I'm lost...29 Jan, 2013 02:16 PM
Happiness wasn't meant for me...I hate my life and I didn't want to hate myself,but I ended up like that,anyway. My mother moved far away because of her job and now I live with my father, who is nuts. Seriously,he needs to go see a psychologist or something!!! He has a very serious problem with his nerves. But I have a serious problem,too...I am bipolar and I have depression. But I can't help it...What would YOU do if your life sucked like mine does? Yes,you heard me:my life sucks.
HARD...Every day I hear these cheerful people say that they love everything and that if I want my life to change, I should be grateful for some things... But how can I be grateful when THERE'S NOTHING to be grateful for? My life isn't satisfying at all. I'm ugly as hell, unpopular, a complete idiot and so lazy that I can't wake up in the morning to go to school. As a result,I'm almost staying in the same grade next year. Also,I never study or do my homework so my grades suck too. About my "friends"? Haha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I don't feel like talking about these bitches at all, OK?! They are the main reason I ended up with depression! I don't have any chances of finding a good job when I grow up and I'm pretty sure I'll never get a boyfriend either...Who would want to be MY boyfriend?I'm so ugly that even my eyes widen when I look myself in the mirror. Also I'm broken and so many dreams of mine have been turned into mush, that I don't feel like dreaming anymore.
I wasn't always like this...I was once a happy girl, full of energy. But you see, life tends to make people like me hurt and scared to move on. That's what it does... It takes sensitive people and torture them, until there's nothing left of them... The end... However, I can't rip out my heart so that I won't have feelings. I'll always be able to feel. That's why I'll always be in pain: because nothing good ever comes my way. It feels like I'm cursed or something!!! I've tried everything. I prayed and tried but nothing happened..I don't know what else to do. I'm stuck. AGAIN. And I HATE feeling stuck! God I swear I hate this feeling SOOOO much! I'd rather die than live my whole life filled with this feeling!! HELP!!Is anyone out there who feels the same way? Anyone?? I'm looking for some comfort here and someone to talk to...If you feel like that too or if you've at least been through this, please help me!! I don't want to live like this anymore! I'm serious!! This site is my last hope...