Vote +23

Alone

Sheri

28 Oct, 2016 05:17 AM

This is well... a story of myself i usually do myself as a dragon cause thats how i escape... i mix my fantasy into my real life... but this time... im not going to...

Most of this started back when i was admitted at the hospital, recently diagnosed with extreme depression and severe social anxiety.
May 20, 2016 i was brought into emergency for self harm. After a few hours of waiting the doctor took us to the psych ward... or "psych emerg" security guards nearby as well, they were friendly yes very friendly. Another few hours pass and its clear im going to be staying here so im all excited thinking that its all going to be a joy ride. I have my phone so what could go wrong, the only one who kept me sane in that small room was my boyfriend we dont live in the same city no, im in canada. Him in the states so far apart but we were and we still are closer than anyone could expect from a long distance relationship. He is my world, he kept me alive to this point cause a few months ago i would have ended it all because of my family. But he was there. He called and i put the knife down and fell asleep to his voice saying positive things. He just has that perfect texan accent i love. But i love him for who he is... not what he looks like but for his personality, for him just being him. Days pass and im waiting to get to the unit still, my boyfriend always there but i dont fully rely on him, only cause of him i can stand on my own but i still need him by my side and i always will. On May 24 im finally brought up to the unit, unit 23 i thought it was going to be fun. I fought back when they said i no longer had the right to talk to my boyfriend. But eventually they got me to give in, a few days i stay in bed... crying, hoping i would get out of that hell.

June 14
Annoying new roommate obsessed with Attack on Titan... kissed me right away when the nurses left our room... short little one, transgender too. I didnt fight back because i would be at fault, nobody would believe that i was trying to stop this person. Later that night i was touched sexually in my sleep... i woke to this but acted asleep knowing i cant do anything, as the agressive one i would be at fault, it would not be self defense to the nurses.

June 20
Still getting worse i hate it and im beginning to starve myself, all they want to do is control me. But im not some pet, individual work hmph and ANGER management, if i never had this self taught anger management alot of people would be dead right now. So i dont kneed that never have and never will.

June 28
Discharge meeting, finally i can go home. And home is where i want to stay.

A few hours hours and im on the couch snuggling one of my cats Sweetpea. Im happy and i enjoy being home for the first time in a month its wonderful.

The next few days are good very good im loosing weight which is AMAZING for me and im super excited for school in a few months new high school... better than the one i was at before, no more bullies cause im in a program with other teens just like me.

About a month passes and im taken out of my favorite summer camp a day after i get there, im devistated at the loss and attempt suicide but again my boyfriend was there so i calmed down. Later that day we have to pack a few things again for a meeting with a place called Woods homes. Mom leaves and im left without the love of my life again... im trapped again going through the same thing over and over again. No phone again, so its tough cause my boyfriend promised he would always be here for me, he has probably plotted murders for everyone at this place knowing how difficult it is for me here away from home and away from him...

Another month later its the first day of school and my last day at woods. Also my first day at home again. School is amazing it really is... after the breakup it was difficult,

The breakup happened one night. I was having a bad day and he was there... he told me he wasnt feeling okay so i did my usual, i helped him to his feet, i helped him fight the depression. Then his mother texts me.. we have a conversation. In the end i broke up with him because of her... i didnt know she would use my mental disabilities to get in my head... i threaten her the next day cause i was trying to defend myself. Even after the event me and him are close...

Three weeks after the breakup i cant take it anymore so he asks to try again with a relationship knowing it was hard for me to call him "bestie" when i had such strong feelings for him, and he the same feelings for me. We forget about the breakup and continue loving eachother secretly. Our bond stronger than ever now. We both know it will never break, our love is strong and we always help eachother. I want to plan a trip to see him but i give up... cause i know mom will never let me go cause she hates me... and since grandma moved to the other province (British Columbia) its been hard...

October 6
Its my special boy's birthday today... he turns seventeen today. I love him so much, and grandma comes six days from now and i am so happy! My birthday gift to him is a drawing, that was also an art contest submission for the yearbook, he loves the drawing! He wishes to be with me so much but the distance still keeps us apart...

October 27 (today)
Im still sick... sore as heck i can barely move without crying in pain. But nobody believes me as i am stuck in bed. When nobody is looking i take atleast fifteen sleeping pills and start saying goodbye to everyone. Knowing my life will never get better. I wake a few hours later... depressed my suicide attempt didnt work. And since my boyfriend was at school at the time he could not talk much... he had to go to his car at lunch... to be alone, i texted him later on... yet again... he is the only reason im still here... i fight only for him...

