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letting go of my love

gonewild

17 Nov, 2011 01:28 AM

my love story is just like others but i still wanted to share it though. i have a fantastic best friend since young, we're like sisters. we loved each other that we can't live a minute staying away with each others. when we are in college, we enrolled in the same university, one day while having a late dinner in our favorite restaurant i bumped to a guy, the first time i saw him i know at that very moment that i like him. just to make the story short after that incident we became friends, i found him Intelligent, handsome, talented and funny, i fell in love with him we became attached to each others until one day, the worst day of my life he asked my best friend for a date what hurts more is my best friend said yes. i felt like dying at that very moment, i wanted to scream and cry but i don't want to look stupid in front of them so i just pretend that nothings matter but deep inside i am dying. starting that day, Mark and Hannah became inseparable, Hannah said that he loved Mark and it kills me but i am happy for them. For i love my best friend and i love her boy friend. 2 years later, we graduated, have a stable job, they are still in love with each others and me dying inside.
for me i accepted the fact that Mark is for my best friend, and everyday is hell for me.. seeing them happy together while I'm bleeding inside, i kept the pain for so long because i dunno whom to turn to, every night i cried asking God to please take all the pain in me.

One evening while lying in my bed, Hannah went to our house crying, he and Mark Broke up. Mark broke up with her for no reason, in instance i got angry for him, for the first time i got mad at him for what he did to my best friend. for a week we never seen Mark, His brother said he went for a vacation to his aunt, while Hannah is grieving, almost dying for so much pain. we spent the night together, she crying for Mark broke up with her while me crying for seeing her in pain and crying for my love for him is now turned out to hatred.

December, i just got out from work i saw mark standing at the front of our house, i went out of my car ran to him and slapped him twice just to hurt after i saw the pain in his eyes. he turned and walked away, my heart said to run after him and hug him but i stop my self preventing to hurt my self again. after that happened i never saw Mark again for almost 2 weeks. Hannah still crying for him so as a best friend i make sure that i have time for her. i taught my self to buried my love for Mark even though its hard but that is the right thing to do. Christmas eve i went out to check my dog outside i saw a rose and a gift in our doorstep in my name, i rushed to my room open the gift, i almost cried when i saw that it's a bracelet with my name in it then i saw a note, with a shaking hand i open and read the note. i cried when i read it "My silence is just another word of pain, MARK" i dunno but i felt like my heart is broken pieces by pieces, i dunno what to feel, i cried all night.

Sunday i received a text from Mark. He wanted us to talk so i said yes. my family went to visit my grandparents, i chose to stay home for having the reason of not feeling well. at exactly 10 am Mark arrived, my heart start to beat so fast, i was shaking at that time. At the time we sat at the back of our house he started to confess his felling for me. he said he never intended to fall in love with me, he just woke up one day feeling it but unfortunately he's committed to my best friend and he doesn't want to ruined everything. His afraid to hurt Hannah for he knows i might get hurt to,and his not really sure if the feeling between us is mutual. So he kept his love for me for almost a year but then one day he woke up like can't stand it anymore so he broke up with Hannah and having the courage to confess everything to me, his crying. i dunno what to say at that moment, i cant even move, i just cried and cried. he hug me, i just let him. i cried harder, i calmed my self and said to him that i love him also for the first time we met but don't have courage to say for the sake of my best friend.

after that day, we explained everything to Hannah hoping that she would understand it but life it self is challenge. she got angry, he forsake me as her best friend and worst she cut her wrist almost brought her to death. guilt strikes me, i took all the blame, i can't even forgive my self, i her forgiveness but she said she can only forgave me if i gave up Mark for her, bring hi back for her. i love Hannah, his the only best friend i had, she's like a sister to me and probably because of the guilt is eating me inside i went to mark and begged him to love Hannah again but he said he can't. he can't fool his self again for the second time. he said that i was the one he love not Hannah. since then i avoided Mark, for how many times he tried to convinced me, begged to gave our love a chance but i refused for the sake of Hannah. after one month i received a mail in my yahoo acct from Mark telling that he went back to Canada to her parents to heal everything, but he promised that he will love me for the rest of his life. and if i have all the courage to fight for our love i just have to mail him back. his willing to wait even if takes forever. after reading it i almost die, i cried, asking God to take my life, im like a living dead. i am full of regret, i dunno what to do until now.

Mark is my life and my everything, such a regret that our love never had a chance. for how many times i tempted to mail him, tell him i love him but something always holding me back, maybe it's hannah or my guilt, or i am ashamed now to him, or my hate towards myself. hannah and i are doing okay now, we are trying to fix and bring back our friendship.

i wrote this to seek and ask for advice...
HELP ME to decide.

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Sarah says:
28 May, 2012 08:36 PM

You should so text him or e-mail him. Do it before it's too late, because one day hes gonna move on if you don't. I mean i know he said he'll love you forever, but i've had the same words said to me by the guy i thought was the love of my life and he left me 2 times. (I'm done with him though) The way you talked about it, it's obvious that he and you love eachother. If your friend was an understanding person she'd want you to be happy. If your happy with him she should understand. And no matter what you do, do not cut yourself like your friend. I get things can be hard, i've been in horrible situtations before and cutting is not worth it. But anyway, does your friend know that you were in love with him from the begining? If she knew that you liked him and said yes, shes a pretty suckish friend. But anyways, you need to talk to him. Like fast.
-S

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Chaitanya Tallapaka says:
29 May, 2012 07:35 PM

YOu only have one life...Dont leave him...I Hanna is really ur friend she will understand someday..
Some people will do anything for love..but cant get it
U have a chance dont miss it

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alice says:
29 May, 2012 08:18 PM

for me you should fight for you're happiness
just like mark did..if hannah is you're is true friend she must understand everything.besides he can't force mark to love her..if i where you i will email mark and tell him that you really love him...

