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20 Mar, 2010 07:25 PM

6th Grade
Ms. Gillis, my sixth grade teacher, was taking attendance as the
counselor and a new student walked into the classroom.
"Hello, Ms. Hunt!" Ms Gillis said happily.
"Hi, Ms Gillis. Hi class. This is your brand new student, Matthew."
Ms. Hunt said as she motioned towards Matt.
"Well, hello there Matt. My name is Ms. Gillis. I will be your sixth grade teacher for this year."
Ms. Gillis smiled as she greeted Matt with ease. Matt just looked at everyone with a nervous grin on his face. I thought he was cute. I loved his brown eyes and his hair was just perfect. There was nothing that could make me stop liking him.

There was an empty desk next to me and I prayed as hard as I could so that Ms. Gillis would seat him next to me. Ms. Gillis was smart. She sat him next to me and I was so happy. He sat there in silence, examining everyone as if he was in a classroom with a bunch of aliens. I laughed to myself and I couldn't keep myself from looking over at him. It seemed as if he ignored me when I looked at him. But it wasn't too long until Ms. Gillis
asked me if I would be the person to show Matt around the classroom and the school. I gladly accepted.

That day, I had showed him everything at school. The lunchroom, the playground, when we have recess and lunch, what our daily schedule was, and lastly, introduced everyone in our class to him. He seemed more comfortable around me then anybody else. I was so glad that Ms. Gillis chose me to be his "Tour Guide".

Throughtout the sixth grade year, Matt and I grew very close. And before I knew it, we became very close friends. I couldn't even believe it. We were probably one of the closest guy/girl friends in the sixth grade. At least I thought so. We hung out everyday and I knew that I would never forget him and those good times we had together. Then, came the worst day of my entire life:


Everyone was saying "goodbye" and "see you next year" to each other. But I was saying the worst thing that I could ever imagine saying to a guy that I had a major crush on.
"Well, goodbye....forever. I will miss you so much." I said to Matt. Matt replied, "I wish I wouldn't have to move away, but I have no choice." It really sounded like we were boyfriend and girlfriend..but we weren't. We were just the best of friends. And watching him leave was the hardest thing that I ever dealt with. We hugged for the last time and I went home crying my eyes out.

I got home and my parents were concerned. I told them that it was nothing and that I was just so sad to leave my friends. They believed me. But over the years after sixth grade, he never left my heart. I kept him in there forever and always. But I thought that I would never see him again..ever. Or so I thought.

(The next few years passed...)

On the first day of tenth grade, I walked into 3rd period and saw a guy who looked oddly familiar. Although I thought it was nobody that I knew, I still kept my eye on him. After the next few weeks, I finally realized that it was him. He was back. And he was back for me.

Matthew was back. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was speechless and starstruck. To this day, I have no idea why I was so mesmerized by him on that day. Cupid probably paid me a visit that day and shot an arrow in my butt. But he was back. And that was all that mattered. I could keep my crush on him and never let him go.

A few months passed, and I still didn't make a move. But my feelings for him got stronger and stronger as the days went by. I haven't even talked to him since the last day of sixth grade. And I didn't think that I ever would. I did eventually, but we never caught up with each other. But I hope to soon. I want to know what is going on in his life. I mean, we haven't seen each other in 4 years. He's had 3 girlfriends so far since he's been back. But I wasn't any of them. But I hope to be one someday.

But I'm in love with him so much. And he doesn't even realize it. He doesn't love me back. He doesn't know how much I love him. He doesn't know how much he means to me. And he never will. Until that day. That tragic day of my entire life. My friends asked him to be my boyfriend. And they asked him when I wasn't ready and without my permission.

My friends came up to me and hugged me as tight as they could and told me that they love me with all my heart and they would never stop. I was confused because that was really random.
One of my good friends, Bria, said, "Matt said no." while giving me a hug. I asked, "What did you guys do?" They looked at me with guilty faces and little did I realize that I just got rejected by the love of my life. I went home crushed and cried all night. I even cried myself to sleep.

Now Matt will never know that I loved him for him. He will never know how hard I fell for him. He will never know how strong my feelings were for him. He will never know what true love is. And that's exactly what I felt for him. True love. And to me, true love is when you love someone deeply and love them as much as you can without letting them go. But Matt will never learn that. He will never know what true love is.

Matt has never gotten rejected. At least not at our school. So, it will be easy for him to reject others. I've rejected many other guys in my past years. But that's because I have never felt rejection. Now I know...and it's absolutely terrible.

Now I'm just going to have to forgive and forget. FORGIVE myself for being stupid and even have feelings for him and FORGET that he ever existed. And what's worse, is that we weren't even together and he still broke my heart. I lost his love forever..or he just didn't love me at all. Now I ask myself, "Why won't he love me?"

Tags: Unloved, Love, Sad
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roora says:
21 Mar, 2010 02:31 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss and I really know what you're going through .. But maybe he thought your friends were fooling him because you didn't say it yourself. Anyways, be strong and if he never loved you back it's his loss!

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SmithstaaSister says:
22 Mar, 2010 02:22 PM

I know exactly what you're going though. I've been through something similar myself. Just remember, stay strong and don't spend you're life wondering what if!

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Lilly says:
24 Mar, 2010 11:52 AM

Hey, that happened to me last year and you know it is hurtful and I am sorry for you. But if they were yours once and you know whats going to happen if they aren't yours again keep them and never let them go anywhere. I wish I would've done that.

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Holly says:
19 Oct, 2011 09:58 AM

He is stupid not to go out with you.!!! WHAT A JERKK.!! FInd a dude and make him jelious.:) Hope you get your man:)

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