The one that got away.17 Oct, 2012 12:20 AM
So this story is one that is taking place as we speak. It is something that I will not be able to get out of, ever, for as long as I live. It is one that breaks my heart on a daily basis.
I am 18 years old. I am ambitious. There are so many things in life that I want to experience. This last summer, I ended my 3 year relationship with the man I thought I was supposed marry. Stupidity and immaturity is to blame for that thought process. Like any teenage girl, I was devastated. Maybe not because he was gone, but because I felt alone. I needed some type of attention from the opposite sex. I just wanted to flirt and feel wanted, nothing serious, just a fun summer fling. My friend introduced me to a man who I had developed a kindergarten crush on earlier that year. And by "kindergarten crush" I mean I thought he was drop dead gorgeous, and way out of my league. Well let me tell you, his league must have been drafting some lower league players, because I put myself out there and he took my bait and gave me a chance.
Little did I know , him and I were rowing in the same boat. He had also gotten out of a long relationship. Neither of us were looking for anything serious, just some summer fun. Him and I developed a "friends with benefits" relationship. No strings attached, just fun.
Well leave it to stupid me, I got attached. I fell for him. And at the right time. Allow me to tell you why. "Friend with Benefits and I" , we are expecting a mini us here in approximately 8 months. That's right, I'm pregnant. And he is sticking with me.
I'm sure you guys are reading this and thinking "this isn't that sad at all" Just hold on to your pants friends, I'm getting there. Well, of course my parents disowned me. I was forced to drop out of the art school of my dreams, and I had nowhere to go. So I moved in with him. I am currently still living with him, but let me tell you, it is hard. Why is it hard? well because him and I just had a serious conversation about this child to be. About us, about our future and what we were going to do. I was expecting an agreement to get married. instead I received the worst news possible.
"This is hard for me, to have this child with you, because you're not the one I want a child with, I am still in love with my ex".
That was his response. Well, my heart shattered at that very moment. Not only am I pregnant and EXTREMELY hormonal, but this man that I had fallen so hard for still loves his ex. For those of you who have experienced this pain, I feel for you, it is the worst heartache I have ever felt. It is hard to carry his child or even look at him, knowing that I will never be good enough for him. All I can do at this point, is take care of myself, love myself and this child, and prepare to be the best mom I can be. With or without him.