It was not meant to be

Lorenzo

as I looked out the window, it was the sight of my mother leaving to which I never saw again. I was in the 5th grade when this happened, and i still remember it was 2 weeks before our promotion to junior high, growing up i never thought my parents would ever divorce or lose my mother for the rest of my life. "Where are your parents?" i heard my friend asked me all the time. They asked me this at the Ridge Way elementary promotion, where I was the only kid in the cafeteria with neither off his parents. I remember going home and crying my eyes and heart out and being angry at my father for not losing a day of work to come see me in this day and I was furious with my mother for leaving me and my family. my mother was the only women in the family, us being 4 brothers and my dad, so when she left, I was the one who took charge off all the household chores and necessities. For being a little kid, life was being a whore. kids are suppose to have fun, no worries, focus in school, and that was the complete opposite off what I did. but all that sorrow for me came to an end when I entered middle school, when in my 4th period class, I sat next to the love of my life Michele.


Michele was a short girl, with long black hair, she wasn't the prettiest I could tell you that but to me she was everything. During middle school, it was also hard, my older brother was in high school and was always partying, my 2 baby brothers moved with an aunt across town, and my father would work sometimes even in the night. So I was a 13,14 year old boy by himself at his house. But it would not matter because I knew that in a couple of hours the sun would rise, I would go to school and see that lovely girl. Every day, little by little I grew fond of her and my feelings were changing towards her. Because of how I grew up and my child hood, I matured at a very young age so I knew what was love and romance. That was exactly how I felt towards her. So we eventually became best friends and man I loved every moment of it, the laughter, the pranks, everything we could think of having fun we would do it. After that middle school flew by, I remember I was going to be promoted to 9th grade, and my brother showed up this time, but just to congratulate me and soon after that he left. I really didn't care anymore. Michelle invited me to where she was and with her family to take pictures and sign year books. To me it meant so much, but as high school started everything changed.


That summer I had gathered enough guts to tell her how I actually felt. That even though my life was hard she made the whole pain go away, that when I was with her I was on the clouds. Over the summer, she grew and she entered school as one of the most prettiest girls in the school. If my love for her was great, it grew even more. She became a cheerleader and that's when everything really changed. we would not talk that much, she was too much busy because of her practice, we did not hang out anymore. She eventually would flirt with the football players and would do things that would get me jealous. So one day I pulled her a side and talked to her. I told her why did we grow such distance apart, and she told me, "Everything happens for a reason" and walked away. I was shocked and confused. Then after that day we were complete strangers, she ignored me, avoided me or simply lived her life like I never existed. I was devastated and broken from inside and being considered a "tough" kid, that was one of the times I actually cried for another human being. I said to myself "if you really love someone and they are happy with another person, you have to let them go even if it kills you." I just then started living my life the way it came, mostly by myself. Celebrating the holidays with my dad and not my whole family, just bad luck I guessed.

Michelle then started dating the school jock, Jake. And stayed with him throughout high school, but I would still watch out for her even though to her I was just a stranger. Then came graduation, like the same story, none of my family was there to support, but my friends kept me company in that very special day, and I got my diploma and went straight home. The whole night I looked around for her wondering how beautiful she would look in her cap and gown. But no, she did not go. which was really strange because she was very intelligent and had received a scholarship. She had gone to the hospital that same night of graduation, because she was giving birth to her first son Jake Jr. named after his father. At the moment I found out, I pretended not to care, but on the inside I was empty. A couple of weeks after their first kid, the father abandoned her, leaving her to deal with the baby and rent of the apartment which they had recently rented. She eventually lost the apartment and had nowhere else to go. I wanted to look for Jake and literally tear him limb from limb. I was out raged, even though she had hurt me she did not deserved that. And once again I let her back in my life again.

I saw her on a bus stop while it was pouring outside, and I stopped and told her to get in, I asked her "Where are you going?" and she answered "I really don't know" and after everything had happen I was glad to hear her voice. I knew I had not stop loving her even though she did not love me, I learned to accept that it was just not meant to be. So if I could not have her love me at least, I could have her close to me, which was far less worse that not seeing her at all. She stayed at my house for a while, and it was nice to have company, not just me and my father as my older brother moved out. I would pay everything for the little baby, even though it was not mine, I took care of it like if it was. And the feelings toward her never went away, instead they kept growing, and I know what you are saying, I am probably dumb for doing all of this but when you truly love someone, you will do anything for them. And on one ordinary night, she just disappeared. Nowhere to be found, I looked for many times and did not find a trace of her, and to the day I haven't seen her since, it is sad she left without a good bye, a letter, nothing. But I realized that on top off that she wasn't mine...