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Dear ex boyfriend

Tek

30 Jul, 2011 12:54 PM

Dear Ex boyfriend,

I broke up with you once and I still loved you. And it was more painful than I ever thought.

I thought I could get over you quickly by blocking communications with you, and ignoring you. But when you sent that text, I thought you cared, but you wanted ME to make the first moves to talk to you again. Now why would I put my time and effort into that, knowing I?m going to get a response that will fuel my with anger??

So yeah you cared, but you only cared because you wanted me to message you to somehow make it better for you, am I right? I can only assume from past experience. I know how self absorbed you are, you only cared about YOUR feelings. Not mine. You pretended to care about my feelings, at the time we were going out. I fell for the illusion. I loved you so much that I just wanted you to be happy, because that made me so happy! And when you were the slightest bit sad I got so, so sad. I was always overwhelmed in emotion for you, because I loved you. You don?t deserve my love, and I don?t deserve to be put in overwhelming emotions of pain because of you. My heart literally feels like it has disappeared. An empty hole in my heart.

So I ignored you. It?s been about 3 months we have completely ignored each other. And after the holidays, of having a complete break from you, I saw you again at school. You had changed once again, another piercing, different haircut, and oh my you looked like you had even lost weight. I guess that?s because you?re not over at my house being fed a lot of food. I fed you so much because I knew you didn't eat much at home, and I wanted you to be healthy, not sick. When I think of those moments when I gave you food and watched you eat, you were so cute. It made me feel special knowing I was caring for you. And I thought you appreciated what I did, but you didn?t.
Every time I walked past you at school, sat behind you in class, heard your voice and watched you walk, it bought so many emotions. But the biggest emotion, was pure sadness. I was in so much pain, that even the slightest looks at you would put me on the verge of crying. Tears would well up on the brims of my eyes, I would start hyperventilating and my body would start to shake a little, I was nervous you would see my pain. Even if you did see my pain, you wouldn?t care. Never have never will.

When you were going out, you only gave me affection when i gave it to you first, after an argument we had and I said ?you never show me affection first (holding hands etc. etc.) it's always me doing it first!? and you said ?okay I will do it before you do? but you took a while to remember that that?s what you had to do. Then at this point in the relationship I was thinking ?Maybe I?m forcing him to show me affection.? And I was always so doubtful of your love for me. Then I thought ?maybe he does love me, just not enough to want to hug me first, to make the first moves? because he was just?so lazy. He?d always tell me he was too tired to see me, or he had to do things at home which he could have done ages ago. That made me sad, because I was always tired from work and school but I still made the effort to see him because I wanted to!! I loved him. So much.

As I am writing this now I am more and more accepting the fact that you just don?t care about me. The illusions has worn off. And I have now little hope that you would ever care. After we broke up I would keep myself awake at night crying and sobbing and crying more. I would think ?One day he?ll come up to me and say ?I still think about you?? I had hope that you might care. But I was letting myself fall for that illusion again, stupid me.

And every time you said you loved me, it was a lie! That?s what I now realize. You?ll never know what love is. All you did was take my love, but never gave it in return. That?s why you cried when we broke up, that?s why you cut yourself, because I wasn?t going to love you anymore. But I cried and cried every night, I wouldn?t stop thinking about you 24/7 after we broke up, I kept caring about you, I tried making things better by asking you to sit with me because I cared about your feelings, and I went through all this pain because I loved you and I realized, you never loved me or cared EVER! Not one bit. At least you had someone love you, and you didn?t even have to open your heart!! That whole year on our relationship, a waste of time.

I don?t know how you could not love or care about someone who loved you that much. You obviously didn?t have the same feelings for me as I had for you, which was real love. I had passion for you. Maybe I was just a girl to you, who happened to care about you.

I remember the times I would ask you to come over, just to watch TV with me or talk to me. I loved it so much, thinking about it makes me cry, like right now, tears so much tears, never ending tears. You held my hand, I cuddled you, I didn?t want you to leave my side, that made me want to cry. It felt like you cared about me, that you loved me. Maybe you did at that one time? Just a little bit? Or you may have been STARTING to care? Why did it take you so long?? Why is it so easy for you, to not care? To not open your heart?

I might have been able to put up with your flaws if I knew you cared. But they wouldn?t have mattered so much if you loved and cared about me, the way I did for you.

