Dear Dad <313 Oct, 2011 07:24 PM
I still remember that dark night. Your sister or my aunt was here to visit you. She came with your crippled step mom and her husband who loved you as a brother so much. They were laughing about stories until there was a screech of police cars outside. The Vibrant colors of red and blue filled the house through the windows. I was only about to be seven so my mom told me to hide in the room. I was really nosy i know, so i pressed my ear to the door. My hair got in my eyes but i had a feeling of what i was going to hear was going to be really important so i ignored it. I heard my mom footsteps go down the main hall and the click of the door opening. She screamed. I stood up but i thought of her getting mad at me if i opened the door. I kept with my ear against the smooth pearly white door. I heard my aunt and uncle crying. Even my grandma. Now i was really worried. I heard the door shut and waited for my mom to open the door to room so i can find out what happened.
About ten minutes pass by. Still no answer to my door. I came running out and everyone crying. She came and hugged me. I was really confused now...
At the age i didn't know what a funeral was. So i saw my dad. "Mom why is daddy sleeping..?" Although i knew he died, i still don't wanna believe it. I noticed a cross in his hands, i slightly touched his silky hands that held it and carefully took it. I remembered how much fun it was holding his hands and him swinging me in the air. Oh how i miss it so much. I was only there for 3 minutes. I was sleeping over my cuisine's house that day. So i left quickly. Everyone looked at me and i saw my sister. You know daddy, she doesn't talk about you that much anymore... I really want to know that fun things that you guys did like teach her how to dance salsa. I never watched that video you made that mom told me about.
Everyday i go through the torture of the thoughts of suicidal. I don't wanna leave mom alone too... But I'll be strong like you. Fighting against life and all the people who call me names in school. I'm not so sure about life. I think it's just plain cruel...
I really miss you daddy... I think about you everyday, and the closer to death i get to, the closer to you. Maybe it's not a bad idea at all. I want you here to guide me, I'm confused and i don't want to make the bad decision and make you sad. Because then i would be sad. And so will mom. I have good friends out there with me. But i think that no one will understand me. I'm the only person walking on this lonely, abandoned street.
~I Love You So Much Daddy~ <3
Your daughter that misses you awfully a lot...