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How Should I Feel About My Life?

Mitchell Harrison

26 Oct, 2016 09:20 AM

Help me. I can’t deal with the stress anymore. Every day is the same thing. I get physically abused, mentally destroyed, emotionally ruined. What have I done wrong? Why won’t anybody help me? I’m sorry. Do I deserve this torture? Even if it is from a family member I love and care for? I would do anything to help them through a tough time and in return I get hurt. I always end up hurt. No matter how much support I give others, no matter how much I care about them, they always hurt me. They always leave.

Everything I’ve done is flushed down the drain. Most of the people that leave me, I would lay down my life for. I’m trapped in an endless cycle of betrayal, deceit and suicide. The ones I love, my Uncle, my Sister, my Mother, they have all tried committing suicide. My Uncle was successful. He drove into an excavator and crushed his side of the car. My Mum has tried overdosing, she tried giving me away to my Grandmother at the age of 5 and 10. My Sister tried cutting her wrists, she tried overdosing, she tried to run away from home and drown herself.

What is wrong with my family? My aunt is a heavy drug user, who lost her daughter because of the things she did. She had needles on the floor of her house, drugs being brought into her house all the time. Sometimes, she would even forget to cook food for her daughter or go to the shops and buy food. My cousin had to go to other houses to ask for a sandwich.

I need to toughen up. It isn’t my fault though. I’m a weak person. I can’t deal with any more loss, betrayal or heartache. Throughout my life, I have learned many things. Majority of those include who you can and cannot trust, who is lying and who is telling the truth. Those things are important to know in life.

People who have been hurt before know how I feel. If anyone ever needs a hand, I’m always there. I know how hard it is to talk to people you’ve never met before. You have trouble trusting them, you are unsure as to whether they will tell others or judge you. It’s difficult. That’s why I am there for those I know. I try helping.

Thinking about everything I have lived through, everyone who has left me, harmed me or put me down, I realise everything that happened was for a reason. If those things didn’t happen, I never would’ve met the one I love. I never would've met my best friend. I don’t know where I’d be without them. These people mean the world to me. If I were to hurt them in any way, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
My best friend was convinced by my ex-girlfriend that I was doing inappropriate things while they were together. He was ready to bash me. After that, I’ve been quite edgy. I can’t tell whether he will hurt me one day by accident, or if he will smash my head into a wall. I have trouble trusting my closest friends and family at times. Sometimes I even have trouble trusting my partner. This is messed up; it hurts not knowing whether the feelings people say they have are true. Yet I’m still here for people. No matter how many times I’ve been hurt, I still want to help people. Is that normal? I need guidance, but my mind and body is so sore. Help.

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Anonymous says:
11 Dec, 2016 06:05 AM

Ive been hurt before by the people i trusted. I used to think it was normal until people started treating me right. Its not ok for people to betray you. It sounds like things are rough right now but storms cant last forever. If u ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me

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Captain says:
14 Dec, 2016 10:18 AM

I am always with you. Don't worry everything will be right soon. Just be brave.

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Amethyst says:
23 Dec, 2016 07:31 AM

I can't say I know how you feel, but I can tell you that, you are strong..I get tormented by my mother every single day of my life, its nothing compared to what you go through, but I just want you to know that, you can hold on. If you've gotten this far, you can go further :)

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lee says:
13 Jan, 2017 09:21 PM

dear...sometimes it life it happens but i think the best way for u is to fully submit ur life to God...i swear u will find a way, living with burdens is not worthliving but giving your burden to God and start n end with him just for a min kneel down and pray with all ur heart i know he wil hear u.

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