We fought so much, I hated it. It always made me cry. You were always jealous for no reason, like your jealousy was trying to tell me you didn't want me anymore. Your flaws made me angry, you were always ignorant or lazy about something. I did nothing to betray your love. Never even THOUGHT about any other guy, I loved you. I only had feelings for you, you were my love, the one I wanted to be with when I died, I wanted to be the only one who cared for you. I loved you so much, so, so much. And when I think about it, I still care about you. And it sucks. You don?t deserve to be happy after all the hurt you put me through. You don't deserve to be cared for, because you don?t care back. You don't deserve friends, family, anyone. You?re horrible. So, so horrible. You tricked me, without really trying or intending, and I fell for it, hard. And I hate it and I want to live without having any feelings for you, and they will go away soon, I am still waiting for the right guy to love me.
Why couldn?t YOU love me? we?d both be happier if you loved me. But you like it better this way. You will never know what love is and how to love. You will never open your heart, because you?re scared to get hurt. Yet I was not scared, I opened my heart because I couldn?t help it and I wanted to experience love, and you seemed perfect for it at the time.
Oh well. Even after all my hatred for you, I still cry at night thinking of you and I say to myself,

?I wish only happiness to him, for it makes me happy.?

Tags: Broken, Hurt, Love, Breakup
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Amy says:
11 Sep, 2011 08:31 AM

Wow. that was deep. I cam really feel your pain

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Faisal Mahmud says:
11 Sep, 2011 12:04 PM

Sad.I am sad to read such a story.I am in the same situation here.It seems like I am the only one who cares.It feels so one-sided

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eriyahna says:
11 Sep, 2011 05:20 PM

then y did you break up with him

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Amy says:
12 Sep, 2011 06:01 PM

i understand your pain. i felt the same way when i broke up with mine. we got back together but for some reason i feel like its only one-sided. :[

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aditya says:
12 Sep, 2011 10:45 PM

i miss the girl i last broke up with and regret my decision.. m sorrry


p.s. i love you! <3

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vivi says:
13 Sep, 2011 10:24 PM

wow , this almost brought me tears , i'm passing bad cause of my ex, and this is really deep, i felt your words, and how u feel.. love really does hurt ..
although they say 'u deserve better' , or too many words told , no one can take off the pain

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Raghav Koirala says:
14 Sep, 2011 04:18 AM

What a lovely story.......i too have a same case but in this article boy is ignoring. But i am ignored by a girl whome i love so much. Its really painfull......day1c allways love u

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BeLLe says:
14 Sep, 2011 09:53 PM

i had ever been on the same boat..
i used to hate and be eager of avenging..
but when i decided to just get over him, i feel more fresh air i should have taken long before..

and btw girl..
i ensure u..
u do deserve somebody much much more tremendous..
u are worth being cherished..

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libo says:
15 Sep, 2011 01:40 AM

first let me just say i am sorry for what u are going through..but girl dont waste ur tears on someone that doesnt want or love u back..there are plenty of fish in the ocean girlfriend. but but keep in mind that boy don't like to show off their caring emotional and loving sides...its just not part of their manly side or they say..but i feel ur pain just hang in there ur prince charming is on his way to u. i wish u all the best in everything u are trying to do to get over him.

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Rahul Biswas says:
17 Sep, 2011 09:38 PM

Whatver happens,I just hope u emerge a stronger person when all of this is over.....:-)

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SECRETO says:
19 Sep, 2011 01:27 AM

That was really deep and sad :'(

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ali akbar says:
19 Sep, 2011 07:11 AM

the story is really very touching.......no 1 has right to play with someone love. I almost cried while reading the story.
But my question is... Is it a true story?

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Safiyya says:
19 Sep, 2011 12:56 PM

Oh, dats so sad. I hav ever encounterd dats olso.
Somtimz i imagine; how cn people be so brutal? I even had a fight wit my best frnd becoz of d mean, heartles nd selfish boy. She olwayz tel me he'z a cheat bt i nevr listend. I many tymz disobeyd mum nd went out wit him
i luvd him so mch nd never xpected he cul do such 2 me? Y me? Y me of ol ppl? Wat hv i done wrng? Wat hv i done 2 deserv dis? Doz wer d qstnz dat rumble in my mind as i luk at he'z picture.
A broken hrt i hav dat no 1 ever mend xpect hm. So pls i nid ur prayrz 4 i rily luv him nd i wil nevr stop luvin him. Nd i do hop he'l rid dis nd dis wil touch he'z hrt dat 4 once wil knw hw it hurtz

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Safiyya says:
19 Sep, 2011 01:02 PM

Oh, dats rily sad. I felt dissame too. I him mor dan u culd imagine. I even had a fight wit my best friend bcoz of d selfish, heartless, mean-spirited persn
Oh no! How could he do dis 2 me? Wich typ of persn iz dis? Is he realy human? Oh my God?
I was even admitted 2 d hospital wen i found him kissin anglie. Of ol ppl y wuld dis happn 2 me? Y?

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Safiyya says:
19 Sep, 2011 01:02 PM

Oh, dats rily sad. I felt dissame too. I him mor dan u culd imagine. I even had a fight wit my best friend bcoz of d selfish, heartless, mean-spirited persn
Oh no! How could he do dis 2 me? Wich typ of persn iz dis? Is he realy human? Oh my God?
I was even admitted 2 d hospital wen i found him kissin anglie. Of ol ppl y wuld dis happn 2 me? Y?

