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Empty me

Marilou

24 Nov, 2012 09:15 AM

Some people believe in dreams,in wishes,in unconditional love or in love with the first sight. I used to be one of those people. But I'm not anymore. I used to live in a world full of magic a world that none can possibly hurt me. A world completely safe for me and my heart. I was a dreamer and none or nothing could take away my dreams ,my hopes. I was perfectly happy in this situation, I was perfectly safe. I was keeping my distance from everyone. I was building huge walls around me so none can come and get me from my world , my reality , my safety and then suddenly you show up. You brought confusion in my life. But it was a sweet confusion. We were having good time together. I shared my dreams, my hopes with you. And little by little you took everything from me. I didn't get it because I was blind....I was in love. I was so foolish that for a while I actually believed that you love me..that you were in love with me. I thought that you were feeling the same way I did. No, that was another dream of my imagination or maybe a nightmare.I woke up and none was there next to me.

You disappeared. Just like that without a goodbye,without an explanation. You played with my feelings and you broke my heart into tiny million peaces.I can't sleep,I can't dream,I can't hope.I am wondering around the streets alone. I lost my way, I lost my soul. You stole it. But still after all those things you did to me I still love you. I still die for you. I still give everything just to have you back. I am screaming at the top of my voice that I want a second chance. I want a second chance to make the same sweet mistake again. I am in my cold dark room. Once again I cannot breath. My pretty pink happy world fell apart. Now there is only dark and nothing more. All those memories they are killing me slowly from inside to out. How could you be so heartless? I am faking a smile, a laugh to my friends so they can think that I'm fine, That everything is ok. Well it's not. Then I'm here again in my destroyed world. In my cold dark room. Suffering,crying,bleeding. I'm empty. I loved you more than you deserve so you hurt me more than I can stand. How can I ever love again? I'm so tired. So week.Your presence is still here and the pain is killing me. You have my heart,my mind,my dreams, my hopes my everything, You have the whole me. My wounds are so real. When are they going to heal? Will they? I've tried so hard to realize that you're gone. That you will never come back again and that I have to move on. But unfortunately I'm a terrible liar. You have all of me and I'm empty inside. The dark and the black is my personality now.

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jasmin says:
16 Feb, 2013 09:55 PM

I know what you are going through..i know exactly what you are feeling..life is all about learning from our mistakes...which means we must not give up on life after just one mistake..i'm currently going through the same thing as you..i loved/love him so much that it hurts real bad to breathe..the pain has just built up in my heart that it hurts so much to live..i know what u are feeling...trust me..love isn't everything at least not now to us..bcuz we finally experienced the pain we get in return...but we know truly in our hearts that, that one person who caused us all this pain was once upon our everything...i bet we can go on with our lives based on that..those memories we have with us from those we loved once upon a time....you will have to go on with your life, to see what you are destined to see..and to get the love you deserve..this was just a test of love..keep going with your life and show the world how strong of a person you truly are :) i wish you all the best..may you find your true soul mate..

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mylyn says:
19 Feb, 2013 03:36 AM

ahay:(

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sonika says:
22 Feb, 2013 07:19 AM

i am sorry about tht i cn nt understand thz well bt i cn amagn. wish u al
the best gud luck and move on in ur life

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Phil says:
25 Feb, 2013 11:17 AM

I can really relate to your imaginary world, your dreams and the illusion your mind puts in your head. My ex did similar things to me and my life. I was with her for four years she was my first true love and my high school sweet heart. I did everything for her and she was my everything. I had walls, big ones too. Mainly because in my younger years I once got a little taste of what it felt like to be in love, have your heart broken and I just never wanted that to ever happen to me again. So I continued my life camped behind the big walls I have set up. Not letting anyone no matter who get through to the other side. Some have came and tried but there was just no way around them. Then one day she came along and those walls, everything I believed about love and how I wanted to carry myself for the rest of my life came crashing down. To skip to the end (4years later) the love didn't last. My wonderful dream became a nightmare and she was gone. I spent everyday for 4 years with her,even lived with together and she was gone faster then a blink of the eye. I don't see her, I don't talk to her she disappeared in the night like someone came and took her away from me. Ecstasy for four years and in one night I was forced to go could turkey. It happened so fast I jokingly think to myself was she ever really there or did I just make her up haha. I never thought I could live without her but here I am. Reading what you wrote reminded me of myself so all I can tell you is what I did when faced with similar horrors. Be with your friends, grab a bottle of vodka and talk it out with your best friends, go out party take some shots and find your dreams that are lost to you and do you.

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ila says:
21 Apr, 2013 01:06 AM

your story has braught tears to my eyes, the love of my life has just broken my heart and has smashed all my dreams. Reading your story made me feel like i was looking into my own broken heart, my now dark soul and dark life. I wish you the best, and hope you find someone who trully deserves you, who wont break your heart, who will charish you, love you and never let you go!

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octavio says:
05 Jun, 2013 04:39 AM

Sometimes life is not as we think


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