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Depression changes everything


02 Sep, 2017 05:53 PM

Its Amazing how much depression can change people, how much it can destroy people.

There was this girl, she was the strongest and most independent woman I have ever met. She had one of those smiles that instantly makes you better. She had eyes that you can see had got through some heavy hardships in life, but now shine the brightest. She was amazing and everyday I spent with her, the more she blew me away. She was easy to get along with, and we became fast friends.

We were each others rock and company throughout a bad career decision and we've been close as family ever since. She knew me better then anyone, as I knew her better then anyone. She was more then just my best friend, she became an integral part of my life. We never were romantically involved, but I never felt the need to be. We were happy with each others company and we knew that we loved each other in ways no one could ever comprehend. I never expected I'd ever lose her... Until she started suffering from a depression.

She started to close up on me, but I thought that was normal at first, thought that she needed space and that she'd let me in eventually. Unfortunately as time went on, our conversations grew shorter and shorter. I tried to help her through it, but every time I tried to get close she'd just push me away. However she started opening up to her online friends, that knowledge stung like hell but.. I was glad that at least she had somebody to talk to. As time went on.. She stopped talking to me all together, ended up learning things on how she's doing from her online friends, who in turn always tell me how she talks to them alot, actually contributes to the conversation and how she is happy talking to them.. "So then why not with me?" I started to wonder. Started to miss her, started to miss our talks, our laughs, ended up spending most of my time just staring at our chats hoping she'd reply to a message I send.

One day I asked her why wasn't she opening up to me, she said its because she only has enough strength to talk to one person about it, It never was me. Another day I asked her why isnt she spending time with me anymore, she said its because she's focusing on herself and only has enough energy for herself, she spends it with her online friends but not with me.

Just yesterday I asked what I am to her.. Why arent we talking anymore, she told me that its what she's become now, that she changed, that if our friendship ends so be it, that asking her to talk to me is like I m trying to mold or force our friendship. When I asked her why she's saying these things.. Why is her depression targetting me.. Why is she treating me like a stranger when we were like a family? She didnt tell me.. She didnt explain anything to me. All I have are questions and What ifs. She just said she confirmed that she needed space for me.. After giving her space for these past 3 months, all she wanted was to do less with me. But I noticed it.. It wasnt space she wanted.. That was it.. That was the end of our friendship.. She didn't want me in her life anymore and I dont know why. I ll never know why.

I guess I m writing this story to try and get it out of my system, but to also say this; Cherish each and every moment with your loved ones, because you never know when you're gonna lose them. I never expected to lose her like this.. But I cant change it now.. I have to learn to live without her now. Depression is the worst poison a person can get.. It changes everything.

I hope you'll live a good life, I hope you'll be happy someday, I really do. I wish that I knew what I could have done and I m sorry that I didnt know. I'll miss you.

Tags: Depression
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Camille Mck says:
16 Oct, 2017 06:57 PM

I love this story

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Celicity says:
17 Oct, 2017 03:27 AM

I'm crying so hard, God I know how you feel, I had a friend who meant everything to me, but she went through depression, and came out a new person. But the truth is we can never stop these things from happening. It's inevitable. So no matter what don't let it get you down. ????

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Ghosh Dastidar Arkoprova says:
06 Nov, 2017 03:03 PM

I can feel ur agony
It is actually depressing for us to accept such treachery

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Jay says:
14 Feb, 2018 11:20 AM

I’m going through the exact same thing right now. My girlfriend of 8 years. We recently bought a house together. We were so happy to start our adult life together as a proper couple, excited for the future. Now her grandad has gone into hospital and may not be with us much longer. She hit depression. She can’t talk to me and barely even looks at me. I try to get close, she pushes me away. I keep my distance and I feel like I’ve already lost her. It feels like only a matter of time before our relationship comes to an end and it’s killing me. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m not living myself. I too feel like I’ve hit depression. The one thing keeping me going is music. A band I recently discovered. Blue October. The vocalist has been through some really tough times and his words calm me. Give me hope. The hope that one day she will pull through and can be her old happy self again and we can both have the future we have always wanted. I’m hanging on, just. But without her, I can’t honestly say what I’ll do.

The awful realisation is that, her depression is not primarily about us; it’s about her grandad and her job that she is not happy in. She too also talks to other people more than me. She feels that this depression is not about us and that I always make it about us, or me. The trouble is, when she distances from me I can’t help but feel like our relationship is at risk and with that on my mind how can I truly be there for her?

Without her, I am lost. We have been apart during our 8 years together once before and it was the most awful 2 months of my life. I had a taste of my life without her since knowing her. Since loving her. And it’s a lonely life. I had a huge empty space that could not be filled by anyone or anything. - I don’t ‘need’ her in my life. Life without her was a struggle but I fought on. But I ‘want’ her there, through everything. Through all life’s high’s and low’s

I love her so much that it hurts. To see her so sad and with it being so long since seeing her pretty smile... I have spilled a lot of words, but nothing comes close to how petrified I am right now

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Jay Hughes says:
17 Feb, 2018 10:40 AM

I fully understand. I’m going through the same thing now with my current girlfriend of 8 years. 8 years is a long time and we have so much going for us. We have just recently bought a house together. Just before Christmas. Our first Christmas in our new house. Everything was going so well. She was so happy and excited for what our future held. But this time last week she all of a sudden hit a depression...

Her grandad is in hospital, and sadly may not be with us much longer. She has already admitted that this is what started her depression but why shut me out? I should be the one person she can talk to, about anything. Instead, all she seems to have is hate and anger towards me whenever I try to show that I love her and care for her. I can’t say or do anything right. Every time I try to be there for her and I admit myself that I’m scared for our relationship she gets angry and accuses me of making this all about myself, as if I’m trying to turn the tables and make her feel sorry what me and what I’m going through with the worry for her. I’m incredibly afraid of losing her. I can’t imagine my life without her. I don’t want a life without her. We have so much going for ourselves with so much more to come.

She hates her job and doesn’t want to get out of bed in the morning because of it. I’m trying to help her with that. I just don’t want her to throw everything away between us because of other things. She has done this before. She regretted it. She missed me and came back to me. We have been so strong ever since. If I try to remind her that she made this mistake once before and I don’t want us going through it again she flies off the handle! Again, says all I care about is myself. That is not true. I’m petrified of losing her and I’m worried about her. Her state of mind. I don’t expect anyone or anything to be able to reassure me and like you, I just want to get this off my chest as I can’t talk to her about it. She shuts me out. I’m so weak at the moment and if I have added to her depression I’d like to know what it is that I’ve done. I hope that it’s not too late

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