My life07 Jun, 2017 07:12 AM
Okay! I'm here to tell all the truth about my life cause yeah why not sometimes we just have to say what we feel, expressing our emotions. Some people do it with music,others rite in they're notebooks,or there is lucky people who talk to they're best friend and get help and support, but people like me.. or probably you dear reader. People like us who doesn't show what they feel and sometimes go into selfharming.. But tell to yourself that even these lucky people with a good friend,when they tell a story they always change some points to make it better.. Anyway I choose this way to express myself.
Let's beginning by the fact that I got a bad relation with my dad,even if I was young I understood that he just wanted to play but I wasn't enjoying his game and at the and of every game I was crying and he was screaming at me because of this,is it right or wrong to be mad against someone crying because of you cause you hurt this someone?
Anyway,I was 7 or 8 years old when I start getting bullied,I clearly remember one day,the birthday of a girl who was one of the people who was bullying me,she convinced everyone to stop talking to me and do not be my friend.. what about a cute and nice girl. But it did not bother me, I wasn't care cause I was fine alone or with friends,and she clearly see it so she came with everyone,I was drawing ,and she took the paper laughed at it,tore it and threw it at me.. and it didn't stop for 7years or my life I get bullyied. I get into depression but not to much it wasn't so bad..not yet.
I moved to another city and another school,I got some friends and I wasn't so depressed I got some health problems for a time I was often taken to the emergency because of my suicide attempt my parents never knew that I was so sick because of all those pills that I took. After this period I was fine a friend,let's call him Dan cause he will reappear after,He often took me to the movies,he was a really good friend, after a good period, cames the bad one.. Some people began to spread false rumors about me Very quickly I became a target of mockery and insults. But I Was Fine. Then our dear Dan reappeared and tell me that it will helps me to go out and he took me to the movie..in the room There were not many people,during the film he took my hand,then he start just came closer and stay by my side I thought it was to comfort me.. but I was Totally Wrong! I start crying because the film makes me think about the shit that happens in the last days,so he just took my face and he kissed me,I was confused I didn't understand why? But I did not have the strength to push him away, but then he put one of his hands on my thigh then I started to realize what was happening he start touching my chest and I was totally afraid I was telling him to stop while trying to defend me, but I wasn't strong enough he directed his hand between my legs and I was crying and trying,then I don't know why he just stopped by himself and tells me that he was sorry I was so afraid I took my stuff and left the room,entre in the bathroom and at this moment start crying so hard I did my first <<crisis>>,I perfectly remember all the scene and how I throw my green back pack,I came back home never tell this again to no one else. So let me tell you what's the <<crisis>> basically is like.. it starts when I start crying for no reason and start saying to myself that I don't want to stay alive.. that I wish I never get born, Then I start remembering the people who were bullying me and how they treat me I start remembering how my father treat me and start thinking a bout the movie.. and it get worst and that's what make me start selfharming.. I get really into depression and past a soo bad year.. One day I felt ready to end it all I filled a bath and enter with all my clothes,I was into a <<crisis>> I took a little blade and I was ready really but I start crying so hard and I just did 2 cuts..after that depression was so present in my life.In the same period I lost my bestfriend.. then I moved again and changed school..but in the new school exept have met really good friends I met someone who changed my life He helped me overcome my depression and my problems, were now together and even if sometimes depression reaper she doesn't stay too long and disappear just like she reappeared, I don't know if that's just a really really good period or not, but I hope it will stay.cause.. I Am Fine.