Chris part 308 Apr, 2018 07:39 AM
Well Chris and I have had the worst and best relationship ever, but this night I believe for myself was the final straw. And before I get into it I realize I had choices to make and I couldve made the right ones but I'll explain...
Just this last night,Chris and his girlfriend picked me up,and this was the most awkward the most stomach dropping car ride,well he made me do stuff to his girlfriend and I felt so uncomfortable and felt so sick to my stomach from doing that. I hated him more and more as the night went on. We went to the casino which I love going there and having fun but this wasn't fun.
I couldn't be near him,I couldn't really talk to him, I couldn't walk next to him,I had to walk behind him. And what was going through my mind at this time was Bella what are you doing. Why are you doing this to yourself. I just felt more and more sick. And we ended up leaving and Chris had pulled over and we slept in the car for a couple hours and then he drove back to his house.
It's about 5 am at this point and he trys to have sex with me and I told him no and he kept pressuring me and I kept telling him no so he ended up having sex with her. And I'm laying there feeling completely numb and just crying very quietly and then we all went to sleep. I wake up before they do and I'm staring at the window freezing because they took all the blankets. And then Chris woke up and so did she. She goes to take a shower and he trys to have sex with me and I told him no. And so he goes in there with her to shower and my stomach is dropping more and more.
They were acting like such a happy couple and I just was screaming on the inside and I was just hating him more and more inside. I told him he needed to take me home. So they get ready and we head to take me home and they are blasting music singing to each other and it just made me have flashbacks of when me and him use to do that. And I start thinking about how could he do this to me. How could he put me in this situation and be okay with it.
I know I'm a grown adult but it still hurt knowing that he did that to me. And then they dropped me off he acted like it was no big deal. And I just honestly feel so used and feel like I'm worth so much more than this. First Mike cheated then Chris and then Chris puts me in this situation. But it's also my choice on what I choose to do.
I keep hurting myself knowing that what's going on isn't okay but I honestly thought I loved him. I thought I loved mike. And I still do love him. All I kept thinking about last night was Mike. And Chris was irrevalant to me. He keeps feeding me these lies that will never ever come true.