I miss you.04 Aug, 2016 03:19 AM
They first met at his friends party. He had originally planned not to attend but thankfully he did. That day would change him forever... When he first saw her it was love at first sight. She was breath takingly beautiful in every aspect. He had developed a crush within an instant.
At the party they did multiple things as a group such as sit around talking, go to the movies and even went to a restaurant. Not once however, had he given his attention to any other person the entire night. He enjoyed her company, they would laugh together and to his surprise she asked for his number. He gave it and they started texting eachother the next day.
Two days later, while it seemed as though he were in a rush he had asked her out and she had said yes! At first their relationship was slightly awkward at best. Often they ended up with awkward silences while meeting up after school. These meetings unfortunately were held in relative secret as her parents did not condone dating as she was in grade 9.
Soon however the awkward silences ended and they would talk about anything, whether it be school or friends that neither of them knew much about because they went to different schools.
Two weeks in she had kissed him. To him it was unexpected, but then again she was the type to go head first and hope for the best. He loved this about her.
One month into the relationship he had decided, he loved this girl. She meant so much to him and he would make sure she knew it. So he bought her a heart shaped pendant as a celebration for being together for one month. Unfortunately once again she beat him to the punch, telling him that she loved him.
4 months later. They had their first fight. It was something that wasn't anyones fault really. She had gone away for a week to a camp 3 weeks prior to the ordeal and someone had kissed her. She of course didn't share the persons feelings however was afraid to tell her love what had happened.
However, 3 weeks later she mustered the courage to tell him. Reassuring him over and over again that she did not indeed wish for what had happened at all. He was of course upset. Not at her but it was hard for him to deal with this as he had never really done so. After a few days he decided that in the end. She still chose him and he should trust her.
1 and a half years into their relationship. They were struggling. To both of them it seemed that while the loce for eachother was there. Something was missing and something was wrong. She had suggested a break. While he was heartbroken at the thought he agreed. And thus they spent a month with no contact. Until one day she contacted him. She asked him to meet her at her house after school. The meeting was at first awkward. Both of them unsure of what to say. Both believeing that they were there to end it officially. However, they embraced eachother for a moment. And as they did all their emotions came rushing in at once. The boy started to shake from grief. Suddenly agraid of ever losing the love of his life that stood before him. They looked eachother in the eyes and held eachothers gazes for a moment until their lips met and they kissed eachother passionately for what felt like hours. No words exchanged until the end of that kiss. "I Love You." Both seemed to say it in unison and the three words echoed in their heads afterwards.
Thus they talked to eachother. Worling out all the problems that they had previously kept quiet about and their relationship continued.
However 5 months later the girl seemed...distant. He would ask what was wrong and she would tell him nothing until one day as they lay there in his bed. She turned to him with tears in her eyes. This broke the boy beyond belief. Knowing that he was most likely the cause though he did not know why. So he omce again asked what was wrong. She replied with "nothing" and continued to cry silently into his chest for a few moments. Soon however she looked up at him. Still crying silently as if in great pain. She asked him if he loved her. He responded by kissing her forehead and repeated words of care and love to her. She then asked him if there was someone else, of which he firmly denied. As the idea had never even crossed his mind. She asked him if someone from his school meant anything to him, if he were cheating on her with this girl. The girl she mentioned, to him was nothing more than a friend. Apparantly someone had seen him and this friend walking to the store after school one day and began to spread rumours. He of course denied such things immediately. Repeating over and over that he loved her and would never betray her. But...she could not bring herself to believe him.
Despite this they tried to keep everything together. Meeting as often as they could and spending time together whether alone or surrounded by others. She was a cyclist and had races early in the morning on weekends and he would try his best to be there for her. He wasn't a very loud supporter, being somewhat self conscious but he hoped that being there for her to silently cheer her on during the race was emough. After every race he would tell her how great she did. How he could tell she gave her all for the sport she loved and would tell her that he loved her and repeat how proud he was.
2 years into the relationship he was clearly sure. Sure that this was the girl for him and that he wished to marry this girl. They would have to wait until they were both of age first for obvious reasons him being 17 and her being 16 but to him that was okay. She however grew distant again.
