Two years of lies22 Dec, 2012 05:50 AM
It seems as if everybody is always happy around you, but you're the only person who seems to be depressed. I was the type of girl who didn't need anybody to reply on too. I didn't need anybody to make me happy. I didn't mind staying home by myself. As I became older and watched movies it seem to be that relationships were the key to happiness. All I wanted to do was feel loved. It seemed like all my friends were in love and happy. I understand that we're still young and have our whole life ahead of us, but when someone makes you feel wanted, it's one of the best feelings.
I met a guy on MySpace, and corny as it sounds that was the thing back then. He said he saw me at school and I caught his eye. He's was a year older then me, and a huge athlete at the school. Everybody knew who he was. I didn't understand why he was talking to me, a girl who wasn't popular, prettier or outgoing. I was nothing like his ex's. he text-ed me everyday for 9 months and he kept wanting to date me. I never said yes because I was scared of getting hurt. In the beginning I thought It was a joke. Why would he want anything to do with a girl like me? I denied my feelings for him for almost a year, until one day he told me he was giving up. We stopped talking and I knew then that I wanted I be with Him. We stated dating and he was my first true boyfriend.
I was the type of person to always forgive people. I always cared what people thought about me, I always tried to make people happy before I made myself happy. As time went on, he was my first kiss, and first everything. He peer pressured me into doing everything we did, and I thought I was in love with him so I thought we were just going to a new level. By our year and a half, I was totally in love with him. He meant everything to me and he knew I'd do anything for him. He took advantage of me. I played on a summer softball team and it was the first weekends we spent away from each other. I remember laying in bed and he told me he couldn't call me because he was busy, which was weird. We talked on the phone every night for almost a year and a half. I called him to see what was going on and he told me he'd call me tomorrow. Didn't hear from him for the rest of the night. The next day I sent him a Good morning text as I usually did. It was 6 in the morning when I sent it. He responded right away. He told me he loved me and that he'd never wanted to lose me, then I had to go so I couldn't talk to him much longer and he told me he had to talk to me about something when I got home. I gave him all my trust so I had no idea what was going on. When I arrived home, he called me and told me he cheated on me.
I still remember the feeling I had when I was on the phone with him. I felt dead. I have never cried so hard in my life. I threw up 3 times and I didn't eat for days. But the worst thing was, is he just sat on the phone with me for a hour listening to me crying. By that time in our relationship, he took possibly everything away from me. He didn't like any of my friends so I lost all of them. I wasn't allowed to text guys, so our whole relationship I didn't text one single guy. He made me deactivate my Facebook and he controlled me on what I wore. I wasn't allowed to wear yoga pants or v necks. I wore a hoodie and jeans everyday. I spent everyday I could with him. He stood me up in the weekends when he wanted to drink. He wouldn't tell me if he was going to not be able to come over, he'd just stand me up and ignore me. Time passed and I sticked with him. I had no friends, just had him. I was there for him every possible time I could be there for him, I let him walk all over me and I put up with it for almost two year.
Before our two years he broke up with me and blamed it on me, because I hung out with my old Best friend that he didn't like. He refused to talk to me. 6 days after we broke up he dated his ex girlfriend. Not only is it his ex, it was the girl I absolutely hated. And he knew it. She lives two houses down from me, and I remember walking down the road with a friend trying to get a hold of him to work things out when I saw him walking out of her house getting in his house. At that moment I felt so dead. I wanted to drop to my knees and cry, right there in the middle of the road. I made it to my house and I balled my eyes out. It's been 8 months since we broke up. But it feels like it was just yesterday that we broke up. He broke up with his ex girlfriend again and he'd talk to me, promise me we'd get back together. He really got my hopes up this time. Then he screwed me over and dated my friend.
I should have left him when he cheated on me. But I loved the boy more than I loved my own damn self. He took advantage of my feelings, he talked to me every 3 months and led me on. I fell for it every time. I cried for so many days, months end on. There was so many times I felt like just ending my life. I felt like the pain just wasn't worth it anymore. I drank to get my depression off my shoulders and the stress of losing the best thing that has ever happened to me. I blamed the break up on me. I thought of all the things I could have did different to make this relationship work. But in the end It wasn't me. His brother and Best friend came to my house 7 months after the Break up and told me how many times he cheated on me, 10 times in the two years that we dated. When I was more loyal then anybody hell ever meet. Hell never find anybody that loved him like I did. The depression still gets to me every once in a while when the memories flash back to me.
Never cheat on a loyal girl. It's like picking up and diamond and switching it for a rock. The thing that just gets me is that I know I did my best and my best wasn't good enough. Now that I was so hurt from him, I'm scared everyone is out there to hurt me so I just decide to push them away before try leave me.