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Kara says:
29 May, 2012 10:39 PM

You need to email him! I know you love your best friend, and I think in time she will forgive you. But he is more important, because you can't marry your best friend and have a life with her, but with Mark you can. All is fair in love and war, and though Hannah was hurt, in time she will heal and find someone of her own.

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Afia says:
30 May, 2012 09:13 PM

You need to go for ur love. I knw that hannah is your best friend. But if u dnt email him now then you wil lose him forever. Your friend should understand ur feelings

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uruj kanwal says:
31 May, 2012 04:58 PM

plzzzz do txt him
if hannah z ywr real frn den she vl undastand plzzzzzz txt hm befo its too late

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Kaite says:
31 May, 2012 08:27 PM

you need to email him. I was in this similar situation, except In my ending, I never emailed him. I regret it everyday. Email him, text him, call him. Just do whatever you have to, to tell him that you love him. Do it for me, for him, for every girl that didn't do it ... Do it for you. Please.

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Annie says:
01 Jun, 2012 03:54 AM

You must send him email. Time will come that Hannah will understand everything. Truth hurts but she needs to accept it. It's arduous to control your love to someone and you will regret it for the rest of your life if he can find another.come to think of it. Let her understand that she can't have all the things that she wanted. She doesn't have to be selfish.

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leher says:
01 Jun, 2012 07:51 AM

see there is no fault of yours for which u need to feel ashamed off you had a great heart to sacrifice your love to your friend,so it is not your mistake that they both are apart today because true love and care is never unrecognised and may be it is your true love which got u Mark back and may be not your friend's that let them apart.As far as i feel you proved to be true friend and lover so far so it is ur friend's turn to get her friendship proved and if she cannot then your sacrifice and friendship is worthless for her and she doesn't deserve it.So get on with your love God has listened to your prayers and not in everyone's case love gets success,don't loose your everything for someone who means you nothing.Plzz get back to your true love.My prayers and wishes are with you.Hope your friend may understand your love for her.take care and all he best.

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E.T says:
02 Jun, 2012 04:11 AM

you need to emailMArk right away.U've proven yourself a true friend to Hannah, you kept your love to yourself, you sacrificed your heart when they were together and even after they broke up. He made it clear does not want her. What else can you do? Email Mark, right away.

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hannah says:
07 Jun, 2012 04:12 AM

email him!!!!!!!! He loves you!!!!!! Go to him if you have to!!!!!! If your friend loves you as much as you say you do, she will acceptyour love!!!!!! I too am in love and I would never let a friend stop our love!!!!!!!!!!!

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Deniz says:
07 Jun, 2012 03:38 PM

four words dawg=YOLO!(YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE)

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mary says:
08 Jun, 2012 07:06 AM

My Good advise for you. Go get him!!!U have left him for Hannah but he is not willing to go back to her. At the end, he will neither be your's nor Hannah's. If you love him truly, you should be with him. :-D. Best wishes.

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Wanted good for you says:
16 Jun, 2012 09:38 PM

You Should REALLY e-mail him. If you take too much Time he'll get over you and just forget you. It already happened to me but the guy Still talks to me. If hanna is really you're friend she would understand. And if she doesn't then she's not a real friend

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jcc says:
18 Jun, 2012 11:52 PM

You should definitly mail him. Your friend should be happy for you. If your friend is okay now with the breakup then she wouldn't be mad at you for dating him. You not dating him won't help your friend Hannah in any way.

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Flake says:
24 Jun, 2012 10:12 AM

I think you should follow your heart. I know its hard, but you must try. After all, if this kind of problems comes up again, at least you have andidea of what you should do.

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Erisa says:
25 Jun, 2012 09:08 PM

i think hanna is really selfish. i think you should emaiil him and think of your own happiness.



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Shelby says:
26 Jun, 2012 06:34 AM

Omg go for it you only live once if Hanna is s real friend then she will understand of you love him and he loves you you should go for and go get your man girl

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stephanie says:
03 Jul, 2012 11:39 PM

yeah should go for it let HANNAH DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS FIGHT FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

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crystal says:
04 Jul, 2012 01:48 PM

Dear lost hart
u have given so much to Hanna what has she given u yes yes i know she is your best friend i get that trust me i understand see i went threw a similar situation and its hard to betray your best friend but love never tells u when its gonna hit u it just happens and honey when it happens don't let it go. because that moment of knowing he is the one is so magical that nth on this planet can hurt u is a once of a life time opportunity. mark is that guy for u i am sorry but he is and u loved him first before Hanna listen to us we know what we saying stop being so stubborn and email him before its to late and yes all of us are repeating that saying but its true please do not give up on your love for him u will regret it the rest of your life because u will always ask your self this one question "WHAT IF" and that's a powerful question because what if u did replay to that email wear would u be will u be happy will u be sad that's questions that is impossible to find out until u take that chance with mark but if u love mark as much as i think u do then that question of WHAT IF must never be repeated. u can do this u are strong and beautiful do something for u now hope u make the right decision i will pray for u just remember u are a good person loving mark and choosing him dose not make u a bad person.

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inaru.grace says:
04 Jul, 2012 06:34 PM

Don't waste your time in thinking!!! It is clear that you really love each other!! Go! And fight for your true love! don't let him go!

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liz maya says:
05 Jul, 2012 02:09 PM

i wonder if there is anyone as nice as you in the world. fight for your love, it's the fair thing to do...i'm sorry to say but your best friend is selfish!

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