If you say for me just to get over my depression, then you dont know what its like. I skipped alot of things because im in a rush right now... nobody believes my pain everyone thinks its a lie and im tired of it, im tired of being strong for everyone else when im treated so badly by most people. Scars cover my body neck to thighs each one a sign when i lost the emotional battle in my head. I have more to say but my story is boring nobody needs to know about my problems. As a dragon artist im always picked on... ive never taken art classes but im damn good at drawing dragons.

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Josiah says:
11 Dec, 2016 04:56 AM

Not even sure if you'll ever read this but it's worth a try. How are things going now? Have there been any changes good or bad? You can email me for privacy or say it right here. It's up to you.

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kaladar says:
18 Dec, 2016 02:47 PM

lol.
Im 16 .
I just want a girl suffering from depression .

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Sheri says:
04 Jan, 2017 09:07 PM

Its getting better.... the depression hits worse and worse but i have my boyfriend there to help :) in a month i'll be 16! And in a month will be me and my boyfriend's year anniversary together :)

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subah says:
08 Jan, 2017 07:18 PM

can you tell me how you guys helped each other to overcome the depression? I really need to know. Cause I'm in the same position in some points.

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christina says:
16 Jan, 2017 04:52 PM

hey, you are such a brave girl. I'm not going to tell you to get over the depression and all that. I don't know who you are. I will never know what it is like for you. I don't know if you are ever going to read this. I know this is hard. It makes such a burden as this is something you may battle for a while. You make it sound like you dont really have anyone who's there for you, except this boy. I am so sorry. Sorry that you feel so alone. That you feel no motivation to continue on.

Like I said, I don't know you. But I am here for you. A stranger, a girl like you. In the core of it all. i hope you get the courage to continue on. To keep moving forward. Do know that it won't always be this bad. Look for the little joys. You're exciteed to see your grandma? find joys in the little gleams of light that appear in darkness. Those little strings. one day you will be able to see all the light in the darkness.

if you need someone to talk to, I'll listen. I'm not the best at checking my email but from every few weeks I'll look at it. or message me on here. know there are people in the world who care

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Eli Nix says:
24 Feb, 2017 04:18 AM

Thank You, your not alone

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Jonas says:
24 Feb, 2017 12:05 PM

Sounds like a rough time you had. Good thing you had such a great boyfriend. This kind of story makes me think if there is anyone in my class that might have same problem right now. Really hope i'll be able to help them if it ever happens to be true.

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Adhil says:
28 Feb, 2017 07:39 PM

Sis hey there,
Umm....i know how people feel when they hear things like this ,i know how you feel cause i too suffer the pain ur going through.and ur story it aint boring trust me it aint at all ..damn emotional ..i hope that things go well for you ..may god bless you

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Jose says:
12 Mar, 2017 09:34 AM

Hi Sheri,

How are things going? All ok? :) Email me if you need someone to talk to and share these things about.

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Levi says:
02 May, 2017 08:59 AM

I love the last line XD

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corrine says:
01 Jun, 2017 05:22 PM

This story is the most inspirational I have ever heard, i was shedding tears as I read this. I wish there were more true stories like this.

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Emma says:
20 Jun, 2017 03:47 PM

OMG..I feel the exact same way. The only difference is my reason for living broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I don't have anyone to talk to and now one of my friends told me that he got a new girlfriend from a different school. I can't believe it. I thought I meant something to him, but I guess not. I don't know how I am going to handle this without him....Help!!!! A

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Um idk call me what you want says:
05 Jul, 2017 12:05 AM

Hey I know this seems kinda weird to ask but if you can send me your dragon dragon drawings to my email. I would love to see it. I'm also a dragon lover but I can't draw XD anyways if you do thank you

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Elli26Gamer says:
11 Jul, 2017 03:30 PM

Believe God has his reason, Never try too kill yourself. Never feel Alone God is with you. Have Faith that he will help you. Always have Trust, because I believe you. God knows what has happen, and if your mother is not the kindest. But God knows what really happened. I hope this helped anybody who's need this but forget the mother part.

NEVER LOSE TRUST IN THE LORD.

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ning says:
09 Nov, 2017 05:24 PM

I really like your story some of them are the same to me please write more about your story and I do like the last paragraph ending , remember that your story is not boring , I also like drawing ,dragon is also another part of my favorite it just that I don't how to draw . Your story is amazing keep it up :) .

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