One day she began to cry in his arms. He asked her why and she told him it was because she was afraid. Confused and worried he asked what she was afraid of. She told him she was worried about what would happen when he left for university, only having a year left together before he travelled. While it was unsure for both of them he was sure that he would love her nonmatter what, whereas she was worried he would find someone else, or she would think of how much she would miss him. He had of course been thinking of these things too. Even going as far as to suggest taking a gap year to his parents and then they could go off together.
He told her not to worry, that he couldn't possibly find someone that he cared for more than her. That she meant the world and more to him. He truly did love her beyond sometimes even his own imagining. Howevet she was doubtful of this, still shooken up slightly from the previous incidents that had occured during the relationship however the decided to enjoy their summer together to the fullest before he entered senior year.
At the beginning of his senior year everything was going well. They met often and things were looking up. Until the school counseller held a meeting with him and his parents. His grades had been dropping, for rrasons he did not know but he realised if he wanted to go to the university the girl strived to get into he would have to improve. He told her of this. Telling her that he couldn't spend as much time with her as he would like because he needed to study. This continued for a month and his grades had steadily been improving to where they needed to be.
However the girl had been hurt. Believeing he did not wish to spend time with her and that he no.longer cared for or loved her. So one day she proposed a break again. He was once again heart broken by the idea. She had told him that it was to ensure both their grades stayed on track, however this wasn't the case. They met one last time before their break began, in which she had shed tears of sadness that hurt his heart to see.
A week had passed, he had attempted to talk to her, asking if they could meet up and possibly ckntinue their relationship, however she had said she was not ready. Soon after he heard stories of her meeting with another boy. And that the two would often show up to school together and eventually walked into school with marks showing exactly what had been going on. Hearing this from a friend the the boy was heart broken. Feeling nothing but emptiness. He fell intk a depression. Wishing nothing more than for the girl to return. Eventually a month after the initial break he would text her, asking to meet. She had responded, stating that she had to return a jacket that he had left at her house and therefore the meeting was set.
He arrived at her house shortly before her after school. All the while wondering how she would act around him, if she would act cold or lovingly, or even just friendly. He dreaded over these thoughts and kthers for what felt like hours but was only minutes before she arrived. Having not seen her for a month he felt of a rush of emotions upon her arrival. Wanting nothing more than to break down, drop to his knees and cry but also to run to her and embrace her. He did the latter. She hugged him back and they went into the house. He was afraid of what would happen but no matter ehat he told himself that he would try to convince her, somehow or someway, he would convince her to take him back. He missed her. He had missed her for what felt like an eternity but what had actually only been a month. She fetched his jacket and handed it to him. She then proceeded to embrace him. This action of hers gave him hope. Something he needed after all the time he had spent away from her.
So...he was going to ask her, beg her to take him back. All the while hoping thag he would get his feelings returned... Then he heard crying. He looked down to notice the girls shoulders shaking and felt the warm but dreadful feeling of tears on his shirt. She cried for what felt like ages. As he stood their, his arms wrapped around her and telling her everything would be okay. Until she spoke. And these words would change everything.
"I can't take it anymore."
He was confused. What couldn't she take anymore. And then a thought crossed his mind. Had weaseled its way passed all the other commotion that had been going on within him for the time she spent away from him. Maybe...she was tired of him. Maybe...it was that she could no longer stand him. Maybe...he no longer loved him. This broke him...this froze his heart before he could even realise. And at that moment any words he had thought of to say to his love died in his throught along with a large piece of himself. A piece of himself that he had omly gained 2 and a half years prior but what felt like belonged there since his first day. He had hurt her. Upon this realization he could nomlonger bring himself to ask for forgiveness for he did not believe he deserved such a thing. Despite his love for her..which had still to that day been overwhelming in almost every aspect of his life. He could not bring himself to hurt her anymore. He thought that having made her let out such painful emotions that brought her to tears was enough of a sign that she should have nothing to do with him any longer. That he should let her go.
So he responded with what he thought was true but would turn out to be the biggest lie he had told in his life.
A few moments later they broke their embrace. Gazed into eachothers eyes and said their goodbyes before parting ways. To this day he would regret that decision. The girl he loced and lost meant more to him than he could possibly realise until she had moved on.
So with this. I say farewell to the girl I had so much love and affection for. And I hope she reads this one day and notices that she has always had a special part in my heart.
I love and miss you T, so so much. And thank you so much for everything.