.....22 Apr, 2013 01:59 PM
To start from the beginning is a understatement. My sad story starts from a young age and continues with me until now. My family always wanted the best for me, so you could say, their rules and restrictions were for my own benefit. I grew up in a religious family and was taught that education was my primary focus in life, So I attended a religious all girls school. I was taught that there were no such things as 'guy' friends, and they only wanted one thing, etc. I was shielded. I had two elder brothers that monitored my every move, even as they attended the all boys school neighboring mine. My short time in the girls school was a breeze, I was focused and determined, but that would all change eventually.
Senior school was upon me now, but their was a change, my school would now be integrated as we got older and that's when it started. It felt weird at first, seeing the boys run across the playground and play footy. At first I didn't talk to any guy, but eventually I eased into with eagerness and excitement. Never, did I feel anything with the guys at all. Friends, just friends. It was the day I met Clayton and for the first time EVER, I'm actually going to say, that I fallen for him. He was my brothers friend, but out of every single one of the boys at my school, he didn't recognize me as "J's sis" but as me. The first time I spoke to him, was on the bus to ice skating, and we started a conversation over how I had never been Ice-skating. When we got to the venue, he seemed to hover around me and I think I hovered around him too. He had his friends tho, and I had mine, but for some unknown reason, we could catch eyes for a split second, but I would look away, cause in the back of my head I knew it was wrong. So as a gripped the side of the ring for dear life, he would ease around on his skates with his friends, until he saw me and came over. He offered his hand to me, and just as I was about to take it, he pulled away and smiled and continued to skate. We didn't talk for the rest of the day.
Our conversations grew longer, and more detailed over a time period, and when we spoke it felt like it was just him and me. I would purposely walk to class, just as the bell went, cause we would cross paths eventually, as I turned my head one day, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him running towards me with his bag,just to catch up to me, it would only be us in the corridor and we liked it like that. Over a period of time, people began to see a pattern with us, girls started to notice how much time I spent with him and for some reason it became a interesting topic of conversation. Still it didn't bother me, nor him. For some reason, neither of us made a move on each other, but our flirtations were so frequent that we knew there was a fling and so did others. He would walk me to class, sit next me without a second thought, our fingers touching, but out of sight from eyes. We would stare at each other, he would smile and bite his lip and all I could do was smile..
Things got weird at home. Bringing up Clayton's name in my household was suicidal, But we were the talk of the school, so my brother got wind of it. My phone was taken, so was my laptop, apparently for precautionary matters. I was told to not to talk to him, to stay away and focus on what matters most as examinations were brewing. Under the watchful eye of my brother, my interaction with Clayton grew less and less. The worst part is, I missed him, every single day I saw him, I missed him more,still he would smile at me and try to talk, but I knew I could't. His friends told me, he thought I was blowing him off, and that hurt too, but I cared for him and that I missed him.
Rumors started to spread. Rumors that people said that I said about me and Clayton. Then it got weird. My friends knew that they weren't true, and that I wouldn't start something about him. It was bad. We didn't talk for the rest of the school year. I would walk past him and he wouldn't look at me and I wouldn't look at him. I was angry at him, because he believed what people were saying, and it was frustrating. As time went by, slowly pictures of him with another girl started to surface on facebook and bit by bit i felt a physical and emotional pain in my heart. I didn't know what it was, it would hurt and hurt every time I saw him.
We didn't talk until graduation, as the rumors had finally died. Formal night had arrived. As I arrived at the venue, the first person I saw was Clayton. Instinctively I walked up to him, he smiled and we had our first conversation we had in a very long time. He was partners with the girl he had been 'seeing' for the past few weeks, but I can honestly say it was just really nice to talk to him again. Throughout the night, we would pose together for photo's and he seemed to be spending more time with me than anyone else, all of a sudden his hand reached for mine and he looked straight into my eyes, and said " I missed you' and let go. The rest of the night, we stayed close to each other, but I knew the feelings he had for this girl were strong, and who was I to try and take him away from her.
As the night ended, I knew for a fact I wouldn't see him again. It was finally time to say goodbye, We hugged for ages, just holding each other the dark lights on the dance floor. My head rested on his shoulder and for some reason I cried, clayton didn't say anything, but held me, he pulled me to face him, and wiped my face with his fingers, his eyes seemed to be glistening too. I kissed him on the cheek, lingered for a moment and headed for the door, and didn't look back. I felt my heart sink, and all I wanted to do was run back inside and feel his arms around me. I owed it to him and the girl he was seeing, to just leave. I haven't seen him since.