Hopefor Broken Hearted.02 May, 2014 01:21 PM
Since from childhood, I use to live alone, as loneliness was everything at that time for me. I always use to spend my spare time with my loneliness. I was deep bonded by my relations with my all nears and dears. My love for my family was infinite, especially to my brother and my uncle (chachu). But unfortunately I lost my uncle in accident almost 4 years ago on 20 April , 2010, after that incident I was all broken because he was my role model at that time even still. The influence of that very particular incident was that much Drastic that I lost myself completely and became addicted to alcohol and smoking. So that, I can destroy myself as I was not able to survive. On the other hand my elder brother was not with me while staying with me in a single room. Oh GOSH! I fell in bad habits day after day and one thing was most amazing for me at that time that even my elder bro didn’t ask me anything while knowing that m addicted to ………. Becoz he was busy all the time with his own friends and seriously he forget that …. Among all those there was his own younger bro there at home. This kind of his activity and behavior changed me and my moral values from that moment, & I became stone hearted day by day with the passage of time. After that nothing was my concern with my family and friends, because I don’t have any friends still and also not at that time. I was all alone.
Days passed , months passed, even years passed I didn’t change anymore, I use to live all alone within myself & don’t know when I became self hater , love meant nothing for me only pain and sorrows was in it , this was my thinking about love and relations. And with the passage of time I lost my everything , my all talent which was God gifted for me since birth, and that was so becoz nobody came to me, who could ask about me & myself . Everything was nothing for me , my love for my family was lost , nobody was there for me even my brother wasn’t there for me. He disappointed me on my each and every moment of life , and seriously I took all that on my heart and became emotionless, and use to live all alone and used to wept ova myself
At 15 oct 2012 , my life changed completely because, dear God send his beautiful gift for me in form of my beloved , who spent her time with me and helped me out of this mental un stability , she loved me a lot and helped me and also changed me . She again made me realize that RELATION & LOVE exists, so what if there is little pain and sorrow….??? I was unanswerable at that time because she made me realize everything practically….. hmmmmmm I said to myself (being an engineer I use to believe in practical rather than theoretical). Because of her I came to know about my responsibilities and duities , towards my family & love. Now as the days and nights are beautiful as she is with me , also there are certain ups and downs in our relationship, but deep inside she is complete for me and also my world .
I was highly thankful to GOD g …. For giving me such a beautiful and priceless gift ………….
But all of the sudden she changed within no days even though, she met with my parent's few days ago.O H GOD what was happening with me and what happening with me is totally drastic one. Because now several Question arises in my mind that , why she is behaving so akwardly. Even by my side i'am still the old one but deeply burning inside. BECAUSE from here i can guess , what she actually did with me and what was her thinking about me. She gave me so much love and care , but don't know why she loved me and cared about me. IF SHE wasn't in love with me then why she trapped me ..........!!! All these questions are running through my mind usually all time. ONCE there was the time she used to love me alot and cared me but this is the time , where she wants me to separate from her as now i am not deserving her . ALSO once she used to tell me that m her world and everything related to her bur Ahlas!!! her words were fake totally just material one ,,, which goes on changing day after day.
Once she used to ask me that m her best guy as , i'am having the capability of understanding everything related every topic , but now she use to ask me that you are not what i want in my GUY.
She cheated me ..... OH GOD! WHERE WAS MY FAULT. !!!!!
Now she again make me realized that relations and love both are nothing , just fake ones. She again put me there , from where she brought me out earlier years ago....... (lonliness) !!!