Secret Love for my dear friend :'(

Jilyhen

Hi please read this story, it's a bit long but when you read it I know you can relate with it..The story starts during our first year High School day.
It was our first day of class during first year high school day when I first met him, I keep on staring at him and I never saw him glance at me even once. Everyday in our high school days was fun and exciting for me, there was a time when our teacher assigned us to our permanent sitting arrangement, He was on my side and I was on his side too. He smiled at me and talked to me, he keeps on saying things that I never knew he will share it with me, we laugh together as if we were the only person inside the classroom, honestly, I never expected that to happen.
As day goes by the feeling of wanting him grow, it feels like I want him to talk with me every hour, I want him to be with me during break time, I want him to be with me during my darkest hours and wipe my tears when I'm crying, I want him to be the first guy to greet me good morning and to be the last guy to say goodnight to me but all that wants didn't happen.

During prom night, I waited for him to ask me dance, I waited for him to lend me his coat but he didn't but I never mind it. During the prom I saw him danced with the girl he keeps on talking about, I saw his starlight smile that would made me melt if he just show it to me, I saw his eyes stared for long with the girl's eye, I saw him dancing with the girl of his dream romantically as if there are no other girls in the prom, he hold his waist sweetly like a gentlemen, he smiled at her lovely like a superhero in a love scene and he lend his coat as if he was the girl's savior in times of coldness, when i saw all that I don't know what to do, I feel like I want to stop the music and take his hands to the girl's waist but I didn't do all that instead I sit on my chair as if I dumped in a trash can and a tear fell from my eye, my heart is tearing apart that moment but I still manage to talk to him and say "WOW, you definitely look good together" and I smile even though I was thinking that we look much good together.

During Graduation day I wanted to hug him and greet him a congratulation but I was too shy to do it, I just give him a sweet friendly smile and I turned my back immediately.
During college years were still on the same school but with different courses and different group of friends, we still talk but not that much, sometimes we have our friendly date with some of our high school friends, we sometimes brag jokes like we were in high school and still I keep on pretending that he looks like an odd to me and sometimes I snob his funny jokes, and I keep on telling him that he looks like a gay to me even though in his simplest gesture he could make me fly like an angel. It's all because I don't want him to know how I wanted him so much,how badly in love i was for him and I don't want him to know that I secretly love him because he might not love me back the way I love him.
He graduated college with a associate course and continue his life and me, I'm still hoping for his deep love in return. As day passes by in my college life I miss going to school early just to see his face, I miss staring at him in the classroom, I miss his loud voice that would made me feel deeply in love and most especially I miss him in my college life.

I know someday I can confess him all my love and my hurts for him, time will come and someday he'll know this secret feelings of mine, my secret love and secret admiration for him for almost 8 years now.
Now in our present life I'm a graduating student with a degree, we still have our friendly date with some friends, we still keeps on bragging jokes like high school, he tells me his secrets and he always make me fall over and over again and sometimes made me cry on his secrets. I know it's part of life to fall for someone who want you just to be a friend and would not want your friendship to go beyond.

I hope you relate with my story, I don't know if when will I tell him my secret feelings because I'm scared that he might hate me for not telling it or He might not want me to be his friend anymore if he knew.. :'(