Vote +19

To Late To Say Goodbye <|3

Kelly Gamboa:)

19 Nov, 2011 12:30 PM

Everyone always has that one best friend that you can't forget. They were always there for you. It's funny how they are all you think about after something tragic happened. You think of them one second and then you start bursting into tears and remembering all the memories. His name was Ryder. He was my best friend. We were suppose to be best friends forever and always. He was about ten when his family discovered that he had brain cancer or brain tumor I forgot, it's just to painful to think about it. As a family they did everything they can to help find a way to cure their son. They did a lot of things to help him. Eventually it went away, or so they thought they did. He got it back when he was fifteen. I met Ryder when I was thirteen. We hung out a lot even though he was home school and I just went to school. I didn't really like school cause it took time away from us being with each other. We were ALWAYS together. It was like two peas in a pod. You know that saying? Well I don't know how we became best friends but I don't regret it once. However I do regret what happened that one night. But you will figure that out later in the story. Years passed and we became really close. He was my best friend. I knew he had feelings for me, but I didn't see him that way. He was just a friend. Before I started to get to know him better, he always used to hurt himself. He'd cut himself, do drugs, do stupid things like jumping of the roof with his skateboard, which eventually he broke his leg. But when he met me, it's like it all suddenly stopped. He told me I was like his angel coming to guide him the right way. After two long years of friendship, the brain tumor took over again. He wasn't really at home much and we weren't able to be each other as much. I would visit him sometimes the days he was in the hospital bringing him balloons and a teddy bear. He was better to go home and we came close again with me taking care of him making sure he's alright before I leave his side.

One day we were in his room just talking about things in our life wondering will we still be friends when we get older. He said something to me, I forgot what it was, but it got me really pissed. I told him he could go to hell. To my one best friend. I told him so much things. The worst one was that I said I didn't want to see him anymore and he could die and I wouldn't care. Truth is I was just hurt. The last words I told him was I hated him. As soon as I said that I left and slammed the door and ran to my house crying. Days went by without us talking. It hurt deep inside. I wanted to go to his house and apologize but I just wasn't ready I needed time alone.
Then that one called changed my whole day. It was Ryder's sister that called me.

"Hello Kelly?"
"Yea who's this?"
"This is Janelle, Ryder's sister"
"Oh yea what's up?"
"Uhmm, I don't know how this would get to you, but Ryder passed away last night in the hospital. The brain tumor, it was just to much."
"Haha sure yea ok sure it did."
"What are you talking about I'm telling the truth?" I heard her starting to cry and I knew that she wasn't lying.
"No, NO! Please tell me your lying. Please tell me this can't happen to me! Please!" I started yelling in the phone. All of a sudden I threw the phone and fell on the floor crying my eyes out. I started to choke on my tears. I started to regret everything I told him that night. How can I say that to him? He was my best friend and I told him all those things. I just wanted to die right there. Worst thing was, I never got to say I'm sorry for what I said. All that guilt on me. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I started to throw all my things around getting mad at myself for being so stupid. A best friend doesn't do that. Days went by and it seemed forever without him. As you think yes I did cry every day. I cried my self to sleep and I woke up ok, but then started to cry again. It was good it was Winter Break cause I did not want to do anything or go anywhere at all. I just stayed up locked in my room for a whole week. My parents tried to help me but I just didn't want to do anything with them. I wanted my best friend next to me, not them. I just wanted to know if Ryder was ok. Did he die in a painful way or what? I went to his house and tried to comfort his family, but instead I cried with them. I don't know what but something inside told me to go to his room. I went in there and started to touch all his things. What made me break down was seeing the picture we took together. I went and laid on his bed and started crying again. All of a sudden I felt something lay down next to me and it felt like they were hugging me. Then I heard a whisper,
"I love you Kelly, don't cry"
That made me stop crying for a while. I sat up and looked to where the spot was where it felt they laid down. It was warm. I knew he was with me. Then I heard him say again "Goodbye Kelly, take care I will always love you and watch for you" I started crying again
"No Ryder please don't leave me here come back!" but the spot wasn't warm no more it felt empty. I'm like glad he came to visit me, but what hurts the most, was not being able to say I'm sorry. I don't know if I'll be able to forgive myself for that or if he even forgave me. But I am truly sorry. I still cry at times thinking of him thinking if that never happened would he still be here? The fact that I told him he could die was maybe the fact he gave up the fight. I never wanted that to happen. But I can't change the time it's to late. I'll always remember him <|3 I'm just waiting for my time that way I can go visit him. I used to think about suicide, but I knew if I did it, he'd be upset with me. But until my time comes, I won't ever forget my best friend. Thanks for reading my story.
It's been a year since you passed away but I won't ever forget you and I still cry for you. Hope your doing better up there Ryder and I will see you soon :'(
R.I.P Ryder
(Only if R.I.P meant Return If Possible <|3)