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nannaboo says:
25 Sep, 2011 04:17 PM

first off u shouldnt say u hate him because hate is a strong word.
forgiveness is for u not the other person he probably was lazy or didnt love like he should have but u will be living in regret an pain the rest of your life if u dont FORGIVE him it might be hard but its for u.
secound you will find that guy one day youll meet a couple of jerks but youll find him . so STOP looking for him he will be right in the destined place where youll meet . STOP doing or showing affection first u might love the guy but aye slow down maybe you went to fast
and third never cry over a boy agina

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cody says:
27 Sep, 2011 11:59 AM

im the guy in the story. And it was a huge mistake!!!! i miss her!!! nothing feels the same

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ThisGirlCan'tLove:[ says:
29 Sep, 2011 03:29 PM

I love you, but there is know way we can love

We are 2 scared to admit it to each other........Well mabey it's me that's the scared one

I heard u are In love again. Head-Over-Heals 4 her,
It is akward because u still Love me,And u just left me, In the rain desperate,
I know u Still have feelings because we spend hours on the phone talking about our day,

I hate myself for even picking up the phone when you call. I just wanna say i love you but i don't know what is holding me back,
You don't even know how i feel about you,
Im not jealous and im not angry. Im.......Im
I can't even explian how i feel about you
because I am no use to exposing my true feeling 4 people
i can't stand how hopeless You and Isis Relationship is
She says she will break up with you but she won't
You would b shocked if you knew what she is saying behind your back.
But you will never understand me u always say that.....But i often wonder how you feel about me.

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Tek says:
12 Oct, 2011 12:50 AM

Thank you for all your comments! (:
I read this now and think to myself, "wow I have changed so much now."

This is a true story and I have become a stronger person XD I was so emotional when I wrote this..

But now I feel nothing for him and it's perfect. I've totally forgotten about him; erased him from my memory. But, I don't really feel anything for anyone anymore.. I'm too scared to get close to anyone else. But I know I'm happier this way, I'd rather be single than have a boyfriend who treats me bad. He was selfish/cocky and somewhat controlling of me.

I'd just like to tell everyone that you should NEVER have to put up with a bad boyfriend, no matter how much you love them.

He should give you your freedom, he should trust you, and he should appreciate you. That's all I could ever ask for in a guy.

xx

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Fawn says:
16 Oct, 2011 07:56 PM

I know how you fell because I'm going through the same thing this very moment<\3

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eveth says:
20 Nov, 2011 07:27 PM

.. wow.. i like the story much.. I could relate myself to the girl who loved her boyfriend much.. nice one..

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nicky says:
22 Nov, 2011 11:13 AM

Its always good to write sth like this when you cant get over a guy who broke up with you. becuase then, you'll be letting out whatever thats in your heart and you can finally move on

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Karina says:
04 Dec, 2011 11:25 PM

This is so beautiful it reminds me a lot of my ex boyfriend and the relationship we had but hang in there girl life can only get better.

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leila says:
08 Dec, 2011 11:53 PM

you still love him but you just instill in your mind the word HATE!!!
why not learn to accept everything and try to forgive him?try it dear...

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J says:
07 Jan, 2012 02:42 AM

OHMYGOD. I FEEL YOU!! gosh same thing's happening here. god, i hate him but yes,just like you i cry all night because of him. oh god i am sorry but i just felt so relieved that i have someone else who experienced this damn same thing.i hope we both given by god someone who's better and love us the way we love our ex.and also may we can forget about him,immediately cause he really is causing pain

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Bhushan says:
12 Jan, 2012 01:29 AM

Really heart touching and sad one....

Though, I'm at the another side of the river, I've the same experience

I'm just broken boy who is not able to concentrate on anything anymore from last 2 months :'(

The girl whom I loved more than anything in this world, for whom I ignored my job, my parents, my friends, my study, my health, my everything, finally left me alone to cry

I begged her, I requested her infinite times to be with me, since I need her a lot, I can't live without her, I just can't imagine my life without my love but she become so brutal and harsh that she even didn't response me

I can't forget her since she was the one who made love, who thought what the love is, what are the emotions and all. She is my first and last love and I'm afraid of getting close to anyone else now. I know that no one can take her place in my mind, in my life. I'll be waiting for her for rest of life :'(

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Chelsea says:
21 Aug, 2013 04:12 PM

I feel you. I am in the same situation here. I always cry at night too because I want him to come back. If I can only turn back time. :(
I love him until now that we've broken apart. I chose to not forget him because the more I tell that I don't love him, the more it deeper my love for him.
I'll wait for him because I love him. :( 04

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kevin says:
11 Apr, 2015 06:19 AM

That's so sad and I wish u find a guy who love u :) and I enjoy reading this sad story

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