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The abandoned soul

Empty soul

01 Apr, 2013 08:40 AM

My heart aches and I am only a shell of a person. I set the appearance of being calm, cool, and collected, but I feel so lonely inside. I have no one. I am all alone on this earth. My "friends" do not care about me, they only want things from me.

When I was young, I used to be so happy and cheerful until my mother began to emotionally torment me. She beat me with wire hangers, extension cords, and wires. Of course, to her she was only " punishing me for misbehaving" but I knew she was only taking out her frustrations. To this day I will not forget the bruises she left me and the pain and torment that she caused me. Always calling me stupid and saying I would not amount to any hiring. Truth is, I forgive her because she is my mother..

A few years later, I have entered middle school. That is when my mothers rage finally began to calm down, but little did I know something far worse was coming. At the age of 12, two of my friends had committed suicide. I was left in ruins, and the audacity of my loved ones to just tell me to "get over it". It stung and felt like my heart had been torn from my chest, murdered in cold blood. Through that darkness a light shined. A very special girl, she listened to me and I did the same for her. Not because we felt like we owed to each other, but because we both truly cared for one another. I am glad she was there for she helped me through a lot. To this day I believe she is the reason I did not "opt out" of my life back then.

Years later this girl and I became very close and eventually became a couple. We lasted for a good while, about a year or two before we drifted apart. To this day the reason is because " life got in the way". I eventually acquired some friends but they were not true friends. Only talking to me when they needed something or wanted cigs. They never talked to me or listened or cared . They just felt like they owed me something which they didn't but I wish they had cared. I cannot shake this feeling of being alone.

I do not belong to any group or clic. I am all alone in this world. Very few family no friends. Being bullied and teased weighs heavily on my soul. I can't shake the feeling of depression and sorrow. Sometimes I wish I were dead, no one would miss me. Being alone in an abyss, walking trying to reach something, someone but this is only a concept and I know deep down I will never attain it. Feeling helpless and hopeless is my everyday routine. Stuck in a dead end job with a dim future is no help. I have no hope, and agony consumes..

So here is the story of a misguided boy. One that never found light at the end of the tunnel, only miles more of treacherous terrain. a boy who's fill with hatred. A boy who grew into a shell of a man. Left as rubble to fend for himself. A man that wishes he knew the warm embrace if a friend. One who will soon become nothing more than a fragment of time..

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Jenny says:
20 Aug, 2013 09:54 PM

I am unemployed been fortunate enough to find a friend who let's me stay in the basement free for now. It is the feeling of why I had to live this life of being an orphan...want to commit suicide but haven't and if I did, no one would care because I don't have FRIENDS friends. Got on the internet wanting to read stories of sad orphans....are there people like me out there inquiry. Out of the many stories I read, yours struck me the most because of the same feeling we have of wanting to commit suicide etc.

All comments say thank you for can do blah blah blah. I speak from the core of my heart. This life is so unfair when some have the happy loving family, love and support that you and I were completely denied of for reasons we had no fault in. I lost both of my parents in a deadly car accident at age 8 and been forced to live with relatives who abandoned, neglected and emotionally physically abused me and my sister day in and day out.

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Jenny says:
20 Aug, 2013 10:01 PM

Though those years of abuse and environment is over, its effect lives on with you I think for life if you let it. I am happy to have found this website and particularly your story. Think the best way for people like you and me is to share stories and support for its pain is massive and those with the good life just can't understand us.
I say if you give up today and commit suicide, you would have not been able to impact someone like me. That right there has to give you plenty of reason to make something out of your life. The only person who can guarantee you happiness in your life is you and only you. I will be your friend from hereon to monitor your success....

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shoapeng says:
24 Dec, 2013 08:17 AM

Stop trying so hard, Go find friends. If some dont work go find new ones, keep trying to you get it. Never Give up. Ive gone through some harsh things also. Keep at it and you will find the light

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Empty soul says:
14 Apr, 2014 02:07 AM

Thank you jenny if you ever check this, I am now in the U.S Army. Thank you for your support.

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nit says:
14 Mar, 2016 04:49 PM

i would like to contact you jenny please contact me if possible i can be your friend


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