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Dear Dad <3


13 Oct, 2011 07:24 PM

Dear Dad,
I still remember that dark night. Your sister or my aunt was here to visit you. She came with your crippled step mom and her husband who loved you as a brother so much. They were laughing about stories until there was a screech of police cars outside. The Vibrant colors of red and blue filled the house through the windows. I was only about to be seven so my mom told me to hide in the room. I was really nosy i know, so i pressed my ear to the door. My hair got in my eyes but i had a feeling of what i was going to hear was going to be really important so i ignored it. I heard my mom footsteps go down the main hall and the click of the door opening. She screamed. I stood up but i thought of her getting mad at me if i opened the door. I kept with my ear against the smooth pearly white door. I heard my aunt and uncle crying. Even my grandma. Now i was really worried. I heard the door shut and waited for my mom to open the door to room so i can find out what happened.

About ten minutes pass by. Still no answer to my door. I came running out and everyone crying. She came and hugged me. I was really confused now...

At the age i didn't know what a funeral was. So i saw my dad. "Mom why is daddy sleeping..?" Although i knew he died, i still don't wanna believe it. I noticed a cross in his hands, i slightly touched his silky hands that held it and carefully took it. I remembered how much fun it was holding his hands and him swinging me in the air. Oh how i miss it so much. I was only there for 3 minutes. I was sleeping over my cuisine's house that day. So i left quickly. Everyone looked at me and i saw my sister. You know daddy, she doesn't talk about you that much anymore... I really want to know that fun things that you guys did like teach her how to dance salsa. I never watched that video you made that mom told me about.

Everyday i go through the torture of the thoughts of suicidal. I don't wanna leave mom alone too... But I'll be strong like you. Fighting against life and all the people who call me names in school. I'm not so sure about life. I think it's just plain cruel...
I really miss you daddy... I think about you everyday, and the closer to death i get to, the closer to you. Maybe it's not a bad idea at all. I want you here to guide me, I'm confused and i don't want to make the bad decision and make you sad. Because then i would be sad. And so will mom. I have good friends out there with me. But i think that no one will understand me. I'm the only person walking on this lonely, abandoned street.

~I Love You So Much Daddy~ <3
Your daughter that misses you awfully a lot...


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Katya says:
04 Apr, 2012 10:27 AM

Please don't think you are the only one walking on the long and lonely path the same thing happened to me only my mum died and my tow twin brothers. She was picking me me up from a party and they were in a car crash. I never saw them again my dad committed suicide because he was so distraught. I was on my one at 10. don't think I'm just saying this but I learnt from my new foster parents to try and get back into life and try not remember what has happened. as you said you need to stay strong for your mum. Just imagine how she would be I you were taken from her too. Be happy that you have someone. a girl in the foster home where I was never even knew her father so keep the good and happy memories of him close and cherish them.
Katya Xxx

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Coretta says:
21 Apr, 2012 05:32 PM


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Vivian says:
27 May, 2012 01:49 AM

Don't worry. You are not alone. There are many people who suffer the pain of losing loved ones. Never give up on life, my dear. There are people who love you and want you in their lives forever. Always cherish the beautiful memories and make new ones as you continue your journey of life. Good luck and God bless you.

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Breanna says:
03 Jun, 2012 05:02 AM

Its ok ur not alone my dad died on an atv when I was nine and I wanted to go suicide I get bullied so much people move there desks away from me that was 2 years ago on Canada day 2010 I lock myself in the bedroom and cry all day on Canada day and that's all I think about cry myself to sleep every night hoping this is all a dream and I am only 11 now and I needed some tears that made me cry I am so sorry for ur loss but nobody knows how I feel at my school so they bullie me when I try to make friends they run away my best friend died a week later sadly and that makes it worsembut whatever happens life will get better I know it will ur not alone

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wtf says:
18 Jul, 2012 10:13 AM

daaayyyyyyuuuuuuum homie ,hes in a betr place now eh , dun worreh jus chill u aint da only one just remember dat and ull be FA-YINE BOO YAH

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George Krauch says:
22 Aug, 2014 04:10 AM

First off I'm sorry for your loss, I lost my father when I was two, and I've always been upset in my head about it, but I don't like how you say you deal with thoughts of suicide mostly bc of kids from school, everybody in this world who's gone to public or private school had been made fun of before and I don't think that's something you should take to heart but you should just stay strong bc there's no reason to hurt yourself or others good luck to you in the future I pray you do good in life

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