The Truth11 Jan, 2016 11:03 PM
"Can I ask you a question?" she asked me with a soft yet sad voice. I responded with nothing in mind. She could.We were in the back of a car; going home from dance rehearsal for an event that was supposed to be held on New Year's Eve. My mind was in another place when she decided to let the tender voice spoken. "Yeah?" I said. "I'm confused. I really like a guy. But I don't dare to like him." she replied. I only turned to her when she hit the sentence about liking a guy. I asked more about it as if I really cared. I cared. But not really. "I like him but I don't dare to because of my best friend." I looked at her without any words but with the eyes of curiousness and cares. Again, as if I cared. "He badly broke her heart. And I don't know if I should accept him or not. She told me not to like him." she finally let go. She wasn't even looking at me in the eyes although I stared at her directly in the eyes. " It is not wrong to like a guy. Your friend or whoever has no right to stop you from falling in love. But if you care too much about your friend's feelings or thoughts, then you shouldn't like him. I would encourage you to fall in love. Love is a beautiful thing. Angela, if you are afraid of her feelings, then you will lose him. If you lose him, you might lose the chance to ever have him. But she won't leave you. Your best friend won't hate you or break up with you for a guy. That's the thing about friendship. It's deep. It has layers." I sounded like a total relationship expert. She smiled. And she turned away.
Angela and I have been together for more than a year. We became friends unknowingly through our interests in dancing and music. I shared most of my relationships problems with her. Maybe, I shared too much. She wasn't the best of the best friend. She was a friend of mine that I basically do everything with. I have my other three best of the best friends. I told her about everything. I told her about him. Him. Him. Vincent. And the Tears. All the Tears. And the pains.
I fell in love with Vicent second week of our school's spring break. He was the sweetest. He played guitars at my church and he was everything. His hair, his lips, his voice, and his kindness drove me to the edge, and I fell down. It was a crush. One sided CRUSH. Everyone knew about my feelings except himself. I would cry myself to sleep because the thought of him not loving me back feared me. He was the reason I was afraid to be alone. I needed him. I loved him. But then, there was, even more, pain.
I was madly in love with him for two and a half years. One-sided Love. It felt good, falling in love. However, it was more painful to be in love with someone who doesn't even give you one look. I had to confess my incomplete feelings to him. I carelessly typed two paragraphs long of texts and sent him. I was filled with confidence. Not the confidence like I would be dating him. But more like, It's okay to be rejected. I closed all my internet window tabs and shut myself from the world. I made up my mind to never see him, call him, eyed him, walk beside him, or being in the same room with him. I was in a mood to decide for my whole future without him. But then, there was a ding sound effect on my phone. Phone, my phone. I forgot to turn it off. If I didn't want to communicate with the world, my phones should have been the first time one being killed. Failed. I didn't dare to look at the ultimate bright screen of mine. It was too bright at nights, especially that night. I usually couldn't actually see the screen without the lights. But it was too bright at that moment. I wished I could have a special ability or something. I would have turn off the phone. The phone rang twice. Twice. Not once, but twice. I grabbed the phone and peeked at the screen. I had to change the brightness of it. I did. I wish I didn't. It was from a name called Vincent. The name had all the emojis and hearts. Only the name because I put it. I opened the phone and started reading the texts I received from him. Times seemed too slow. The words were staring appear big and smeared like the screen was watered. But, it wasn't the screen. It was the eyes that were watching the screen. I felt a gentle waterfall on my cheek. That was when I realized tears decided to make a comeback without permissions. And then there was another waterfall, only it was more of a mess waterfall. I felt my whole body freezing. I was rejected. What's more painful is that the way he put his words seemed so sweet and so tender that I wanted more.
We arrived at my house after a long, ten minutes ride. Angela was still looking at the front mirror as if she was ready to become traffic police. I grabbed my stuff and said goodbyes like the normals days. I looked back and I waved. I waited till they would reverse the reddish-brown colored car, and slowly drive away from my driveway. I knocked and entered my house. I locked my room as soon as I went in. I dropped my stuff and laid my back against the wall beside the closet. The atmosphere of the room immediately took me back to the time Vincent turned his back on me. I remembered crying the whole night. I remembered dying. I remembered hurting. But it was all over. I reminded myself it's all over. Everything is okay now.
The sound of the ceiling fan going crazy, the sound of my breathing, and tears falling down my cheeks made me realized how pathetic I was. I totally understood what Angela was saying. It was about me. I was the best friend. And Vincent is the guy. I knew. I said those words from my true heart, yet I felt guilty and empty. For once, I thought what does she has that Vincent falls for. All of that don't matter anything. I became the one backing away again. She hasn't realized I found out about them. But Vincent knew. The Phone rang and it was from Vincent. He knew about the way I pretended to love someone else in front of Angela. I talked about someone else and how I happy I was. So, she would accept Vincent. "Hello?" I said. "Elly?", he said with the voice with such tenderness into it. "Nevermind" he later continued. I knew what he was trying to say. He felt guilty about me, us. He felt guilty about falling for Angela. But it didn't matter. There was nothing for me anyway. The path had been closed. And there I was, holding on the phone, without saying a word. I hung up. And then I laughed. I couldn't wait for the night to end. I never want to come back to tonight again.