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02 Sep, 2011 09:34 PM

This is the story of a little girl who to this day can't find it in her to trust people. Here's why:

This girl's parents used to fight a lot. They'd get really mad and they'd throw things and shout and stomp around. They didn't care who they pushed out of the way when they stomped by, even if it was their 7 year old daughter crying cuz' her knee was bleeding and she needed it fixed. They didn't notice that the corner they had just thrown that plate into out of fury already had a little girl crying in it. They didn't care that she had been having nightmares and wanted someone to hug her. They just hated each other, their jobs,their house, and everything else in their worlds. And guess who was always there in between? Her. Sure, she have two little brothers, but 4-year-olds don't get why mommy and daddy are shouting, and they grow quite used to it after a time. But sissy had a home, a nice, wonderful home where she had homemade breakfast every day and two grandparents who loved her and was friends with every kid in her grade. If she wanted to play Pokemon with the boys, she would. If she wanted to play ballerina with the popular girls, she was one of them and she could.
Until her mother decided that her grandparents were trying to run their lives and moved 200 some miles away. That little girl was ripped from all the familiar things in her life, the friends and extended family who always made sure she was taken care of, and not just a mom who only looked after her when it suited her. The new kids in this new town did not like her, and she did not like them much because of how they treated her. She had a wonderful thing called values, and these children did not fit in to what she had been taught was good. The girl's mother and father fought, and she only had no one who listen to her talk about it. They only spoke of shallow, petty things like their clothes of their friends( they said very bad things, and only when those people weren't there.) According to the little girl, this was wrong. So she didn't participate in the drama, instead seeking to fix the problem, and becoming a mediator and psychiatrist for the children in her school. When new kids showed up in fourth grade, our little girl met a very nice girl named Lany who also thought talking about other people was wrong. Then fifth grade.
In fifth grade, the small world that our little girl(under the circumstances, let's call her Rachael) had built of her few friends and the books that she read and the stories she imagined, came a-crashing down into reality due to divorce. Her father had done the unthinkable: cheat. With her mother's best friend and co-worker. Rachael's mother, who was depressed and distraught, attempted suicide by OD-ing on prescription pills. Rachael fell into another of her own worlds, unable to fully comprehend what had happened and wanting to hate her mother because her daddy had done nothing wrong that she had seen;however her mother had done a very bad thing in front of Rachael, so she could hate her. The cheating best friend and Rachael's daddy pretended like they cared about Rachael. They promised to get her away far her now abusive mommy and make sure she didn't hurt Rachael or her brothers anymore. But all those promises fell through. Rachael's daddy left the cheating woman, and slowly Rachael grew an unhealthy hate for him. Rachael hated her mother for putting her through that, her father for lying and causing all this, and her classmates for making fun of her and her mom. Lany, her one friend, had unwittingly fallen into the clutches of popularity. Rachael had no one to talk to about these problems, so she built herself a new world, where she was safe and every threat was easy to see and easy to fight. By the end of fifth grade, Rachael had no real friends and relied on her only friends, the only in her head, the ones who only dances for her eyes, not quite imaginary, but very much not seen by anyone else. These friends were always with her, telling her bad bad things and dancing to distract her. There was one though. He was a boy her age and if she talked to him the voices stopped. His name was angel. At the start of sixth grade Rachael came out of her safe world just a bit. She gained a few trustworthy friends, gained distinct knowledge of her enemies and friends, and best of all, a strange type of ability. She had sat on the sidelines and watched how different people acted in different situations. She and angel had many silent conversations about what someone was thinking or how they would react. It became a knack of hers. she and her friends were together until seventh grade, when the student sharing program that their 2 schools had (Rachael in one school, all her friends in the other) was terminated and they all went their separate ways. The voices in Rachael's head became even more prominent, and so had angel.
Rachael has found a way to stop the voices, but never angel. Indeed, she has scars to prove that she's done it, and she will do it again. The voice tell her horrible things she tries to forget, and tell her to kill herself. Rachael finds it hard to trust anyone except angel and maybe her uncle, who'd had even worse problems as a child. Today she is what they would consider "emo", wearing dark colors that always express her mood, dying her hair black so that the wacky tones smoothed out, and reading alot. She is very strange, and hides her depression best as she can.

If you have not yet figures out that I am Rachael, then I'll tell you now that I am. This is my unfortunate life's story, and it continues today. I finally am able to share it, a thing I have not been able to say for awhile. Thank for reading all the way to the end.


Tags: Sad, Childhood
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Chad says:
11 Dec, 2011 11:43 AM

I hope you know that you are a great person...sometimes others have a hard time seeing these things...stay strong keep writing and learning.

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Ale says:
11 Dec, 2011 04:43 PM

If u wanna talk or something contact me.. at least I'm good at listening.. take care sweetie.. :)

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Ale says:
11 Dec, 2011 04:44 PM

If u wanna talk or something contact me.. at least I'm good at listening.. take care sweetie.. :)

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omg says:
15 Dec, 2011 03:22 PM


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jess says:
16 Dec, 2011 02:23 AM

thats really sad o:

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Sophie says:
16 Dec, 2011 11:01 PM

Thanks to everyone who comments. It makes me happy that even for a few seconds you guys think about me. <3

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karishma says:
17 Dec, 2011 07:44 AM

Im very touched but this story gives me strength.. I wish you luck all your life

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Sarah says:
18 Dec, 2011 07:45 PM

I'm sorry to you and to everyone who has to go through life feeling like this. I was the same way for years I went through similar things. I just hope you know there will be opportunities in your life to help you get over what has happen in your past and move on. I hope in the end you don't let your past affect your future. All you need is some hope and the want to make yourself happy. Take care sweetheart.

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D.R. says:
22 Dec, 2011 07:46 AM

I'm sorry what you have to past in your childhood. well,...I didn't past the something but I past almost the samething. I'm just 13year old but it seen to me that I'm not only one that past and sometime pasting. I know that God was with you. You know that God is everything?, he is owr father,friend,and that he love use so much then owr father or mother or brother...whoever,but his love is so great.This remain me were in Psalm 40:1-3;it say...

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.

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Amy says:
24 Dec, 2011 08:22 PM

This is really sad, i hope you find alot of happiness in the future. I hope one day you can move on and start a life where you don't think of the bad phase of your life. Take care.

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Juliann says:
27 Dec, 2011 02:55 PM

I will keep you in my prayers

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Jessica says:
30 Dec, 2011 07:02 PM

Don't ever think your alone.

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weml says:
01 Jan, 2012 11:23 AM


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nick says:
18 Feb, 2012 07:22 PM

don't listen to those lies from the devil! i haven't experienced this particular life, but i know how it can end. you can either listen to the lies, or you can believe in the only One who truly cares about you! Jesus! he will take all your problems! He saved me from committing suicide! If you want to talk,! peace!

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secret says:
04 Jun, 2012 12:01 AM

i'm not allowed to be emailing cause of other issues, but i ask you one favor. be your brother's bff. tell them ur problems. stop dying your hair. wear white, a symbol of hope. white will bring hope in your life. see if you can move to another place and make new friends there. buy a bunch of pillows. instead of hurting yourself though your anger on the pillows and fix it. when you fix it it will help you fix your own problems.

i care for you. i know what it feels like. even though this isn't just one favor, it will help bring happiness.

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