Business Affairs06 Sep, 2014 07:36 AM
It is one of the most difficult and complicated and wonderful mistakes of my life: having an affair with your "boss" at work. A married man of whom I work with and is in a position of authority. Why would I even make an effort with someone like that? A beautiful wife and two adorable children. Not to mention his wife is the niece of the owner of the establishment! Como Loca!
But of course when I begin working anywhere I find that one person to become my victim of "entertainment" at work. I saw him a few days into working at my new job and immediately knew I wanted to talk to him. At the time I was unaware of his personal life when I asked for his number just in case I ever needed anything work related. But I later found out by my own mother that he was married with kids because she has seen him at one of the owners get together's with friends and family.
That should have stopped me, but I believe it led me to accept the challenge and see if I could get what I wanted. And they always warn you to be careful what you wish for, but when I'm set on something I go for it no matter the circumstances or consequences.
It only started with a few texts here and there about work. And then I recall one day after we were closing, I had gone up to him while he was sitting in a booth and asked if he would care to drink with me sometime. Of course he looked at me like I was crazy but responded differently than I expected. Instead of him asking if I knew he was a married man he simply asked where would we drink. I invited him to come with a few other co workers to grab a drink but he was reluctant because he didn't want anyone to start talking. But he agreed to come to my place after he was done closing the store and I was done with drinks.
First mistake was asking to drink in the first place. The second mistake was allowing him to come to my house. Because we drank a beer and then he asked me why I really invited him over. My intentions were nothing innocent and he knew that too. It always starts with a kiss and led to much more...
I wasn't sure what to make out from what had happened that night. And so thinking nothing of it I invite him over yet again and he accepts the offer once he has closed the store. And this continues to happen for about a week. Even on my birthday, he came over and we made very passionate love to one another and it was so easy to get used to him and be comfortable. But as the week passes on he comes over one night after work with a face of despair and words I did not want to hear but I knew were true. As I laid on the couch, he came up to me and said that he can not do this anymore. That is was wrong and it would be better if we ended it sooner rather than later... He kisses my forehead, turned around and headed toward the door. I'm not gonna lie, I laid there and cried for awhile and I wasn't sure why someone who was only a part time lover could make me cry this way.
I couldn't let "us" go. He was extremely rude to me the next day we worked together and I resented this. So much to the point where I stayed after work when everyone else left and made him talk to me. But like any other time, talking led to kissing of which kissing turned into more. And we continued on with our affair.
No one at work knew about our secret. And I loved it. Passing him in the hall of work and our secret was screaming with each passing glance to one another. His smile was all I needed to be happy at work. His laugh is what got me through a rough day. His cologne drove me absolutely crazy. I would walk past him and almost faint from how attracted I was to his scent. He would be the happiest giddiest man at work and everyone could tell but didn't know why. And the reason was me and to this day it makes me feel amazing that I could change someone's attitude just by my presence.
Each night after work, we would grab a drink together or two and just sit across from each other and talk the night away. We would have many late nights at work or sometimes he would come to my place and drink. And most nights did end up with us sleeping together. Until one night changed it all... He asked me if I loved him one night while we were lying in my bed and I didn't even hesitate to say yes. But he didn't immediately say it back, he waited until after he left my house and texted me. I was a little upset he told me over text until I noticed how everything changed. Regardless of the fact that he was married, he texted me every morning and every chance he had to tell me how much he loved me. For a man 10 years my senior, it was adorable and I couldn't do anything but grow more attached and fall more deeply for him.
And then I met his 2 year old son, and he grew on me too. He was so shy with anyone and didn't want to be held by anyone but his dad, and then one day he brought him to work and I called his name and held out my arms for him to come to me and he ran into my arms. All this happened in front of him and I think he fell more in love with me once he saw how I was with his son. He let me take him a few times to babysit and have play dates with my brother.
I'm not entirely sure where everything went wrong besides the obvious fact that it was an affair, but something changed or our true selves started to reveal themselves. He started showing his true colors... He became jealous over everything. He was upset with me if I gave a male co worker a ride home, he was mad if I shared a drink with another guy and he was furious when I hugged another guy. I guess my friendliness started bothering him. And our problems began there... He would be upset with me for something I did that I wouldn't see wrong and ignore me. I would have to nag what was bothering him out...
Then a new guy was hired around the same time that him and I got into one of our ridiculous moments and I wanted to hang out with him.. And so began the rumors at work that here I was hanging out with the new guy and he was furious. And the funny thing is, is that no one knew about our affair but only assumed something was going on. But when he decided to be mad at me, he really took it all out on me and went out of his way to not speak to me and if I ever needed anything work related he would tell me he was busy or ask someone else. He went from always being nice to me and helping me clean and doing whatever I wanted or asked to ignoring me. That's when all the rumors started up because his attitude change. And it bothered me but I tried to move on from it and maybe get over him and our affair.
About a month passed and the new guy decided that this job wasn't for him. And I will be honest that I had kissed him but never anything more. So when I tried making amends with my love, everything fell right back into place for about a few days. A few days of drinking and talking and love. But then one night he asks me about all the rumors he heard and I told him the truth. But as soon as I told him he let go of my hands and didn't want to hear anymore. He got up and asked me to leave... I cried on my way out because I thought that we would go back to the way we were...
I was upset because how unfair was it that he could be upset with me for a kiss when he is married with two kids! So I took out my anger and tried seeing other people. We still worked together but I made it so I didn't have to deal with him. I did sleep with someone else after a month of us "ending" us but it wasn't the same and I didn't sleep with anyone for a whole month afterwards. Instead I spent my nights going out and drinking.
Then one night I was at work on my day off drinking and looked at him for a split second and was reminded how much I loved him and how we used to be. So I texted him explaining that I couldn't move on and that it was because I didn't have any closure between us and if he wouldn't mind talking about it, which of course he agreed to. By this point into our story, his wife had found out about our affair and most people who worked with us knew either because I told them or rumor told them. But his wife didn't do anything about it... She knew about us but did nothing even when she came into work with her family.
We talked about everything and discussed all the rumors we both had heard to clear the air between us and I explained now unprofessional he acted towards me at work and he said it was the only way he could manage working with me. Because when I asked how is it that it was so easy to forget what we had he said it isn't easy at all for him, that he is reminded every day he sees me and it hurts him as much as it hurts me. So we enjoyed the rest of that night in each other's arms kissing and reminding ourselves what we had.
But nothing with us lasts forever. He asked me if I has slept with anyone else since him and once again I was honest... Because I can't lie to him. As soon as he asked that, he could tell the grip of my hand changed and the tears started to form as my eyes watered... I cried as I tried to explain myself how I waited for him to change his mind for over a month. This time he let me explain but he let go of my hand yet again and at this point I started crying. I told him I didn't want us to to back to hating each other at work... But instead he responded that he wasn't mad at me, but in fact he wanted me to find someone else. He said he was tired and wanted to go home so he asked me to leave and I cried the entire way home. I didn't want to leave things this way.
So a few weeks later I waited for him after work and we talked and drank a little. But it was different and I could feel it. As we got up to leave I went to give him a hug and as he pulled me back enough to look at me, he said that he wanted me to not love him anymore. His eyes started watering as he continued to tell me that he wasn't the right man for me and that he once loved me but not anymore... With that he ended with a kiss that I could feel was going to be our last. And at that moment I found closure.
It's still difficult at times at work because his smell, his smile and his intense stare still gets to me. All I have are the memories that made me smile of us. And at times I find myself jealous when he speaks to other woman we work with, but I am slowly moving on. It's never right to love a married man, but you can't always control who your heart decides to hold on to...