears so much , if I was with u in school , I will protect u what ever happen , I will not let anyone touch u and if anyone bullied u while im near I will punch his face so hard that cant move his face .
that's it I tell u every thing I want to say and I hope u live a nice and long live :)

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Sara says:
06 Aug, 2017 04:47 PM

You know what. I had something sort of the same thing. I am suicidal and have depression, I tried using a razor but it's extremely painful so I use scissors because it's less painful.. The other day my best friend asked me for nudes and wanted us to have sex.. I didn't want to but I was scared to say no because I thought that our friendship would be ruined. He likes thick girls, he's just using me for my body.. and worst of all he's about to have a girlfriend and he wanted me to send NUDES and have sex. He's a terrible guy. I hate him but don't want to tell him, I love him as a friend and I don't wanna lose him but I hate him for what he did to me..

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moby says:
07 Aug, 2017 11:26 PM

Waaaw i just can't find the word it's thts made me crying

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lily says:
11 Aug, 2017 02:22 AM

ive tried to forget about all the people who have hurt me for the past years but it keeps getting worse first i was depressed and i still am till this day but whats worst than tht is not being able to eat i have anorexia and if i talk to someone they dont do shit i self harm as well and i feel like if i died everything will stop hurting

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Luna says:
11 Aug, 2017 04:51 AM

I Loved It

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Anon says:
17 Aug, 2017 09:42 PM

So the point is, r ya gay?

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Cherry says:
04 Sep, 2017 03:36 AM

Reminds me of my old life. Im sorry about all this but u can talk to me if u need someone to talk to ... there are people who cares and loves us somewhere in this world so believe in that.

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