Vote +6

Going,Going..Gone

goingsoon

24 Nov, 2012 07:41 AM

Well I guess it all started off last year when my friend committed suicide. No one knew why and I blame myself completely as her best friend, I should have noticed but I didn't.

Soon after my parents got divorced. For years the only thing I'd asked them is "will you ever get divorced" because I couldn't bear the thought of losing a family life and they always said "no" but I realize now that the answer was yes, they were just waiting until I was older. People say the older you are the more it affects you because you get so used to living as 1 family in that lifestyle. My mum says that they didn't divorce earlier because they thought it would hurt us more (us being my brother and I). My mum was wrong.

I don't love my parents for the way they treat me, as a start my dad says I shouldn't be in this world. I hate him so much and my mum is somewhat similar. Somehow I can sense it hurts my brother although he says it doesn't. I wish he'd just admit it. They say it hits some people later though and so I guess it will hit him later. I also wish I’d developed a better relationship with him in the first place. We are never mean to each other and we love each other we just never talk. And I so need someone to talk to.

I have no one to talk to about it, I don’t want to talk to my parents for obvious reasons such as they won’t listen but I can’t talk to a friend because they wouldn't understand and I don’t have the courage to talk to a helpline or a school councellor as I can only express my feelings in words. I get bullied at school and I don't even know why. There’s nowhere I’m safe and I can't and therefore don't trust anyone. I have no where I’m safe. Nowhere to be free. I’m so ugly as well and no guys like me at school, everyone has a guy but I don’t. I wish I could have someone to trust.

I cut nearly every night now and I have attempted suicide once before. I think about suicide every night and I just don't know how much longer I can stand this, how much longer I can go on pretending I’m happy, how much longer I can take this and how much longer I can live.
If this is my note then so be it. I hate you mum and dad and I don’t know why you never cared, you haven’t been there when I needed you the most and I’m sorry but I can’t take it anymore.

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hacer says:
20 Feb, 2013 07:22 AM

what a careless family

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Carter Mullins says:
21 Feb, 2013 07:01 AM

I am so sorry I know how you fell I to think about killing myself and it is hard to do so but yet somehow we get through it think of it like this you don't have them but you can always talk to us.

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Deon says:
26 Feb, 2013 04:45 AM

I know how you feel

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angel says:
28 Feb, 2013 04:26 AM

I know exactally how you feel. Ive tried killing myself and it was not easy:/ ok im just going to say this but i was sexaully abused by my peice of shit father for 3 years and my mother physicaly abuses me. And i have no idea why they did that? But when you think it thru theres people like us that can help you and feel the same way. Im sorry you had to go thru this hun. I hope u feel better!:)

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Lily says:
15 Oct, 2013 01:54 AM

I know how you feel love. I am too embarrassed to talk to a consular at school. I wish i had someone.

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