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danica says:
01 Jun, 2012 04:23 PM

goodluck kelly don't worry where ever ryder is hes always there to guide you and help you ......... your soo lucky someone loved you soo much .....soo please don't give up the fight .....and one day you two will be together again and be happy all over again.............wish this can help you

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Jane says:
05 Jun, 2012 12:49 PM

You are so beautiful. i bet Ryder was an awesome friend to be around with. God has gained another soldier. Whatever your doing with your life now. He must be really proud of you. (con.t crying)

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05 Jun, 2012 04:49 PM

kelly sorry to hear that he is no more in this vast world.....but you know life is not that much easy sometimes we have tO accept the harsh situations and overcome all the circumstances thata life .....bdw donchu worry you may not get him back but im sure that life will lift you up one day ....and will let you face the world with your happy face .....and im sure that you will be the most happist women in the world one day....keep the faith.....GBU AMEN

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Keyli says:
10 Jun, 2012 03:32 AM

Dude I can't read this with all my tears in my eyes:'(

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Megan says:
13 Jun, 2012 11:55 PM

your story reminded me of myself. My grandmother was my best friend and i never got a chance to tell her that i loved her or good bye. I regret that every single day....your story has touched my heart. I cried my eyes out. I feel your pain in every word that you said. I am so sorry for your lost.

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Jane XP says:
15 Jun, 2012 02:09 AM

Hello :)you're story is very very Sad :( I'll make a Video of this So that you'll feel better :) Please watch it :) Hope he Watches you all the time :)

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mohammad Ahmed M says:
15 Jun, 2012 01:00 PM

it's really one of the saddest story I've ever read in my life , u should feel better after what he said to u "Goodbye Kelly, take care I will always love you and watch for you" . that means he isn't upset any more :)

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baby girl says:
15 Jun, 2012 09:48 PM

o.o that made me cry<\3 I am sorry for your lost.

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kavita chugh says:
28 Jun, 2012 04:03 PM

The story was really is really very hard to believe that your best friend......your best buddy is no more.............very difficult to live without them but we have to.... for others who can't live without us..........

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Diana says:
03 Sep, 2012 02:15 PM

First sorry for ur was a really sad, hard and good tears fell down while reading it..don't u worry he's always with you...continue the fight, pray and one day you and him will meet...stay happy girl..god is watching you..

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Sam says:
10 Sep, 2012 05:33 AM

I'm so very sorry for your loss, I know how it feels to lose a really close friend and I hate that feeling. I lost my girlfriend and I was going to tell her I loved her but it was too late so I sorta know how you feel. I'm sorry that you were or still are sad at all

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Anon says:
12 Sep, 2012 02:59 AM

WOw you're a strong person and that's the actitude! Wait till your time :) and everything will be ok :D

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ziad hany says:
31 Oct, 2012 05:39 PM

it is really nice :)

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Krykry says:
12 Oct, 2014 09:28 AM

"Omfg.. This made me cry.. Losing a friend hurts.. "

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