Speak Silently
CrystalWolfTear
29 Apr, 2014 11:21 PM
It seems like life always gets in the way. Restrictions lurk everywhere; life is not enjoyable.
I get hurt easily, I get disappointed easily. Life gets harder everyday. Even when I try to stand up, I fall back down knowing that I am weak and hurting. My feelings are indescribable, you could even say that my heart is literally ripped and torn; my scars are engraved with every second of my petty existence. I am isolate from the world and I am not planning to change that, I am dying yet I won't put up a fight... I am drowning in my misery, yet I won't struggle when I lack air.
Time seems to be moving quickly then fading, I am left in the past wishing for something impossible... Wishing for my past to be erased; yet the harder I wish for it the more I get hurt. It seems like there is too much that is wrong with me; all my flaws, imperfections, mistakes.... They just add to the mess I already am.
My social anxiety, eating disorders, depression and mild schizophrenia.. Should I carry on? My several attempts of the worst, my worthless fight with the blade, my blood seeping through my broken skin... My thoughts of never ending despair and pain. All these sum me up!
So who cares if I was nice or polite to my fellow classmates or those people that I see everyday. Life is just a mess, nothing good happens in it and yin yang doesn't exist to me, there is just bad; no good.
I fear myself, I hide my scars and my sorrow, constantly afraid of making that move. I want to leave yet I am a coward... Afraid of my own shadow. I long to die yet my fear overwhelms me; always stopping me from doing the right things.
I back away from rightfulness and deny the truth. I am a nobody, trapped in a body of a corpse, buried alive in my mind. Unable to get out from my dragged on nightmare, the dream which was invaded by devils and hell; fire slowly swallowing me up.
I am fed up, yet I know that being the worthless, useless and inhuman girl I am, I won't end my life, however the thought of my world turning to black , getting swallowed by darkness, my soul getting ripped into fragments.. Those thoughts consume me. They feast on my insanity, fear and blame. I begin to question myself if my life is real, but only my shattered heart can answer such question. My weakly-beating heart.
I have enough, too much school, social life, too much family time... I need to get out, before I fall into a dream that I cannot wake up from.
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Comments
Post a Comment11 May, 2014 05:52 AM
Somewhere out there is a place which is beautiful, somewhere out there are people who are angles. Believe not only in the afterlife heaven.
Believe that there is heaven in earth, and it is filled with magic.
Life only exists once, and so do you.
Saying "I'm sorry" or "don't do this" will not help, and I know that. I've been there, felt what you've felt.... But everyone is different, so I wouldn't say much.
Find your own comfort, find your own soul, and you will be free.
14 May, 2014 09:57 PM
aww i feel bad for you. but trust me i feel the same way, when your down never let them see you frown becuase out there is someone who will love to see you down. remember to try and to enjoy life as much as you can. :)
16 May, 2014 05:51 PM
KNOW ONE THING! GOD WILL NEVER LET ANYTHING BAD HAPPEN FOR A BAD REASON, SOME HOW SEE THE LIGHT BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN REALISE IT
25 May, 2014 11:50 PM
Listen , ok maybe you feel terrible , worthless , not important , but trust me . Things will get better . God has a plan for each and every one of us . Someone out there loves you for who you are! Despise all the imperfections , flaws , and mistakes that you make they will always think your are beautiful and perfect in every little way. It may not seem like it but someone out there loves you and will hate to see you go! My words may not phase you too much , but just consider them. God loves all of us and will take care of everything sweetie. I promise. Sincerely:anonymous
26 May, 2014 07:33 PM
Very touching words Anonymous Thank you so much. This has made me feel better despite all the feelings going through my mind right now. Nearly made me cry there, really spoke to me through this.
07 Jun, 2014 09:17 PM
It hurts doesn't it? You feel like a demon, you don't belong in this place, like if leaving was the solution. But remember, the devil once was an angel. You shouldn't let heavy words bring you down. When you think you just can't stay here anymore, don't give up, because if you give up now, then what you were fighting for? BE YOUR OWN HERO, that way you won't get disappointed, expect nothing from no one. We live alone, we die alone, everything else is just an illusion, have hope. You will make it through the storm.
08 Jun, 2014 07:58 AM
It truly hurts to find that those you love are not there to help you up when you fall. Its true 'the devil was once an angel'. This has made me feel a little better about my life, since we aren't perfect. Many land upon the broken, but many spread their wings and attempt to fly again.
I shall try to be my own hero, ignoring all those words that once pierced me. Seeing through those people who are trying to hurt me.
I hope to make it through the storm.
Thank you
28 Jul, 2014 11:11 PM
Be strong dear, God is in control
09 Aug, 2014 11:31 AM
I felt like I was the only one drowning in this pool of pain...why is this happening? Y_Y... I also wish for the impossible, to have my mother back, seeing her pass away from cancer, yes I know a lot of people have been through worse but GOD I miss her so much, screaming every night to I dont know what being strangled by depression! God theres only so much we can handle, theres only so much...
10 Aug, 2014 10:23 AM
U should try to be happy n move on with ur life dear
16 Oct, 2014 02:33 AM
she gone ya'll..
26 Oct, 2014 03:59 PM
Oh goddess. . . CrystalWolfTear
I really wanted to offer to give her my email so we could talk if she ever needed to talk about anything or just wanted a friend even if it may be a long distance thing.
26 Oct, 2014 05:18 PM
Oh goddess . . . CrystalWolfTear
that's so sad :'(